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The Courage to be disliked

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The Courage to be disliked

Postby Patdan4 » Tue Nov 06, 2018 2:07 am

I posted here a month or two ago about how I’m treating my avpd and I’ve been better than ever. I can’t stress enough how important self reflection and acceptance is when treating things like these. I’m not saying accept your situation since it’s not going to change for the rest of your life and move on. What you need to do is accept your fears and anxieties and impulses and when they come over you. At first it might be overwhelming to do in social situations so try it out alone in bed after a long anxious day so the negative experiences are fresh in your mind. It will be uncomfortable because nobody wants to do that, but if you consciously process your fears and insecurities they will eventually run out of energy. Once you reach that state of peace with your fear you realize it doesn’t own you but you own it.

Someone said to me once when I told them about my social anxieties and how I always feel like everyone is looking at me, and they said “you think everything is about you? That sounds narcisstic. Get over it!” And I walked away in anger and thought that were completely ignorant because it’s not something I control. I got so so mad because it’s not my fault I am this way.

But here’s the thing. It is my fault. I am the one producing my anxiety, it is only me. When you really realize his simple fact, that everything you do feel and think is your choice, you will start to see a real change. The thing is nobody wants to realize this simple fact because they don’t want to give up their anxiety. Their anxiety is a coping mechanism to avoid getting close with people. And when they get close to people they become vulnerable and open to judgement. Realize that your avpd is a subconscious effort to stay away from people, become aware of your fears and avoidance, and realize it is a choice. Every person wishes their avpd was gone but nobody really wants to change. Do you really want to have close relationships with other people? Get rid of your daydreams, fantasies and wishes and think about real living relationships. Do you really want to feel connected with others again like you did when you were a kid? No you don’t want to. Because It’s scary as $#%^. But thing is you need to. You need that love in your life like every other human and that’s a craving that will never go away.
Yes you want to change.... but you don’t r e a l l y want to change. I’ll be surprised if people Click on this post because the title implies change and discomfort.

I strongly recommend reading “The Courage to be Disliked” by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga because they dive into the depths of this viewpoint. The book is basically a conversation between a young anxious kid and an experienced wise monk. The monk preaches to him the basics of Alderian psychology, which says everything you do and every action you make is not caused by your past but influenced by your present choices to achieve some sort of purpose.

Also, this is very important, do not be jealous of others. Don’t be jealous because it’s a waste of your time and it only diverges you further away from reconnecting with yourself. I’m going to quote the book “Right now you are unable to feel really happy. This is because you have not learned to love yourself. And to try to love yourself, you are wishing to be reborn as a different person. Look, no matter how much you want to be Y, you can never be reborn as him. You are not Y. It’s okay for you to be you. However, I’m not saying it’s fine to be “just as you are.” If you are unable to really feel happy, then it’s clear that things aren’t right just as they are. You’ve got to put one foot in front of the other and not stop.”
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Re: The Courage to be disliked

Postby MindOnAir » Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:30 am


Thanks for sharing your experiences. Your post have been encouraging to read and offers hope when I'm feeling down.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality, Erotomania (but not delusional disorder)
Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
The ability to like or love someone is a gift I can never have.
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