Our partner

Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Avoidant Personality Disorder message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: lilyfairy

Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby skyflyz » Tue May 07, 2019 7:39 pm

So I went to therapy for the first time a week ago. In thinking about how it went, I guess I am starting to get bothered by a couple of things. One is that she ended up hassling me for an emergency contact nearby, even though I had told her one of the reasons I was there was to learn how to meet people and I didn't know anybody. I had an emergency contact in a town 80 miles from here but that wasn't good enough for her. I also had a last resort contact that understands but doesn't speak very good English, that wasn't good enough for her. Frankly, I seriously don't want to have somebody called and be picked up from there anyhow. I should have just lied/not mentioned about the guy who doesn't speak English well but what's the point of therapy if you have to lie?

The other reason is that I told her something she completely misunderstood, even though I'm pretty sure I explained clearly.

Does anybody have an opinion if I should go back or look for another therapist? I'm getting the feeling she's not going to understand about not having any friends.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
User avatar
skyflyz
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:04 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby Oblivion » Wed May 08, 2019 11:02 pm

I tell people 911. All they want is someone to call if you're in some kind of crisis. What could be better than 911? Maybe it's for insurance purposes. In that case, it's not exactly part of the therapy, so I don't think lying would be a big deal. Did you end up giving her a number?

As for the therapist herself, try giving her one at least more chance. I've found that therapy seldom gets going until the second or third session anyway. Can you look for another therapist in the meantime just in case? This way if you fire her there won't be much of a gap of time in your therapy.

I find if I start to dread an upcoming therapy session or leave each session feeling like :? , then it's time to find someone new. I always tell new therapists "I'm not here to vent, and your feedback is important to me."
Oblivion
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 347
Joined: Sun Dec 30, 2018 3:24 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 11:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby lilyfairy » Thu May 09, 2019 11:38 am

If you want to give another session a go, then that's ok, but I personally think that if you're not feeling comfortable, then no. I don't think there's anything wrong with going with gut instinct. It is so, so disheartening when a therapist doesn't feel like the right fit. Most of the ones I said "no" to, I'd been feeling it by the end of the first session- I just didn't click with them at all, I felt really awkward and uncomfortable, there were topics I couldn't see myself talking about with them at all. Ever. The ones I was ok with- there were curly topics I felt ok mentioning briefly- "oh, btw I've been through xyz too, but I'm not ready to discuss it", and they respected my not wanting to discuss them, and I felt reasonably comfortable talking with them. It was still some time before I really felt I could trust them and talk about some particular topics in detail, but there wasn't a total feeling of mistrust and I felt kind of ok with them.

The therapists I did end up going to for some time- it still took me some time before I was ready to talk about things in detail, and to trust them as much as I did/do.

I think it's weird about the emergency contact. I get that it's probably just a procedural thing, but if you're not in contact with their standard list of people they'd call a contact, surely they can come up with another solution other than badgering you. I highly doubt that you're first person with a minimal support system around you. I have an emergency contact on my file, but my therapist assured me he would contact them as a last, last resort, and he'd do everything to contact me and talk with me about my safety before he would think about contacting them.

Having to lie in therapy sets alarm bells off. I considered a major lie to try to get a therapist off my back once about something I supposedly wouldn't admit to- that I was seriously considering that was not right.
"Courage isn't having the strength to go on- it is going on when you don't have the strength." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Forum Rules
lilyfairy
Site Admin
 
Posts: 11085
Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:34 am
Local time: Thu May 23, 2019 2:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby skyflyz » Fri May 10, 2019 12:04 am

Well I canceled the upcoming appointment with this therapist. I have one foot out the door when it comes to therapy anyhow and like I said, I think she won't get not having any friends or family to call. Sheesh, if I had that I probably wouldn't need to be in there.

I need to look for somebody who specializes in something closer to what I have problems with. It's probably too much to ask for a specialist in AVPD but social phobia, etc would be good.

She did say she'd have to call 911 if I couldn't come up with anybody but the way she said it was like it would be a horrible thing. Actually, the thought of being dragged out of there by anybody at all, emergency contact or not, made me want to bolt anyhow.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
User avatar
skyflyz
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:04 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby Akuma » Fri May 10, 2019 6:15 am

skyflyz wrote:I need to look for somebody who specializes in something closer to what I have problems with. It's probably too much to ask for a specialist in AVPD but social phobia, etc would be good.


I think a certain gut feeling about if the therapist might be a fit is an essential. But, if I may be so frank, I think trying to look for someone who "specializes" in neurosis-level disorders like social phobia is a bit of a stretch. Every therapist specializes in that, its not really a complicated disorder and its very common. Rather from my experience the wish to have a specialist is based on the wish to skip over the part where you need to get to know the person and where the person needs to get to know you - that includes having to talk about topics that might be embarrassing, like having no friends, explaining yourself, getting frustrated with the therapist not immediately understanding you etc.
I think its important to keep these two things apart, the therapist can be a bad fit, but if you experience this more often, then it might also be a part of your disorder and a more sneaky way of [rationalized] avoidance.
dx: dissociative disorder + npd
Akuma
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1547
Joined: Wed Jul 06, 2011 1:56 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 6:34 pm
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby skyflyz » Sat May 11, 2019 12:52 am

Akuma wrote:
skyflyz wrote:I need to look for somebody who specializes in something closer to what I have problems with. It's probably too much to ask for a specialist in AVPD but social phobia, etc would be good.


I think its important to keep these two things apart, the therapist can be a bad fit, but if you experience this more often, then it might also be a part of your disorder and a more sneaky way of [rationalized] avoidance.


Very good point. I did think of that, as I really do not like the thought of therapy at all. I took the doctor's assistant's advice on this therapist, as the assistant said her friends liked her and went to her. When I did a little research though I see that she seems to specialize in family type therapy, something I don't need. I didn't tell the doctor's assistant I have no friends, we just went through the depression quiz. So even a more garden variety therapist with general experience might be better.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
User avatar
skyflyz
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 1537
Joined: Mon Mar 14, 2011 9:04 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 9:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby Philonoe » Sat May 11, 2019 8:09 am

skyflyz,

Here is what you wrote in the other thread.
I went to the therapist today. I guess it went OK for a first time. She seems like a nice person and doesn't come off as condescending.


So it seems that your gut feeling was positive.

That's a good point for her.

I understand that the emergency question was not suited. On the other hand, it's good that she tried to follow the rules and asked for it.

Maybe you can go for 2-3 times before deciding. Just try and decide if you feel comfortable. You don't have to open about what you don't want to open. She is there for you, not you for her. You can bring the question of what you expect from her and if what she offers is suited for you.

Well, some thoughts...
Philonoe
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 2080
Joined: Sun Dec 29, 2013 5:32 pm
Local time: Wed May 22, 2019 4:34 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Should I go Back to this Therapist?

Postby lilyfairy » Fri May 17, 2019 12:59 pm

skyflyz wrote:I need to look for somebody who specializes in something closer to what I have problems with. It's probably too much to ask for a specialist in AVPD but social phobia, etc would be good.

I also think you may be pushed to find someone who specialises in AvPD. There are some that specialise in personality disorders- but I think they would be more focused on the more prominent, or obvious ones- BPD, NPD, HPD, and AsPD. The therapists I would go in search of, are ones with some experience in offering CBT, and ones with an interest in anxiety disorders. If I was going searching again, I'd be looking for someone with some experience with emotional abuse survivors now that I've understood that what happened was abusive.
"Courage isn't having the strength to go on- it is going on when you don't have the strength." - Napoleon Bonaparte

Forum Rules
lilyfairy
Site Admin
 
Posts: 11085
Joined: Sun May 08, 2011 10:34 am
Local time: Thu May 23, 2019 2:34 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Avoidant Personality Disorder Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 40 guests