Addiction to Fantasy Life (Daydreaming)

I had no idea where to place this OP but this seemed like the most appropriate.

Since I was a child, I have had an ongoing habit of escaping into various fantasy worlds in which I'm both free from the pressure, anxiety, grief and discomfort of the real world and somewhat enabled to indulge in any and all of my heart desires (relationships, control, wealth, prestige, celebrity, admiration, etc - sometimes a combination of several at a time). Real life individuals as well as fictional characters are involved in these fantasies as a means to enhance them and make them more pleasing to me. If my current psychologist had enough time for me to really read into this, I think she'd have an absolute field day in terms of figuring out what's what when it comes to my psyche.

I won't go too far into detail about what a lot of these fantasy worlds were / are but what prompted me to post this OP was because a fantasy that I usually indulge in has been kind of thwarted (my computer won't allow me to play an old pc game that I use as a backdrop and data reservoir for the fantasy life I invent in my head - and the lack of certainty involved in playing the game stokes my interest rather than just coming up with gratifying fantasies in my head, which is boring by comparison). So it's brought the whole thing to an abrupt halt.

I mean, I could just go for my usual walks on the beach and play make believe in my own little world but the loss of this game got me thinking more critically about what I'm actually doing and whether it's actually not very good for me psychologically.

I'm a recovering drug & alcohol addict, have Borderline Personality Disorder (and traits from many, if not all of the Cluster B Personality disorders) and I've had a tough time maintaining any long term stability in terms of living a "normal" life that doesn't get derailed by assorted dopamine-spiking endeavors and hedonistic nihilism.

The cumulative shame that my behavior causes me results in a withdrawal from the social world which renders me an excruciating introvert at heart with avoidant tendencies.

If there's a question to be asked in this thread - is doing away with my fantasy world(s) a step in the right direction?

From what I understand about myself and the world that surrounds me, I seem to have all the necessary tools and strengths to be an active participant in the social world and enjoy everything it has to offer me (with a grateful offering back to the world in kind).

Maybe discarding childish fantasies (however comfortable they are to me) is exactly what I need and have needed for a very, very long time. I mean, some of these fantasies are practically indistinguishable from having "imaginary friends" FFS (as my psychologist thankfully pointed out in those terms).

I think I probably talked myself into my own answer to my question but I would appreciate anyone else's perspective on what I've just described.

Side note: a lot of the idealizing that goes on with BPD (and my decades-long pattern of idealizing unattainable people in romantic/sexual contexts links up perfectly with my fantasy worlds in which I employ these people literally 100% of the time - in fact, the fantasy worlds wouldn't even make sense or have any real appeal to me without these unrequited, idealized unattainables).

Wow... I honestly think I just wrote myself into some kind of a therapeutic breakthrough.

I should email this to my psych or something.

The fantasies have to go - they're just a fluorescent form of mal-adaptive avoidance and a reinforcement of an intense anxiety disorder that features in the BPD.

Okay. Done.

CherylTunt wrote:The fantasies have to go - they're just a fluorescent form of mal-adaptive avoidance and a reinforcement of an intense anxiety disorder that features in the BPD.

Okay. Done.

It looks like it.
They are essentially narcissistic fantasies of control or it looks like it.
Computer games can be like that as well, since you can control everything.

I like the post, it's nice to see someone getting realizations like this.