binge eating to kill myself

I dont really know where to start with this.
I hate myself I hate my body and I hate my life. It started off comfort eating but has gotten to a point where nothing I do changes who I am so I have started eating and eating and eating forcing myself. Iv lost all care for my self image and just in general for myself. I am so miserable. I have always felt this way but tried to push it aside since having my first child. 3 children down the line and I don't wanna be here more than ever. Eatings my best friend. I am now living off chocolate and pepsi from the moment I wake up.
I dont have sex anymore. I hate my body its disgusting. I have been to the gym and tried all diets nothing works so I have given up

on my health and my life


If anybody has any advice it is greatly wanted

p.s I have spoken to doctor but as he doesn't see me as fat there is no concerns

Please don’t kill yourself. Your kiddos will be better off if you are alive. They’ve done studies on it. It’s a fact. For me, finding something greater than myself & serving that helps. Medication helps. Meditation helps. Reaching out like you’re doing here helps. It’s a marathon, not a sprint though. You might need to try two million things before you find one thing that helps. Or it feels like two million things anyway.

Well you gotta find some motivation. Without one it's pointless.