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Binge Eating is Ruining Life Day by Day

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Binge Eating is Ruining Life Day by Day

Postby Thomasin34 » Tue May 28, 2019 1:37 am

Hello,
My name is Thomas. I am completely new here and have been looking for a forum like this for so long now. I have been struggling with binge eating for about a year now and I cannot stand it anymore. I go a couple days doing well and then I fall back in and keep getting worse. I have lost the most important thing to me which was running and being semi-good at it. I was never a star, but I was good enough to make Varsity on my High School team and it brought me the happiness I had been searching for my whole life. And then I became so fixated on doing everything right that I became obsessive of diet and exercise and that combined with previously being overweight my whole life led me to binge eating by mistake. I didn't know I had this disorder until a few months in. I have gained 20 pounds in the last two months. All my running performance is gone and I'm falling behind in school because when I go home all I do is spend my day eating and finding my next thing to eat and then feeling bad about it and procrastinating. I told my family last summer and they didn't believe me, but because I insisted so much I got a counselor. He is nice, but has not helped at all. I cannot talk with my family about it. They are all overweight and do not understand. They do not know I have been so bad these last two months. They all think I am so much better than I am. Everyone thinks I the person I used to be who was knowledgeable about running and health and disciplined. I am none of those now and have not been for a while. I have tried to reach out to friends, but it still has not helped. It is killing me slowly everyday. All I can think about is how this is ruining my health and how I ruined the only thing that ever made me happy. I cannot find the motivation to keep going. Someone please tell me there is some silver-lining, some way. Something at the end of the tunnel. I am convinced I do not want to live anymore and I just want this to be over. I want to make my parents proud and show then I can do something big and useful- I fear if I cannot fix what's been damaged now I'll be giving up everything I've worked so hard for up until now and will be just another dissapointment.
Thomasin34
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Re: Binge Eating is Ruining Life Day by Day

Postby Fortuna » Mon Jul 15, 2019 5:19 pm

Hello Thomas,
I know exactly how you feel. I know the feeling of hopelessness and worthlessness. It's especially extrem when you had a quite succesful past. Maybe you've wished for a more optimistic person who tells you that there's a silver lining and a light at the end of the dark tunnel. I'm sorry to tell you that I'm not this person. In my mind it's not the optimal strategy to wait for some 'hero' (trust me, I was such a believer myself). We have to understand that we have the power to overcome these 'maladaptive eating habits' -I don't want to trivialise them, but I know that these are some coping mechanisms, therefore there IS some chance for change. Maybe not at the moment, but in the future. What i wanted to say is, that theses eating habits may be maladaptive on the whole, BUT not at the moment (there's no black and white, only a very large range of grey). There are some reasons for such behaviors. Personally this way of thinking helped me to accept my behavior and led me to feel less worthless, stupid, lazy and etc.
Maybe it's helpful when you try to think of situations which trigger your bingeing, the emotions & thoghts you're having, which food you're usually bingeing on (it's like an analysis of your behavioral system) and in a calm second (when you feel quite good) try to find things you do enjoy (this can include petting an animal, reading, bathing, cleaning etc.) an write them down on a small sheet of paper (so you can carry these notes with you). When you want to overcome your maladaptive behaviors you have to understand and accept yourself (what doesn't mean that you cannot be selfcritical, but more in a realistic way, not in an over-negative perspective) and not to fight against yourself.
Recovery is not perfect. It's like a roller coaster ride, but you are in full control of it.
You are a beautiful human, whatever you are being told. I belive in your strength.
Sincerely, F.
(I'm sorry for my bad English, it's not my native language)
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