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Introduction and greetings from the UK

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Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby Scottishguy » Sat Nov 23, 2019 4:50 pm

Hello everyone,

I wanted to write a quick introduction to you all. I've been intending to post an intro. on this forum for a couple of years. But somehow I've always managed to talk myself out of it... (Anyone else been here?)
I've read several posts on here I can really relate to.
So here goes:

Hello!

I'm 38 years old, male and I live in Scotland. I've recently returned to working in mental health (not as a professional, I hasten to add) after 3 years of being unemployed.
Working again is really rewarding, but I find the social demands are a bit overwhelming. I'm ok in meetings and facilitating groups, but I really struggle with one-to-ones and meeting new people.

I find the most difficult thing is trying to judge tone, content and just what to say to people.
Eek! I find it a challenge to know what to include, what's relevant and what people actually need to know.
Writing this intro being a good example; I find emails and writing are even harder than face-to-face meetings. I constantly write drafts and then delete them, or save them without sending them.

Mostly I just constantly fear upsetting people, inconveniencing them, boring them or impinging on their privacy. (I can't think of a better way to describe it, but I'm sure there is a clearer more concise way.)
So I keep on trying, I keep on writing, going in to work and worrying about all the things I need to do that I haven't managed to face up to yet.

What am I so afraid of? Disapproval, rejection, criticism, making mistakes, being laughed at, yelled, failing to do my job properly or becoming too unwell to work again.

What I wanted to ask is about people's awareness and acceptance of anxiety?
I find it really difficult to notice when I'm nervous.
I don't mind being told that I look, sound or seem anxious at all. But I can't face admitting it to myself.
I find it really hard to accept that I can't face my fears. Or that fear and avoidance has cost me my career, livelihood, my health, relationships, and most of my friends.
I can accept when I feel low, tired, sad, tearful etc. But I just can't accept that avoiding any kind of social situation has dictated my entire adult life.

Can anyone else relate to this? Have you experienced it too?

(OK I'd better try and hit the submit button. Eeek! Here goes...
Peace, love empathy to all)
What it says on my diagnosis is:

    Depression
    Personality disorder, unspecified (moderate, with avoidant and borderline, components)
Scottishguy
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Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby BrokenNotBaD » Sun Nov 24, 2019 10:54 pm

Hi mate.

I get all that, the fears, lack of self confidence, not wanting to put others out etc.

Not getting others tone or what content they want comes down to lack of learned social skills in my case.

I find I'm hypersensitivity to others emotions though and easily get overwhelmed and feel anxious alot. :|

Best of luck with the work, what exactly do you do if you don't mind me asking.
?
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Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby AArgon » Mon Nov 25, 2019 3:06 pm

Scottishguy wrote:I find it really hard to accept that I can't face my fears. Or that fear and avoidance has cost me my career, livelihood, my health, relationships, and most of my friends.
I can accept when I feel low, tired, sad, tearful etc. But I just can't accept that avoiding any kind of social situation has dictated my entire adult life.

Can anyone else relate to this? Have you experienced it too?

I deal with it by saving up my money so I can get my head frozen. In 10,000 years when the superhumans or super otters thaw it out and give me a new body I will have a better life than the one I have lived. Stop ruminating n the past and think to the future.
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Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby Scottishguy » Mon Nov 25, 2019 5:35 pm

BrokenNotBaD wrote:Not getting others tone or what content they want comes down to lack of learned social skills in my case.
?


Thank you BNB! I think that's it for me too (lack of learned social skills.)

I'm constantly thinking, "I need to ask a question, but I feel rude and/or stupid for having to ask it."
It's not because I'm not listening, it's just that I'm anxious.

BrokenNotBaD wrote:I find I'm hypersensitivity to others emotions though and easily get overwhelmed and feel anxious alot. :|
?


Ditto on the hypersensitivity thing. It seems like it's gotten a bit better as I've gotten older. It's just bad at the moment because I've been out of work for so long. So I'm just a bit like a rabbit in car headlights when I'm at work. (I mostly do admin and office stuff, minutes for meetings that sort of thing.)

Do you find other people understand why you're anxious? Or do they even notice?
What it says on my diagnosis is:

    Depression
    Personality disorder, unspecified (moderate, with avoidant and borderline, components)
Scottishguy
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Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:34 pm
Local time: Wed Mar 03, 2021 3:05 pm
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Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby BrokenNotBaD » Mon Nov 25, 2019 9:28 pm

Cool at least your back at work, something I haven't done in a long time. Enjoyed being a postman for a while, can say Hi to people but not feel trapped (BPD always nagging Im not good enough, no one wants to be near you unless they want something)

I think people have a sense when we are anxious even if they are not concious of it, they just have a feeling somethings off. Some people will try to make me feel comfortable if they sense it, but if I'm bad then nothing works.

Are you doing any therapy ? Meds ?
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Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby Scottishguy » Sun Dec 01, 2019 12:32 pm

[/quote]Stop ruminating n the past and think to the future.[/quote]

"The clock is running.
Make the most of today.
Time waits for no man.
Yesterday is history.
Tomorrow is a mystery.
Today is a gift.
That's why it is called the present."

I know you're right, just having a hard time actually doing it at the moment.
What it says on my diagnosis is:

    Depression
    Personality disorder, unspecified (moderate, with avoidant and borderline, components)
Scottishguy
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:34 pm
Local time: Wed Mar 03, 2021 3:05 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Introduction and greetings from the UK

Postby Scottishguy » Sun Dec 01, 2019 1:00 pm

BrokenNotBaD wrote:Cool at least your back at work, something I haven't done in a long time. Enjoyed being a postman for a while, can say Hi to people but not feel trapped (BPD always nagging Im not good enough, no one wants to be near you unless they want something)


That's really interesting what you said about BPD. I'd never really thought of it that way. The personality disorder diagnosis is relatively recent for me (past 2 or 3 years.) So I haven't really figured it out yet.

BrokenNotBaD wrote:I think people have a sense when we are anxious even if they are not conscious of it, they just have a feeling somethings off.


I'm definitely feeling like that being back at work. Whether it's real or not I'm not so sure. I do find myself having long pauses and saying "ummmmmmmm" a lot. When my brain is trying to play catch up.

BrokenNotBaD wrote:Are you doing any therapy ? Meds ?


Meds have been kept the same for a while now: venlafaxine & mirtazapine

I haven't done any therapy recently, but lots in the past. There's a course called The Decider which is based on DBT coming out soon to the UK. So I think that'll probably be the next thing I'll try.

Have you got any recommendations? Anything that's helped?
What it says on my diagnosis is:

    Depression
    Personality disorder, unspecified (moderate, with avoidant and borderline, components)
Scottishguy
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 9
Joined: Fri Jan 24, 2014 8:34 pm
Local time: Wed Mar 03, 2021 3:05 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


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