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Interested in bondage, but shy and Christian

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Interested in bondage, but shy and Christian

Postby divided » Sat Aug 22, 2015 7:22 am

Hi,

So. I am a 27 year old male, who is interested in bondage, and has been for some time, probably falling into either the dominant or switch side of things.

On the other hand, I am quite shy, but especially when it comes to the whole asking someone out side of things, let alone determining what they might be interested in sexually. Sort of combined with this, I am uncomfortable with physical contact with people I don't really know.

I have a rather large, stable friends group, but the activities done together, combined with work tend to make me very busy. The friends group is fairly male heavy due it being based around shared geekery.

Further to all of this, I am Christian, and so am not interested in just having sex with someone because we share the same fetish. Within the friends group mentioned earlier, I initially became known for my Christianity, and general innocence (which I was, at the time), which makes talking about the whole thing with them much harder.

I would like to romantically love someone, and be loved in return, but have no idea how to go forward. This, in turn, makes me feel somewhat conflicted and lonely. I'd greatly appreciate any advice you might have.
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Re: Interested in bondage, but shy and Christian

Postby MJH2013 » Sat Aug 29, 2015 12:24 am

Hello divided, I hope to be able to provide some assistance and some answers to at least a few of your questions.

To begin with, I am not really sure what you are asking vis a vi your participation in BDSM and your general desire to have a romantic relationship. You never really said if bondage in any context would be necessary in order for you to have a romantic relationship with a woman, nor did you mention exactly how interested you are in bondage when you state that you are "interested... and have been for some time" Additionally, I surmise that you do not have much (if any) experience with bondage in real life as you claim that you are interested in "either the dominant or the switch side of things" and you mention how you do not necessarily want to have sex with a woman solely because you share the same fetish.


As such, I am really not sure how important BDSM is to you, especially when you seem to have so many reservations including your religious identity that your peer group sees a defining factor of your identity (and that you included in your thread title and mention as a reason why you do not want casual sex). If BDSM is not all that important to you in relation to your faith, then I recommend that despite your interest in it you do not pursue it. It is perfectly fine to be interested in BDSM and never pursue it if it bothers you too much- we are not beholden to our sexual desires to the point where we must act on them. If, on the other hand, BDSM is more important to you then you initially let on, then I would recommend that you do not mention it with your friend group unless you believe that your friends will be entirely supportive and that it will not change their perception of you in any major way. Not to be the harbinger of doom and gloom, but oftentimes people tend to misunderstand BDSM and it can severely impact a person's perception of you. I recommend that you only mention your desire for BDSM to those who are both tolerant and extremely close to you, and that if you desire to discuss BDSM with friends you make friends who are interested in BDSM as opposed to attempting to conflate your geeky friends with your sexual identity and your fetish.

As for your problem being physical with those you do not know, I am not sure why this is a problem. True, some women enjoy a more physical man but an equal number of women are fine with a man who is not as physical. Additionally seeing as you will only engage in BDSM with a woman you are in a relationship with in the first place based on your faith, I do not see a reason why you would be expected to be physical with anyone you were unfamiliar with. Just because you may end up exploring a fetish that is sexual in nature does not mean you need to have sex with random women. In fact, there are many Dominants and many switches that solely engage in BDSM with people they are in a relationship with.

Honestly, without more specific information, that is all the aide I can provide. I find your ending thought a bit perplexing and it begs the question: Do you need to participate in BDSM within a relationship to "love and be loved in return"? Or is BDSM merely an ancillary portion of your desires for a relationship? An answer to these questions along with a general bit of elaboration will allow me to tailor more advice to your situation. But, I hope I have been of at least a little assistance.

Best of luck and best wishes

-MJH
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Re: Interested in bondage, but shy and Christian

Postby tiggy » Mon Oct 19, 2015 7:03 pm

Yeah I think Christians are only allowed to have sex for procreation, otherwise it's sin. But at least they can eat bacon. Mmmmm bacon.
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