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Best friend of 6 years has AVPD and it's been causing issues

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Best friend of 6 years has AVPD and it's been causing issues

Postby TakeMeHigher » Tue Nov 06, 2018 11:01 pm

She's been my best friend for 6 years, and while she's had her times of being kinda distant, it feels like recently it's gotten worse. Last year she ghosted me for a couple months. When I confronted her, she told me she gets into a cycle where after being distant, she's afraid to come back because she's worried I'll be mad at her and stop caring about her.

So after that got sorted out, our friendship returned to normal...until July of this year she got real distant and just outright stopped talking to me in early September.

Keeping in mind what she told me last time, I told her that I wasn't mad and I was worried that she didn't like me anymore. No response. I tried a couple more times and I left it at that. After about a week passed, the sadness and anger over a lost friendship built up, and one night while drunk, I verbally tore into her. That actually got a long response from her and she apologized, said she still wanted to be friends and missed me, and that she's been busy due to class, work, and saving up to move out with her gf.

We talked a little bit afterwards and she again reiterated her issue of getting in a cycle where she's afraid I'll hate her if she talks to me again, and tells me she has AVPD. I then apologized for lashing out like that.

Over the following week, she was willing to chat a little about stuff we're interested in but she kinda ignores anything serious like asking if she'd like to hang out or if she'd wanna maybe talk about her AVPD.

Then today happened. I've been anxious that any message I've been sending her will trigger her AVPD and cause her to run away, and I foolishly told her this and asked if she could maybe tell me if I should give her more or less affection to make her comfortable. She's ignored the message and now I'm very concerned I've triggered here into distancing herself again, possibly even ruining the friendship. That's where the story ends for now.

So yeah, any insights are welcome. Can this friendship be pulled out of the hole? What should I do?
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