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Please help. 1st time poster.

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Please help. 1st time poster.

Postby jerm » Sat Jul 20, 2019 4:04 am

So, I have multiple things going on and I figured this was as good a place to post this as any. I'm not sure how much to include but, i'm sure it all relates to each other. I guess i'll just dive right in.

I have been unemployed for about a month and all of a sudden I am afraid to call back potential employers. I'm afraid to talk to people about a job, i'm afraid to go to an interview, etc. I don't know what to do. And I have been sending out my resume and gotten a few callbacks but i'm afraid to call them back! I can't explain it, it's like my body just won't let me. Also, - for probably the past year to year and a half - when I was working I felt a terrible burning sensation in the pit of my stomach when it was time to get up to go to work and when i was there I would literally tear up like i was going to cry. I just wanted to leave so bad. It felt like when I was 5 years old and I would have to spend the night somewhere that wasn't my house and I would get homesick. I was finding it increasingly more & more difficult to even go into work to show up for my shift. Like a constant deep-seated dread, a sense of impending doom. I would try to avoid all other people and avoid tasks that I might be judged on. Im sure my co-workers just think i was being lazy but I was honestly just too scared of doing the job wrong that I would just not do it at all sometimes. Please help.

For a little background - I'm 34 years old, I have a wife & children & a family to take care of, etc. I have very real responsibilities and i'm afraid this is ruining my marriage /life. I'm starting to hate myself. This isn't like I've never had a job before or something horrible happened at my last job or anything. This all seemed to just come up out of nowhere. I've also been diagnosed with depression and anxiety and ADD and I take Prozac and Adderall for that. I've also taken meds for bi-polar disorder in the past but all it did was make me feel dumb and even more depressed. While i'm at it: I also have been avoiding sex with my wife out of performance anxiety. I know, crazy, right?! but it's true. And this is so out-of-character for me, she would never believe that this is something wrong with me - she probably thinks i'm having an affair or just don't find her attractive anymore. Like I said, this all seemed to come up out of no where and I have no idea what i'm supposed to do. Meds like benzos are not an option as I am also a recovering addict and no matter how hard I try I always end up abusing them. I've actually had suicidal thoughts for the first time in almost 10 years.

I have a therapist but I feel like I can't tell him any of this because it seems like all new symptoms/problems and I feel like I would just be disappointing him or he would yell at me or something. I just don't feel comfortable telling him all this new and deeply secret stuff going on with me. I can see the end of my rope coming up fast.




Thanks for anyone able/willing to help.
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Re: Please help. 1st time poster.

Postby ddreamer » Sat Jul 20, 2019 10:20 pm

i can relate to you because i have had social anxiety/fear and performance anxiety most of my adult life. i was also treated for bipolar and depressions at various points.

first, if you're bipolar, you have to take meds all the time. there are 2 meds that don't produce mental impairment whatsoever: low dose lithium and lamictal. the others drugs will make you dumb alright, but you have to be a dumb doc to prescribe them too. if you live in USA, you can buy lithium orotate OTC, BTW.

2nd, there're meds that you can take to prevent social/performance anxiety. the most popular is propranolol. works great, it's cheap and hardly any side effects.

good luck to you.
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Re: Please help. 1st time poster.

Postby WinnieThePooh » Mon Aug 12, 2019 4:14 pm

ddreamer wrote:i can relate to you because i have had social anxiety/fear and performance anxiety most of my adult life. i was also treated for bipolar and depressions at various points.

first, if you're bipolar, you have to take meds all the time. there are 2 meds that don't produce mental impairment whatsoever: low dose lithium and lamictal. the others drugs will make you dumb alright, but you have to be a dumb doc to prescribe them too. if you live in USA, you can buy lithium orotate OTC, BTW.

2nd, there're meds that you can take to prevent social/performance anxiety. the most popular is propranolol. works great, it's cheap and hardly any side effects.

good luck to you.


I've read that popanolol may have sexual side effects (as do many depression/ADHD/anxiety medications), so I would be careful. It can be helpful for performance anxiety,
and perhaps for sexual performance anxiety but I would be careful.

-- Mon Aug 12, 2019 11:21 am --

jerm wrote:
I have a therapist but I feel like I can't tell him any of this because it seems like all new symptoms/problems and I feel like I would just be disappointing him or he would yell at me or something. I just don't feel comfortable telling him all this new and deeply secret stuff going on with me. I can see the end of my rope coming up fast.




Thanks for anyone able/willing to help.


Most therapist would view it as a good sign when you share more "deeply secret stuff" with them. I doubt that the therapist would be disappointed or yell at you, but of course, I don't know him/her.
You could look into finding another therapist if you are not comfortable with this one.
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