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AvPD IS CURABLE

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AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby Patdan4 » Mon Sep 03, 2018 10:30 pm

Bear with me because this MIGHT be a long post, but if you want to become person you were meant to be, then you should read this.

Now I’m not saying I’m cured, but I’m slowly starting to see progress in myself. If you don’t feel like reading then there’s a new YouTube video by curtiskessler that will explain exactly what you need to do.

It all started when Kanye West posted a tweet saying “live in love not in fear.” It didn’t mean much at first, and I thought “well that isn’t so easy when the very fabric of your existence is based in fear, anxiety, and insecurity.” But then I started playing around with ideas of eastern religion, Buddhism, and consciousness and I really started to wonder wha enlightenment means and what love in general could mean.

LOVE is the answer to all your problems. You forgot what love is. This isn’t some spiritual mystic, you literally forgot what love is. The thing with us avoidants is that we grew up not loving ourselves, and that is because from a young age we became convinced that expressing ourselves was not the right thing to do. This is in no way a beneficial or productive belief because it set us back from growing properly, finding meaningful relationships, and finding our identity in this world. In psychology terms, we got f***ed over in the “industry v inferiority” period of our development, which happens when you’re about 5-12.

Personally, I can remember the little things from my childhood that solidified this belief in my brain. My dad was a heavy drinker, so I tried my hardest not to upset him or make him feel sad. I wanted so badly to wear my hair to the side, because I thought it looked cool and I always had it straight down, but I felt like if I did that, it would make him feel like I was growing up too fast. It might sound dumb, but it was the small things from our past which later became major problems which led us to where we are now.

Now, with us avoidants we want to be accepted. That’s totally cool, so do most people, but it becomes a problem when you think that who you are isn’t already good enough. What can you do to naturally install confidence in yourself? Well my friends, this is the conclusion I have come up with, as have others who have healed themselves:

Lay down, relax and get ready to explore your subconscious. As curtiskessler wisely said, it’s like walking across a grass field at night with a flashlight, and the field is filled with holes. Those holes represent your fears, and the only way to fix them is by pouring love into them. However, for avoidants, this field is completely polluted with holes, so it might take some time to fully restore the field.

How exactly do you love yourself and fill the holes, you might ask? This is a question only YOU know the answer to. You just need to observe the fears, as uncomfortable as it might get, and seriously just view the fear from a perspective of love and trust. You’re going to figure out what it actually means to love yourself, something you forgot how to do a long time ago.

You have to do the thing you were so hesitant to do as a child, to love the things about yourself you thought were unlovable. Now, I FULLY love my hair and respect my desire to express myself and wear my hair however I want to wear it. And seriously.. I am unfazed by the opinion of others on my hair because I know that I love it and that’s all that actually matters. That’s just one tiny example.

You stop judging other people because you realize that’s just a reflection of your own insecurities. Loving yourself eventually leads to trusting yourself, which eventually leads to having confidence, the kind you never knew you could have. Other people’s opinions start to matter less when you trust yourself. Trusting yourself is like a force field around your brain and heart that blocks off any unnecessary anxiety-inducing situations, and the only thing that can power that force field is love. FEAR breaks down that force field, and for us avoidants, that forcefield is completely shattered. It’s about building it back up again.

It’s not about forced socialization and biting through the anxiety and fear, it’s about shifting your conscious perspective from one of fear to one of love.
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby Emily4747 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 2:39 am

I already asked this in the comments on that video but in case he doesn't answer I'm just gonna ask here too cuz I wanna try this tonight but am kinda confused and want to make sure I'm doing the right thing before I do it haha. so.. am I trying to think of all of my individual fears or just about the feeling of fear itself?
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby Patdan4 » Wed Sep 05, 2018 6:32 pm

It’s all your individual fears and insecurities that add up to your generalized fear. So start small, start with something about yourself that you wish others could accept and not judge you for. You probably will feel anxiety when you start to think about whatever that is, and you might even have flashbacks to times where you felt there were people that disapproved of you because of that.

You might try convincing yourself that you should be confident with this part of yourself because it’s all in your head. That is NOT what you should do. Don’t TRY to love yourself, just love yourself.

The point of this is to change your belief system. To change it from “I need other people’s approval to be happy” to “All I need is to trust myself.” You are the master of your environment, and once you start loving the fears sown into you, you will realize your opinion of yourself is the only opinion that actually matters.

Instead of being in a social situation and thinking “she definitely thinks I’m a loser, ugly etc” you just don’t care what they are thinking, because this is your life and your Life only.

Your fear won’t “go away”, that’s not the right way to put it. It’s more like you will understand how to change the fear to self love. So start small and you will see your general fear start to diminish. I swear once you get it, you’re going to understand exactly what to do
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby MindOnAir » Wed Oct 17, 2018 9:44 pm

Loving yourself is a good thing, but be careful not to turn that into spoiling yourself which creates a facade for actual problems. Thinking "I deserve something nice" because of the trauma endured during childhood is a dangerous thought. I had to learn the hard way.
Dx: Avpd, Paranoid Personality. Erotomania. Shoplifter.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
27. F. Working full-time. Been shoplifting free for 2
years and counting.
Medication: escitalopram 10 mg
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby JCB » Thu Oct 18, 2018 3:00 pm

I'm glad you find a way for yourself. But all you're saying pulls no weight in my opinion. First of it's all too vague what you say, 2nd loving oneself is not the solution for everyone with avpd, 3th it's like saying to a fat guy, you just have to eat less.

Dont get me wrong, i know it's well meant of you but to me it feels like you're giving a solution that's just not a solution. Even for yourself, that you found love for yourself to some degree is nice, but it's not the "cure" you talked about. Loving yourself is a byproduct of the "cure" you found for yourself to deal with how you percieve your avpd.

And yes, there is truth in it that one should not talk themselves down in their own head, but fixing that is another story.


And besides that, love on itself is as vague as it can get. Maybe for people with AVPD it's more vague cause when i love someone, or something or so, trying to explain that feeling or put those feelings to words that describe that feeling, and why or how that feeling exists within oneself, is hardly impossible, atleast for me. I know however, when i love something or someone, it doesnt take away the avpd, even when im at a point where i can see self love.

Love is a strange thing, it can not be incited i think. it just happens. Just the same way as you cant make someone fall in love with you, or make yourself fall in love with someone, it happens or it does not.
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby dave1234 » Sat Oct 27, 2018 1:16 am

at some point a lot of people like us think they've cured themselves

its good the effort you put in
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby Patdan4 » Thu Nov 08, 2018 1:32 am

MindOnAir wrote:Loving yourself is a good thing, but be careful not to turn that into spoiling yourself which creates a facade for actual problems. Thinking "I deserve something nice" because of the trauma endured during childhood is a dangerous thought. I had to learn the hard way.


I agree, that sounds more like narcissism to me. I’m just saying to fully embrace your authentic self and learn to be open to new experiences. There’s a difference between thinking “I deserve something nice” and “I am good enough to have something nice”
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Re: AvPD IS CURABLE

Postby Patdan4 » Thu Nov 08, 2018 2:17 am

JCB wrote:I'm glad you find a way for yourself. But all you're saying pulls no weight in my opinion. First of it's all too vague what you say, 2nd loving oneself is not the solution for everyone with avpd, 3th it's like saying to a fat guy, you just have to eat less.

Dont get me wrong, i know it's well meant of you but to me it feels like you're giving a solution that's just not a solution. Even for yourself, that you found love for yourself to some degree is nice, but it's not the "cure" you talked about. Loving yourself is a byproduct of the "cure" you found for yourself to deal with how you percieve your avpd.

And yes, there is truth in it that one should not talk themselves down in their own head, but fixing that is another story.


And besides that, love on itself is as vague as it can get. Maybe for people with AVPD it's more vague cause when i love someone, or something or so, trying to explain that feeling or put those feelings to words that describe that feeling, and why or how that feeling exists within oneself, is hardly impossible, atleast for me. I know however, when i love something or someone, it doesnt take away the avpd, even when im at a point where i can see self love.

Love is a strange thing, it can not be incited i think. it just happens. Just the same way as you cant make someone fall in love with you, or make yourself fall in love with someone, it happens or it does not.


I agree, Love is a natural occurrence, and you don’t choose who or what you fall in love with. It just is the way it is. I think it was Carl Jung that you can’t become whoever you want to be, that there are certain limits in everybody that determine what they love, what they find funny, etc. That’s why comparing yourself to other people is useless because you will never be anybody except for yourself.

However, nobody is born being self conscious. Nobody is born guilty, anxious, or paranoid. Babies and kids have a natural curiosity of the world and the reason we find them cute is because they are fully authentic and nothing holds them back. However as we grow up we learn certain things about us are not okay, that we should suppress how we express ourselves and limit our natural flow of love into ourselves and into the world. We CHOOSE to be the way we are today. I chose to not express myself when I was a kid because I felt like I would hurt my dads feelings. Now that I’m older I realize that belief doesn’t serve a purpose anymore and I’m CHOOSING to express myself more. It doesn’t exactly take away from the anxiety because of all the negative beliefs I accumulated while growing up and going to school. However when the anxiety comes it doesn’t consume me anymore. I’m able to fight fear with authenticity. I don’t hold back from the fear. I realized the more you try to control your thoughts, they will control you.

I think authenticity is a better word then self love. Self love will come to you when you are being authentic, because it is only natural. Look up Jordan Peterson “how to be authentic” and you’ll see what that actually means. You know you’re being authentic when you feel powerful with what you’re doing/saying. Literally what I do is I put my favorite song on and dance freely. I don’t try to judge the way my body and arms move, and I dance as if nobody is watching me. When the song is finished I have a rush of adrenaline in my body and I’m so deeply happy because it feels amazing to express yourself when your whole life you’ve been suppressing everything about yourself. Try to unlock the authentic part of yourself, learn to love yourself, that way when your faced with social situations you are able to stay grounded. Loving yourself will not cure your anxiety, but it will give you the ability to not let your thoughts drown you so you can slowly open yourself up to people. I am not kidding, 2 years ago I feared going to work every single day because I would have to see my coworkers and I felt like they all hated me. I cannot explain how intense the feeling of shame and anxiety was. However now I am able to manage relationships authentically, be mindful when my anxiety kicks in, and feel empathy for others people rather than constantly scanning to see if they disapprove of me.
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