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Do I have an eating disorder?

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Do I have an eating disorder?

Postby JMC41996 » Fri Nov 09, 2018 4:30 pm

I am 22 y/o male, *mod edit*. Over last few months I started working out pretty excessively. *mod edit*. I have muscle and abs for the first time in my life. I figured the only thing standing in between me and my goals is my diet. I went from just working out, to being a mindful eater, to now I think so much about what I’m eating, I binge on a ton of stuff... a lot... and then feel guilty and go to gym and use stair steppe *mod edit*, a mile run, and back to th stair climber again. In addition to this I have taken laxatives to feel lighter. I feel like I’m actually depressed but in the same way just numb. All I can do is go through life and think about gym. I weigh myself over 50 times a day. I will have my mom or brother step on the scale and ask “do you feel that’s accurate?” I don’t understand how I am *mod edit* yet I still feel fat? Am I fat? At *mod edit* I felt fat. I was fat and people act nicer to me now that I’m thin. I am still in my junior year at college. When I’m in class I feel like I will compare my body to the person next to mine. I feel fat but then when I look in the mirror i see otherwise. All of this I believe is triggered by the fact I am losing my hair due to male pattern baldness. I take Finasteride, Dutasteride once a week, use Rogaine 2x daily. I intend on having a hair transplant surgery along my hairline when I graduate. I feel that while I’m in school it’s hard to obtain because I’m a full time student working part time. I feel that I have little control as of right now to fix my hairline and as a result I’m working out *mod edit* but recently binge eating. I tan three toned a week. My friends understand I’m self conscious but don’t realize I am pushing them away. My friend who I haven’t seen in weeks wanted to get together. She wanted to stop by but I gave her an excuse as why she couldn’t come over. Truth was I just finished eating ice cream (which I never eat)and felt bloated and didn’t want her to see me. She ran into me at the gym yesterday evening and was astound by how much weight I lost. I was diagnosed with a body dysmorphic disorder back when I was 19. I was hospitalized for two weeks. I feel that this is a part of me and I think people perceive I am someone who doesn’t care about the way i look when it’s wctually quite the opposite. I feel like I am struggling so much with my body image I don’t know what to do :(. I’m afraid of medication because of hair loss being a side effect. I’ve worked hard on my body and worry that a medication will bring me down and not make me want to work out. To stay positive I am literally drinking *mod edit* of coffee a days I went from enjoying ice coffee with cream and sugar. To just cream. To a cold brew with almond milk. Now just black coffee because I’m afraid of additives in creamer. Is this an eating disorder?
Last edited by quietgirl2538 on Fri Nov 09, 2018 10:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: Please read rules for this forum. Edited out details that denote weight, height, calories, etc.
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Re: Do I have an eating disorder?

Postby salted lipstick » Tue Nov 27, 2018 2:14 pm

I think if you are asking this question, your thinking has already come to a level of behaviour that is in some way making you uncomfortable enough to question whether you do have an eating disorder... That discomfort could be a warning sign. Obviously no-one here can diagnose you, you'd need a professional for that, but it certainly sounds like your thoughts and behaviours are causing you to feel uncomfortable.

As I read through your post I was starting to think that it was reminding me of body dysmorphic disorder so I found it interesting when you got to the point where you said you had been diagnosed with that. You'd need a professional to delineate between whether your current thoughts and behaviours are part of the body dysmorphic disorder or whether you have acquired an eating disorder also. One thing I can say is that if you have lost a substantial amount of weight, non-purging bulimia is often more reflective of the pattern of binge eating and then excessively "compensating" for that by going to the gym lots and reducing calorie intake substantially.

Why are you curious about whether you have an eating disorder?
In a way, I am not defined by my dissociation. In a way, I am.

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