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Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

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Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby McNulty » Fri Apr 17, 2015 8:23 pm

Hi. I am a submissive male in my early 40's. I have been getting sessions with pro dommes ever since I was in my 20's. I have always loved professional dommes. They really do understand me. I have had lots of sessions. I have sessioned with 8 different females and enjoyed them all. There was one in particular who really stands out. One that I will never forget and one that I would give just about anything to be able to session with again. Although, that will never happen due to a fallout we had after what would be our very last session. I had three different sessions with her and they were great. Well, except for the final moments of the last one. As much as I hate to have to say this, she was in the wrong. But,she somehow turned it all around to make it my fault. Here is what happened. She brought two other females (who were NOT dommes) into the session without running the idea by me first. I would have been okay with it, but she stil should have checked with me first. Then, she took a Sharpies marker and wrote "Xavier Roberts" on my rear end. (Xavier Roberts is the creator of Cabbage Patch dolls and the name is written on their butt cheeks.) Anyway, I would have NEVER agreed to such a thing! Why would I want to be written on? So, after the session is over, I get ready to leave and she stops me. While I wasn't thrilled, I wasn't really mad either. We hug like we always did after a session, and asks me "what's up, do you hate me now?". I replied "no". Then, she asks "well, are you mad at me?". I told her that I was not mad, but she did take me by complete surprise with the whole Xavier Roberts thing and I was really just baffled more than anything else. I didn't even mention the fact that she let outsiders into the session.

So, she got mad at me for saying anything to her about it. She proceeded to tell me that not only would she NEVER grant me another session again under any circumstances, but I would never be able to get a session with any other pro domme anywhere. Well, she could certainly drop me as a client, but she had ZERO control over what other dommes decided to do. Not to mention, she did not know all the other women who were pro dommes in the entire world. Such a thing is not even possible! But, she thought she did in fact have that much power and told me so. She told me that I treated her poorly and she did not want to know me or have any contact with me ever again, and that I was to leave immediately.Yeah, I treated her "so poorly". Brought her flowers, paid her MORE than what she was asking. Poor treatment on my part indeed.

Well, I thought we could make amends and move on, but sadly, it would turn out that I was wrong. I enjoyed sessioning with her and did not want that to stop. But, unfortunatley, it did. She really meant it when she said she was dropping me as a client. And all because I did not like being written on. Two months later, I sat down and hand wrote her a VERY nice letter telling her that I missed her and felt awful about us getting into an argument. I essentially just took ALL of the blame. I mentioned NOTHING in the letter about the other females coming into the session or the "Xavier Roberts" part. Nothing. I just wanted to put the whole thing behind us. I hand wrote the letter because I wanted it to feel as sincere as possible. I included an e-mail address in the letter so she could reply, only if she wanted to. She never did. I was curious if she ever read it, so I did some prying. I found out through someone else that she did in fact read the letter. She said that it was very nice and she was very appreciative of it, but, she still would rather not have me as a client. She said that she wished me well, and if I wanted to session with other pro dommes, then, she "wouldn't try and stand in the way". :? I was so glad I had her permission to session with someone else, LOL!

Well, I must say, I got down about this for awhile. I was about as low and depressed as one could get. I cared for her very much. Her firing me as a client hurt much more than the over-the-knee spankings I used to get from her :( . I didn't like it, but I had to accept the fact that I had bent over her knee for the final time. Ever. But, from that very sad time came something good. Her dropping me as a client enabled me to meet and session with other females. Sessions that I may not have had, otherwise. I choose to look at it that way. I still miss her to this day. Perhaps she just had something that other pro dommes I have had sessions with did not have. And don't get me wrong, they were great too. She was just that much better. I will never quite understand why she got so mad at me. Escpecially to the point that she dropped me as a client so quickly. From, what I hear, she accepted my apology, but yet still wouldn't give me a second chance. Weird. But at the end of the day, she only hurt herself with that decision. See, the money I ultimately spent on other sessions with other pro dommes would have gone to her had she not fired me as a client.

Like I said, I would give just about anything to be able to talk to her again, if only for a moment. But, that is just about impossible, due to the fact that I never knew her by any other name than Mistress Anastasia. Sorry for this being so lengthy. Thanks for reading.
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Re: Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby noydb » Mon Jul 20, 2015 9:00 am

I don't get it. I get that you are hurt... okay but I don't see why. And I don't see what the conflict here is. She did something you didn't like and you said so, kind of, but you want to go back. Okay... She declined to session with you again, which is her right. You've seen other Dommes, which has been okay for you, if not wonderful. It sounds like you know where you stand, but don't want it to be the case. So yeah. The fact that you are posting here means that you are incapable of moving forward and letting go of what is ultimately a decision that she has made and you can't change. And really? She asked if you hated her??? Something I would NEVER ask a sub. Move on, McNulty. You're both better off.
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Re: Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby McNulty » Wed Jul 22, 2015 3:28 pm

Thank you for the reply. Let me ask you something if I may. What is it that you don't get? The fact that I miss her? Am I not allowed to FEEL that? Yes, she did something I didn't like. And yes, I told her about it. And that turned out to be the trip wire that set everything off. You know, this isn't easy for me. Now, don't take that to mean that I am feeling sorry for myself. But you really didn't need to come off so hostile towards me, UNLESS you are my old friend, Mistress Anastasia, which is extremely unlikely. Yes, I am aware that she has every right to refuse to session with me. HOWEVER, I can't help but see this any other way than HER being in the wrong. And believe me, when I am wrong, I am the first to say it. As a matter of fact, if I had been in the wrong in that situation, she would not have had to "fire" me. I would have "fired" myself. I mean, tell me how it's MY fault when SHE does something that I didn't like. And tell me how out of the 8 different females I have sessioned with, 7 of them liked me just fine and only 1 did not. I mean if only 1 out of 8 dropped me as a client, then I must not be that bad, right? All due respect, you weren't there. You didn't hear what all she said to me. It was horrible and it was no way to treat someone, especially a sub. And yes, she actually asked if I hated her. Which struck me as very odd.

But, hey, that's cool. In the end, all she did was step aside and let other pro dommes make money. Yes, I know, it isn't so much about the money, per se. But still, it seems like such a self defeating act. And for what? Pride? To prove a point?
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Re: Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby MJH2013 » Mon Jul 27, 2015 3:01 pm

McNulty,

While I am not noydb and do not have any affiliation with the poster in question, I hope that I can provide an adequate response to your query in noydb's absence.

To begin with, I have no idea why you believe that noydb is being hostile towards you in any way, shape, or form. It seems like noydb was as polite as can be expected, maintained an air of professionalism, did not resort to insult or invective and attempted to get you to clarify on what you were upset about. I see no problems with his response. Could it have been more helpful if noydb understood your situation better? Potentially, but that is true for any poster. Perfect knowledge is impossible unless one is involved in the situation (as you correctly point out in your response) and that is fact that every individual needs to learn to accept. However, I do not believe that it is fair in the slightest to view noydb's response as hostile due to his lack of knowledge and understanding. While it is not your job to educate any individual you do not wish to educate, it is important to provide clarification to someone when they ask for it if you are seeking advice. One cannot answer the question (and thus provide advice) without first understanding the question being asked. So, while I can understand a bit of consternation and annoyance at having to explain yourself again, I do not think the tone of your reply is sufficiently warranted and I do not believe that noydb was being hostile in any sense of the word. Of course I do understand that you are going through a hard time in your life and thus noydb may have appeared to be more insulting than he intended to be. I think that if you re-read his post in a different frame of mind, you will see less a condemnation of your situation and more a cry for understanding.

Now, onto your response. To begin with I would like to state that you are allowed to feel however you wish to feel about your experiences with this particular Dominatrix, a Mistress Anastasia according to your reply, as you would like to. No individual can tell any other individual how he or she should feel- as humans we can only speak for our own emotions and not for others. However, we can state when we believe that other's emotions are unhealthy for them. As a LMHC, that may have been noydb's intent behind his questioning of your emotions although I cannot say for sure. Only he can. Regardless, I believe that you are allowed to miss her, allowed to feel bad, etc. but I do not think it is very healthy for you. And now I will attempt to explain why I think that.

Your last experience with Mistress Anastasia is profoundly negative and honestly she sounds like a bad Dominant at least in terms of relating to her submissive. As a Pro Domme, it should be her job to make sure that her clients (in this case you) are satisfied with her services and choose to keep her as your Domme of choice. In business terms, it benefits her to be "consumer friendly" more than it benefits you to bend over backwards and exceed your limits to please her. With that in mind, negotiation should be a highly integral component in your relationships with Pro Dommes, and it seems like she neglected that component full-stop during your last session. She did not ask you to bring other females into the session- whether they were Dominants or not and whether you would have been okay with that or not is not the issue here; the issue is that she did not ask. She wrote on your body without first consulting you about whether or not you would be okay with that- again the issue here is the lack of obtained consent. She got mad at you for expressing your concerns over her behavior to her to such a point that she refused to dominate you again and she even attempted to have you blacklisted to other Pro Dommes. None of these are the mark of a good Dominant, Pro Domme or otherwise, and thus I do not believe that she is worth tracking down and sessioning with again. She exceeded your limits, did not care about your consent and merely did what she wished without consulting you, and then became unreasonably upset about your bringing up your concerns with her. Quite simply, she sounds dreadful to me and I would advise any submissive that came to me inquiring about her capacity as a Pro Domme to seek someone else if I had the same experiences you had. So, like noydb, I really do not understand why you want this woman back. She all but abused you in your last session with her, and it obviously left quite the impression if you can still recount it so vividly. Therefore, I really do not believe that being dominated by her, despite your desire to do so, is healthy for you because I do not believe that Mistress Anastasia is healthy for you. I do not think that she deserves any submissive based on what you have stated of her behavior. She does not seem ready for one.

You are completely correct when you say that she is in the wrong. She completely and totally is in terms of the session you had. Her behavior after the session is similarly deplorable and demonstrates quite a fair bit of immaturity on her side. I do not think that you did anything wrong (save for not using your safeword if you were provided one when your limits were exceeded) in this situation at least as far as the session goes. However, your behavior after her meltdown (for lack of a better term) leaves quite a bit to be desired. Why did you feel the need to contact her two months after she stated that she wanted nothing more to do with you and dropped you as a client? Why did you continue to inquire after she did not respond to that letter even though you helpfully included your email address (and likely asked her to respond if she wished)? Why do you continue to pine after this person who has given you her blessing to see other Pro Dommes? (even though I agree- you do not need and never have needed her blessing) You seem almost obsessed with getting a "second chance": With her not only accepting your apology but also taking you back as a client and allowing you to submit to her again. However, you also seem to have quite a bit of bitterness toward her attitude and what she did to you (which is evidenced through your sarcastic comments, your use of LOL, etc.) and state that what she did hurt her more than it hurt you. However, she seems to have moved on while you cannot. And you also seem to understand that even though she was certainly in the wrong during your session and immediately afterword, she is perfectly within her rights to refuse to take you back as a client. A Pro Domme does not have to dominate anyone who has the money to pay for it- she can be as exclusive (or not) as she wishes. You state that you would give anything to be able to talk to her again, but if she wanted to talk to you she would. She has your email address, and you've given her ample time and opportunity to reach out if she wanted to. The truth is, she doesn't want to McNulty. As much as you care about her, as much as you want her back as your Pro Domme, she does not feel the same way about you for whatever reason. Why does she feel this way? I cannot tell you as I am not Mistress Anastasia. But I can tell you that attempting to reach out to her, conducting amateur detective work about whether or not she received your replies and endlessly wondering "why" is hurting you McNulty. You need to let her go.

And you also need to stop being so passive aggressive about your feelings toward Mistress Anastasia. You need to accept that what she did to you was not okay, and that you were severely hurt by her cutting you out of her life in the manner she did. Because even though she was in the wrong during the session and immediately afterword and hurt you badly in both of these occasions, and I know you wanted to "get even with her" and hurt her in a similar way, you just were not able to. She is not being hurt by the lack of you in the same way that you are being hurt by the lack of her McNulty. You need to accept that. One cannot begin to fix a problem before one acknowledges that one has a problem. One cannot begin to heal before one acknowledges that one has been hurt. She hurt you McNulty, and I'm sorry she did that. I'm sorry that she doesn't want you back in the same way that you want her back. I'm sorry that you have put so much effort into restoring this relationship with her, and she does not want to return the favor. And I'm sorry that her actions caused you to question your behavior as a submissive during the occasion(which at the very least was a 7/10 and not grounds for dismissal in my opinion). But no one here can make Mistress Anastasia to talk to you. No one can make her care- not you, not me, not noydb, not anyone. The only person who can make Mistress Anastasia reach out to you is Mistress Anastasia, and I don't think Mistress Anastasia has that inclination at the present moment. Again, I'm sorry that all this happened to you but you need to just accept it and move on. Hanging on and trying to woo someone that will not be wooed is only prolonging the healing process and hurting you more. Let her go McNulty. She doesn't deserve you, and especially doesn't deserve this much effort. Take some time off of Pro Dommes to heal yourself from this ordeal, and then go out and find one 10x better than Mistress Anastasia. Someone that deserves your submission, and that makes you happy. That is what you deserve McNulty- true happiness.

Best of luck and best wishes dealing with your emotions and finding the perfect Pro Domme,

-MJH
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Re: Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby McNulty » Wed Aug 05, 2015 8:47 pm

MJH2013

Thank you for the reply. My mind was all over the place the day that I replied to noydb. I really should have waited to reply to them. I really do appreciate your reply. I am doing a whole lot better with this whole situation now. Some new information came to light regarding Mistress Ananstasia. Long story short, she is no longer a Pro Domme. She lost ALL of her clients. I heard that she had a history of dropping clients. That actually made me feel better, as I see that it was not just me. It also made me realize how dumb I was to get SO depressed over her, I actually ended up in the hospital As I stated previously, I was as low and depressed as I had ever been in my life, and that is really saying something! Crazy, right?! I had actually offered her over $1200 to session with me again, and she STILL wouldn't. That is what sent me into that horrible depression. I tought to myself, "I can not even get her to take my damn money, it doesn't get any lower than that". The funny thing is, after I got out of the hospital, I went and got a session with two Pro Dommes and loved every moment of it. Shoot, I didn't even think about Mistress Anastasia for along time. Then, at some point, she crept back into my thoughts and I started missing her again, and thus the cycle re-started.

But, I do believe that is over now, once and for all. For one thing, she is no longer a Pro Domme, so getting a session with her is not even a possibility now. But, reading your reply really helped me to see some things that I was just simply blind to before. Let me ask this, too. I know that you can't answer fro someone else, but isn't dropping clients all the time sort of, unwise? I mean, sure, it's not ALL about the money, but to just drop your clients left and right, the way she was does not make ANY sense. Okay, I get that sometimes you have to let a client go. However, shouldn't that be the LAST resort? I mean, if a client messes up, (depending on what he did, of course) he should at least get a warning letting him know that he will be dropped if he does it again. Am I right? From what I heard, Mistress Anastasia was bad about going straight for the "you're fired" option with her clients. And that could have very well been what led to her having to close up shop.

There was another Pro Domme that I sessioned with named Mistress Angel. One time, during a session, I came off kind of smart assed in the role play. She got mad at me. As in she was really mad. The punishment that followed was pretty tough. But, I never got upest. She told me "yeah, I really did get mad at you for what you said, but I should not have. I should have realized that it was in the context of the role play". I told her not to apologize, as my comments did come off as smart assed, so I deserved what I got. We didn't have a fallout. There was NO talk of me being fired as a client. We even laughed about it! That just goes to show that a good Pro Domme does not have to immediately drop a client. Things can be worked through. Something that Mistress Anastasia never bothered to learn.


Thanks again for your reply. I really appreciate it.
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Re: Still missing a particular dominatrix from many years ago

Postby McNulty » Fri Aug 07, 2015 8:06 pm

MJH2013, I'd like to add something else. As I stated previously, I recently found out that Mistress Anastasia in no longer a Pro Domme. In fact, she has not been one for at least the last four years! Which makes me beat myself up even more for allowing myself to get so low and depressed over her. The person who told me this is someone who also knew Mistress Anastasia at one point in time. That individual actually said something that jarred me awake, so to speak. Of course, I'm paraphrasing here, but it went something like:

"Let me ask you something. Let's see if I am getting this right. She did you wrong. She conducted a session in the most unprofessional manner I have ever heard of, she wrote on you, she displayed a wanton disregard for you and your limits, she seriously violated your privacy, then she had the audacity to actually get mad at you when you shared your concerns with her. Instead of acting like an adult and a true professional, she acted like a spoiled child who wasn't getting her way. Instead of attempting to work through the issues, with you, (someone with whom she did business), she went off the deep end. She overreacted, she declared that you were thereby fired as her client. She threw you out of the dungeon. She threatened you, saying that you could not even have a session with any other Pro Domme anywhere at anytime, something that is by no means possible for her to do, by the way.

Then, as if that was not enough, she somehow got your mind all twisted around to where you actually thought that you messed up. Then, you go crawling back to her. You send her a letter offering to even buy your way back in if that's what it would have taken. For some unfathomable reason, you apologize to her when the least she could do would have been to apologize to you. And then, for the icing on the cake, she did not have the decency to reply to your letter. You had to find out through me what she thought of it. I mainly stayed out of it, but I did tell her that I thought she had gone overboard, to which she had no comment, which was no surprise. So, not only do you get so depressed that you end up in the hospital over some unprofessional person who, to be quite honest was NEVER fit to be a Pro Domme anyway, but you miss her even after you have had sessions with many other Pro Dommes years after the brief time you knew her. Then, to top it all off, you find out that she is out of the business of being a Pro Domme altogether, so some of that time you spent being sad, was during a time that she was no longer around anyway. And all of this, for someone who never liked you to begin with. If that were me, she would never have had the chance to drop me as a client. She would have been the one getting fired."

Just for what it's worth, this person and Anastasia no longer know each other and have not spoken in years. The only part with which I disagreed was the part where this person said that she never liked me to begin with. I think that she did like me at one point. I mean, the first two sessions I had with her went well. It was that third (and final) session where everything went off the rails. But, that individual told me that, in all likelihood, those times were probably just a big smokescreen. That I had yet to see the true Anastasia at the point. The real person showed herself in that third session. I told them that I could see their point. I really am seeing all of this in a new light now. I don't know why I got SO down over her. The healing process is definitely going a lot better now, I know that much.
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