Unable to Reach Climax During Sex S&M Related - How Common?

I'm a male who has had masochistic fantasies since an early age (12 or so) and has shoe/sock fetishes plus giantess/crush.

Growing up I was not popular and was picked on a lot from middle school onward. I believe I turned the abuse into a form of pleasure to cope with it, not sure where the shoe/sock fetish came from.

I masturbated frequently, 3-6 times/day sometimes. I can ejaculate without issue when I masturbate, but it does take me a good 20 minutes or so. When I masturbate I ball up a soft blanket so it's thick and then rub the bottom of my penis against it while I fantasize about women beating, maiming and even killing me.

I've had four sexual partners in my life, but I've never been able to reach climax (regardless of whether I was on top or bottom, if there was S&M style foreplay prior to or during sex)

I'm ok with this, it doesn't bother me. My wife and I don't want to have kids so it means I can go for quite awhile and she gets her orgasms and is happy.

I was just curious as to how common or uncommon something like this might be? Obviously it's psychological, so not looking for a diagnosis or "help", just wondering if this is something others here have heard of, experienced themselves, etc.

Well, I'm not a doctor or therapist. I don't even have a penis of my own. And I'm lousy at not giving "help" even without qualifications. Disclaimers aside, I don't think that it IS obvious it's psychological. I wonder if the masturbating against material might be causing your cock to be desensitised. So that the relatively frictionless environments of partner sex simply don't stimulate you physically. If this might be a possibility then stopping masturbating for a month or two might help to re sensitise.

I don't see the fantasies as an issue. As long as they aren't causing anxiety. Which is an obvious boner killer. It's all good.

I am not some anti masturbation crusader. I masturbate up to 5 times daily sometimes and I'm no teenager. But I am sexually VERY active. Promiscuous is more like it. . I have lost count of how many girls.

I too am into BDSM though I'm much more of a sadist. Yet I'll role play as the most pathetic sub for a few hours when I find a suitable chick for that which is every couple years.

Vanilla sex is kinda boring. I have no trouble coming because I like how oral, anal, vaginal penetration feel. But they don't feel the same as jerking off. Neither is better or worse but one is pure fantasy which is good because it's just how you want it. But sex has a visceral feel that stimulates more than your genitals and it's cool making the contents of your skull out there to shape your surroundings.

I am unconvinced this is in your head. You have to get accustomed to the different sensations. The fact that your girl's best efforts to use your fetish to arouse you don't help makes me more convinced it is not psychological.

Like the other poster said, ease up on masturbation for a bit. Wait to have sex until you're horny and don't try to climax until you're throbbing.

The more active sexually I am, the more I masturbate , fantasize, watch porn, flirt with other girls trying to get more, but I am having sex so I don't get unfamiliar with the feeling.

I'm not sure why you're trying to "cure" me, I have no interest in ejaculating during sex as it allows my wife to go for as long as she wants, and neither of us wants crotch-droppings (i.e. kids for the uninitiated)

I was just curious how rare something like this is?

grandgnu wrote:I'm not sure why you're trying to "cure" me, I have no interest in ejaculating during sex as it allows my wife to go for as long as she wants, and neither of us wants crotch-droppings (i.e. kids for the uninitiated)

I was just curious how rare something like this is?

Weird over a long period. Most girls I've dated would conclude there's something wrong such as that I'm not interested. Everyone has it happen occasionally because they're wasted or distracted by something that intrudes but it's uncommon. It is interesting your wife approves because usually not cumming is a sign of low interest which reduces the arousal of the other.

Do you like it? Why do you do it? With all do respect, I don't know the point of a relationship that doesn't turn you on. Keeping up appearances?

Would you rather things stay unchanged if you could choose today?

Just curious, how aroused are you having sex? We are both male. I'm sure you know the difference between when it feels like your penis is throbbing and the tip is pointed as much upwards as it can get. I assume you have a weaker erection during sex

Beyond Repute wrote:
Most girls I've dated would conclude there's something wrong such as that I'm not interested.

The girls I saw in my past saw it as a challenge, like they were going to be the one who got me there.

Beyond Repute wrote: It is interesting your wife approves because usually not cumming is a sign of low interest which reduces the arousal of the other.

I've known her for 20 years and we'll have been married 10 years in a few months. She understands the situation and it doesn't bother her. It actually is preferred by her since she wants kids less than I do, plus she gets to just go and go and go and get her multiple orgasms until she wears herself out.

Beyond Repute wrote:Do you like it? Why do you do it? With all do respect, I don't know the point of a relationship that doesn't turn you on. Keeping up appearances?

I couldn't have sex at all if I wasn't aroused. She beats on me beforehand and then during intercourse as well, including choking me, punching me, smothering me with a pillow, etc. I do enjoy sex, I just don't reach my climax via it.

Beyond Repute wrote:Would you rather things stay unchanged if you could choose today?

It doesn't bother me, so I have no interest in being "normal" in this regard.

Beyond Repute wrote:Just curious, how aroused are you having sex? We are both male. I'm sure you know the difference between when it feels like your penis is throbbing and the tip is pointed as much upwards as it can get. I assume you have a weaker erection during sex

With the foreplay (and during play) my penis gets as hard as it does when I masturbate and remains that way. When I masturbate I generally have to rub extra vigorously near the end to reach my climax, so perhaps it is the particular sensations involved and the way my penis is stimulated vs. something psychological.

either way, I just always found it interesting when I'd hear about guys finishing in minutes. I mean, just masturbating will take me a good 20+ minutes to reach my climax. I guess in my relationship I'm the female, in the sense that I'm harder to get-off and my wife is easy to do so.

It's a classic case of masturbation technique, you have conditioned yourself to having an ejaculation by using a socket and no matter what your wife does she cannot duplicate the same kind of friction/pressure on your penis that your masturbating technique does. it's fortunate that she is your wife and not a new relationship which would have your partner feeling inadequate about not being able to satisfy you. Sorry to say obviously it's physical, not psychological

I'm going to link you to a website that is a resource and the affects and approaches to becoming cured of prone masturbation which is described a face down thrusting penis into bed. it is the same concept it puts more pressure friction on your penis than a woman's vagina can and you become conditioned to losing he sensitivity in your penis. It takes some effort and will power to change and I don't see it in your question just so you know I tried. Find a workbook there you can print out for free and good luck hope that you will adjust your masturbation technique, who's to say both you and your wife are going to be happy with it forever

Although about 90 percent of males masturbate by hand, about 5-10 percent masturbate by lying face down and thrusting the penis into or against the bed, pillow, or something else. Although masturbation is normal, healthy, and fun, prone masturbation causes severe sexual dysfunction in most males who practice it. This web site describes prone masturbation and the problems of its practitioners and offers case studies and approaches to becoming cured.

healthystrokes.com

grandgnu wrote:I've had four sexual partners in my life, but I've never been able to reach climax (regardless of whether I was on top or bottom

I do know how gratifying fetishism and S&M role-play can be but it seems unfulfilling never being able to complete the act of intercourse with a woman. Isn't that the right of manhood?

I was just curious as to how common or uncommon something like this might be? Obviously it's psychological

No. obviously not psychological, it's your physical masturbation technique, you have conditioned yourself to where you can only have an orgasm using your sock/blanket masturbation technique. It puts unnatural like pressure and friction on your penis that you can't get from a live woman that is why you have never been able to complete the act

*mod edit*

healthystrokes.com