when does BDSM become an addiction

Hi all, Ive got a lot of fetishes and that is one part of my life I am NOT ashamed of anymore. I think BDSM appeals to a lot of different people for a lot of different reasons and there is really nothing wrong with it as long as you are comfortable with yourself. I like sexual humiliation and Ive always been fascinated with urine. I like to do forced femme, (forced anything), bondage, all kinds of physical and mental control. Ive been a switch for about 13 years now, and in the past few years become Domme as a full time role.

And I want to know is that sex addiction ? I know that D/s is not a problem, but when it consumes your life is that too much ? I know I think about sex games way too much, and I probably masturbate way too much. And when I have a good sub, I play way way way way WAY too much. I have kept men in a chastity device full time, and had several subs at a time serving me in different ways. And stayed in this mindset for days at a time.

Balance ? I know. I don't understanding the word. I know I like thinking about this stuff, all the time.

Hi 999,

I'm glad to hear you're not ashamed. I agree with you that there is nothing wrong with having an interest in BDSM.

I think something becomes an addiction when it goes beyond a want or desire and becomes a need. What would happen if you tried to give up sex? Could you give it up?

When you say it consumes your life, what do you mean? Some people have careers or hobbies that dominate their lives and that can be okay. But if your interest in sex and D/s is having a negative impact on the quality of your life, or if it is becoming uncontrollable, then I think it is a problem.

I don't think being in a 24/7 D/s situation is necessarily a problem. But if you can't go about your normal life (work, family etc.) then that's a good indication that you're out of balance and something needs to change.

It has become a need. Could I give it up ? I really don't want to, I don't know what would happen if i tried to stop.

I am able to go to work and such things, but my mind is preoccupied almost constantly with this.

I know people who are in 24/7 TPE D/s relationships, and I wouldn't consider them addicted - that's just their lifestyle.

I think something is only an addiction when it's negatively impacting your life. Is your BDSM activity interfering with your job or career path (I know you say you can go, but does it effect the quality of your work or chances of advancement)? With day-to-day activities, or long-term aspirations? Is it getting in the way of the type of relationship you ultimately want, or are you happy with the ones you have now?

When you say you play too much with a good sub - is it more than your sub is comfortable with? Do you find they are using safe words a lot, or have you ever been so caught up you've ignored or missed one?

If a sub does have to use a safe word in a session, how do you feel about being forced to stop?

Personally, if you say it has become a need, then I think you are addicted. But if you don't want to give it up, you don't have to.

People can live happily with addictions. Some people spend most of the life addicted to caffeine!

One day you may find that you are no longer happy having your mind preoccupied with thoughts of BDSM, and decide that you want to break or stop your addiction. You wouldn't necessarily have to give up BDSM, but rather learn to manage your thoughts and activities so that you are more in control.

I feel very helpless and addicted to my Dom.

I have always used a simple and basic rule, which I picked up
sometime during my counseling years, for this question:

If it gets in the way of your normal daily life then it is a problem,
if it doesn't then it isn't.

James