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My Recovery Journey

Binge Eating Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby gratteciel » Fri Jul 04, 2014 5:52 pm

Congrats on doing so well yet. It sounds like you've really got a hold on this - that's great!

Happy 4th. :mrgreen:
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
-Albert Einstein
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby michelle_rules » Tue Aug 05, 2014 1:46 am

August 4th, 2014 6:33pm

The hardest part about this whole thing is finding balance. I've realized over the past month that I enjoy eating whatever I want but I do not enjoy feeling stuffed. It's not the *possible* weight gain that affects my mood, it's the feeling of being a glutton. Like, I love to indulge, but there comes a point when you're just cramming it in because it's there. I saw something on instagram that said, "contentment not completion" and I like that. It's takes time to retrain our bodies to listen to hunger and "feeling full" cues and in the beginning of recovery it's a very "all or nothing" mindset with it. And I think I'm past that. I feel absolutely no shame in ordering what I want, but it's also okay if I don't finish it. Not because I feel guilt, but because I'm comfortably full. For a while I was stuffing myself at every meal, and I don't like that feeling. It's okay to eat a little and it's okay to eat a lot, as long as you're healthy and you're happy.
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby Big Dreamer » Fri Aug 15, 2014 8:32 pm

I totally relate to you, thanks for sharing.
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby michelle_rules » Sat Aug 16, 2014 2:51 pm

Big Dreamer wrote:I totally relate to you, thanks for sharing.


Thanks for reading! 8)

Saturday August 16th, 2014 7:25am

For a long time I worked out to burn calories. I thought I had been working out to feel good but in reality feeling "good" was just code for relieving guilt. It was a pattern of eat, guilt, exercise. Like I only allowed myself to eat so much if I could purge the calories through exercise. About once a week I would feel so exhausted and deprived of food that I still binged. Something had to change.

That's when I really tried to eat whatever I wanted without guilt. It's been a long, hard process but I think I'm finally at a point where I exercise to actually feel good. I have found a healthy appreciation for fitness and strong physiques. I just really enjoy feeling strong. When I'm lifting weights it's no longer a "f#ck you" to my body. Instead I'm doing it to not only build muscle, but to also build a healthy mindset. I want to release those endorphins in my brain as a positive outlet of stress or anxiety, not as an obsessive act. And proper exercise needs proper fueling, so I am still eating plenty of food. No restrictions for me.

I don't work out everyday and I'm not hard on myself when I don't. It's not something I feel I have to do, it's something I want to do.
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby gratteciel » Wed Aug 20, 2014 2:07 am

Wow, I'm impressed! That's wonderful - your outlook on exercise is brilliant. I wish I could do that - I can't exercise at all without taking it way over the top to punish myself. :roll:

I'm so glad to hear you're still doing well. Keep up the good work. :mrgreen:
“Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
-Albert Einstein
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby Anastasja » Thu Nov 06, 2014 7:06 pm

Hey Michelle,

I just wanted to say that I've read all your posts and that you've kind of inspired me to start my own journal on this forum.

Anyway, it's been quite a long time since your last post. Hope you'll keep writing.

Kind regards,

Anastasja
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby SummerRain » Thu Jan 08, 2015 3:52 am

Wow!! This is so inspiring and definitely helps. I have a real bad binge eating disorder for over 6 years...and am fed-up. I will try some of your tips :D . I used to walk for miles, just because it felt so good, I have stopped. I am starting again tomorrow morning. Thank you so much.
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Re: My Recovery Journey

Postby michelle_rules » Tue Mar 28, 2017 10:48 pm

Wow this is so crazy that this post has been viewed over 17,000 times! It's been a long time since I've checked in here, and it's amazing to read what I was going through a few years ago.

I have to say that I've learned over the past 4 years that life is a never-ending journey of ups and downs. Even today, while binge eating is no longer a problem, I still face other struggles. Anxiety, depression, OCD are still in my life and always will be. It's not a matter of "curing" myself, it's a matter of treating myself. I can chose to either sink down into deep depressions and have a pity party, or I choose to be proactive. Exercise, meditation, and positive thinking are my go-to's. It's definitely not easy and I feel like I'm lying to myself most days, but I'd rather try and do better than do nothing at all.

A little update on my life: I've accepted the fact that I'm gay recently and have told some of my family, started going out on dates and enjoying that aspect of my life. I've been on and off antidepressants over the past couple years, they have both helped me and hurt me. They allowed me to have a better outlook on life, but ultimately I did not enjoy being on them. They were not a "cure all" and never will be, they just gave me a little bit of courage to try and do things I was afraid to do before. Also, they gave me really terrible acne! I'm still recovering from that, ugh. This is only my experience though, everyone is different and should do what's best for them.

While life is not perfect and never will be, I have a positive outlook on the future. As people we grow and change all the time, I am not the same person who started this forum 4 years ago. In fact I'm not even the same person I was 6 months ago. The older I get, the better I feel. I've learned to take life one day a time, even one hour at a time. We can't do anything about the past, and we can't predict the future. I don't always have an easy time accepting that, but I find comfort in knowing that it's true.

I might check back in and update again, I hope that all of you who have read this/are reading this are making progress in your battles. Learn from every mistake, grow from every experience, and don't be so hard on yourself. Every little victory counts, no matter how small, and you should always be encouraging yourself to accomplish more. You are either your greatest ally or enemy, it sounds cheesy but it's absolutely true.

Have a great night everyone.
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