Our partner

Do I want a DOM or am I seeking 'dominance' in a Man?

Open discussion on BDSM
Forum rules
================================================

The BDSM Forum is now closed for new posts. It is against the Forum Rules to discuss BDSM as the main topic of a post anywhere at PsychForums.

================================================

You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

Do I want a DOM or am I seeking 'dominance' in a Man?

Postby Lisa51 » Sat Oct 10, 2015 5:00 pm

I am very much a submissive lady. I enjoy the 'play' that the BDSM world offers. However, I am independent and survive on my own. I crave a man to desire me to the point of 'taking me' however, am I just a lady with fantasies or would I be good with a Dom?
Lisa51
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Sat Oct 10, 2015 4:21 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 26, 2019 9:35 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Do I want a DOM or am I seeking 'dominance' in a Man?

Postby Callalily » Wed Oct 14, 2015 12:33 am

I think I've probably repeated myself in several threads at this point, but fortunately there are no rules for what Doms or Subs have to be. :) Or even what BDSM has to be! Whatever it may have started as, BDSM has since become a huge umbrella that covers many different tastes and lifestyles. The only real constant (as far as I can tell) is that it involves a consensual surrender of power by one party to another. That surrender can take many different shapes, and the possibilities it yields are endless.

One of those shapes is the 24-7 Master/Slave dynamic, and there are several recent posts about that lifestyle on here. What you wrote suggests it's probably not what you're looking for. But there are plenty of men who identify as dominant or who enjoy dominant/sadistic fantasies but don't wish to be Masters. Some confine their role-playing to scenes or sexual encounters. And every Dominant is different in terms of what kind of power dynamics he's into. Yes, there are some who want to control a Submissive's life (and there are Subs who love that), but there are plenty who don't.

I'm still new to all of this, but as far as I can tell, there are as many different kinds of Doms as there are kinds of people. Some Doms love their Submissives and value them deeply, some treat them as platonic friends or colleagues, some regard them as toys or pets. A Dom might enjoy pleasuring his Sub and love making her come, or prefer seeing her in pain and making her cry. Some Doms are cocky and aggressive, some are lighthearted and friendly, some are quiet and reserved. One Dom might use sensory deprivation and orgasm denial to create sensitivity in his Sub; another might rather see her react to rough sex. Some are turned on by the more sadistic elements of BDSM -- pain, humiliation, degradation and control -- and some by its softer aspects -- mentoring, teaching, nurturing, guidance and care. Some Doms want to be served by their Subs, like Slave Masters, other Doms want to create an experience for their Subs, like Dungeon Masters. :) For most it seems to be some combination of these many things.

(I should point out, lest it sound like I'm being critical of any particular type of Dom, that whatever his tastes are there is probably a Sub out there who shares them.)

Short version: I can't see why it couldn't be a positive experience for you, if you are interested. What I can't help with is where to find one. I lucked into mine by some miraculous, serendipitous cosmic accident. If I'd had to sort through Fetlife or go to local munches I'd have had a rough time because I'm pretty defensive and mistrustful to begin with. The article below has some good suggestions on how to start, and things to watch out for in terms of predators. (I think he's a bit dismissive of everyone he doesn't consider a "true/natural dom" -- didn't we all start out as Horny Net Geeks? But there's some good advice for weeding out crazies.)

https://bdsmfordummies.wordpress.com/20 ... dominants/

Good luck! :D
Callalily
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 429
Joined: Wed May 01, 2013 8:51 pm
Local time: Wed Jun 26, 2019 9:35 am
Blog: View Blog (22)


Return to BDSM




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests