Our partner

Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Open discussion on BDSM
Forum rules
================================================

The BDSM Forum is now closed for new posts. It is against the Forum Rules to discuss BDSM as the main topic of a post anywhere at PsychForums.

================================================

You are entering a forum that contains discussions of a sexual nature, some of which are explicit. The topics discussed may be offensive to some people. Please be aware of this before entering this forum.

Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby nilmah6 » Tue Mar 31, 2015 9:25 pm

Curious as to what people think about this? A daddy dom who enjoys that role thought sexually enjoys more a sadist side?
nilmah6
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 28
Joined: Tue Mar 31, 2015 9:19 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 3:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby FumiRawR » Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:35 am

Nilmah6, I'm not really a dom, male, or (probably) not into daddy/Mommy and boy/girl scenarios, but I do believe that a person can both be a daddy and a sadist. It might be a switch thing for them (sometimes sweet and loving, protective, the next violent (if that's insulting, I just couldn't think of a better word)) or it could be that they can process those two wants it needs at the same time. Humans are very complicated and each is different, so it's hard to understand how someone could accomplish these two seemingly opposite rules but it is entirely possible. I hope this was helpful and not too confusing! <3
Unofficial: OCD, DDNOS/DID, ADHD, tourrettes, etc.
Official: hypochondriac, depression, dyslexia
:3:
At least 7 alters, probably more unknown.
FumiRawR
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 16
Joined: Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:33 am
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 5:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby MJH2013 » Fri Apr 10, 2015 1:29 pm

While I am not exactly sure what the original poster was attempting to ask with their question, and I agree with parts of what FumiRawR has said, I do believe that some clarification and a bit of nuance are necessary in order to properly answer the point addressed. As a bit of a disclaimer, I am not a prototypical Dominant (and I do not believe that such a thing exists on any level) and thus my experiences are not generalizeable to every individual on the sole virtue of being my experiences. However, I would like to provide a bit of a contention to certain things based on my own lived experiences and my own theoretical interpretations of BDSM.

While I completely agree with the notion that an individual can be both a "daddy" Dominant and a sadist, I do not see these two traits as diametrically opposed or as a "switch thing". I see dominance, sadism, and almost all personality traits as more of a spectrum within the spectrum of personality- not all sadists are the same, but an individual who seeks to cause pain and an individual who merely enjoys the pain he or she causes could both accurately be described as sadistic. However, I believe that no one would assert that these two individuals are identical, or have identical desires even though they are said to possess the same personality trait. By this notion, I believe that it is entirely possible for a Dominant who enjoys correcting, nurturing, and teaching to also enjoy the more physical pain-related aspects of corporal punishment. I fall much more into this group. My desires to teach and my desires to cause pain are not inherently conflicting, bit inherently conflated in that I use a physical application of pain in order to correct, and even to nurture in some cases when my submissive is unable to forgive herself for displeasing me in some respect. Do I enjoy punishing her? Undoubtedly. Do I believe that conflicts with my teacher or parental-like demeanor when I am dominating her? Not in the slightest.

In fact, on a slightly unrelated note, I believe that one may not necessarily need to be a sadist in order to enjoy this punishment in a sense- as a Dominant I may derive enjoyment from punishing my submissive if I believe that punishment teaches my submissive to be better, or I believe that punishment to be necessary and my submissive accepts it without complaint. In these cases, though I am not pleased by the punishment itself or its application, I am pleased by my submissive's obedience, and may enjoy the punishment despite my lack of sadism. Thus, I believe that "daddy" Dominants could very well enjoy giving pain to their submissives for reasons other than sadism as well.

While these two desires can initially seem confusing, I believe that it is not impossible to correlate them in such a manner that they can both be present and not be opposed to one-another. As FumiRawR states, humans are extremely complex and capable of a myriad of emotions, fetishes, and desires when it comes to romantic partners. In my experience, combining sadism and Dominance with a desire to teach, correct and nurture is not out of the question

Best of luck and best wishes

-MJH
MJH2013
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 115
Joined: Wed Aug 14, 2013 6:54 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 4:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby Valar Morghulis » Sun Jul 12, 2015 9:05 am

A short answer to your short question.

Yes. I am just that. I guess It's a kind of switch thing for me, I'm not sure, not really thought about that. I'm either one or the other depending.
It is sometimes a mistake to climb; it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt. If you do not climb you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?

Your thoughts do not define who you are, but your actions do.
Valar Morghulis
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:29 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby Callalily » Fri Jul 17, 2015 6:57 am

My feelings about BDSM seem to have completely reversed in the last week. I'd say it's surprising but isn't the angry repressed person almost a caricature at this point? :P I literally feel like something gave way, like I found the piece I was missing.

I must admit I find myself daydreaming about a relationship similar to the one the OP described. One serious difference: I would need someone who could be sexual in the DD role, not just the sadistic one. The whole sudden appeal of BDSM is that it might let me rewrite the lessons from childhood. We're all taught as kids that our desires are shameful and must be inhibited, that the private places on our bodies must stay hidden. In BDSM, our desires are beautiful and sexy to our new caregivers, our bodies, our shy, blushing responses, make them love us even more. The idea of sexual tenderness and acceptance from a D male excites me lots.

The sadistic piece appeals to me too, but also frightens me. I can imagine feeling a very dark pleasure in being painfully used by a loving caregiver, who somehow loves me and loves hurting me at the same time, who hurts me while encouraging and praising me, who perversely cares tenderly for me after. At the same time, I could see it being scary and difficult emotionally, esp. in a vulnerable LG place. Why are evil things so arousing? :oops: Valar did you ever run into an issue where she went cold and remote after a sadistic scene, uncertain of your love, distrustful?
Callalily
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 429
Joined: Wed May 01, 2013 8:51 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 4:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (22)

Re: Can a Dom Daddy be a sadist too?

Postby Valar Morghulis » Fri Jul 17, 2015 10:35 am

Callalily wrote: :oops: Valar did you ever run into an issue where she went cold and remote after a sadistic scene, uncertain of your love, distrustful?


Sometimes.. But I believe the after care is the most important aspect that the Dom has to give for the Sub. Which is also an aspect that I was speaking about where I can be so very caring and loving, and switch, and vice versa.

Aftercare is a time to reconnect to reality and re-establish roles outside of the scene. Some scenes are very intense emotionally and psychologically and the Dominant may need to help the submissive unwind and recover. Oftentimes it involves reaffirming each other that everything is well, getting some food and water and taking care of possible wounds and bruises. Later, aftercare may involve comforting words while distressed, calming confusion or showing love and affection. There is no one way to provide aftercare. It is as unique as the individual. As a submissive, you should try to learn what you need after a scene so that you can add that to your negotiations when you play with others. Do you need a blanket and some snuggle time? Perhaps candy and a water?

Sometimes she'd need aftercare and sometimes she'd want to be left alone, although that was rare. Also, Dom's need after care too, participating in the scene with the partner that they love they need to reaffirm their love for their partner not just for the sub's benefit, but also for their own.
It is sometimes a mistake to climb; it is always a mistake never even to make the attempt. If you do not climb you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall?

Your thoughts do not define who you are, but your actions do.
Valar Morghulis
Consumer 3
Consumer 3
 
Posts: 76
Joined: Sat Jul 11, 2015 5:29 pm
Local time: Tue Jun 18, 2019 9:02 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to BDSM




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests