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Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

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Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby skyflyz » Mon Aug 06, 2018 5:06 am

As the subject mentions, I used to automatically blame myself when I ran into some unpleasant or embarrassing or otherwise bad situation. I used to automatically blame myself with very critical internal self talk. One day I decided I'd blame others and not myself. So I explored that option for once.

This seems to have been a positive thing. I'm not saying it's an overnight life changer, but I think over years of saying "wait a sec, maybe THEY were wrong" I no longer automatically blame myself. This has led to a better self concept and increased confidence.

This sort of reminds me of a successful tiny bit of CBT that anybody can try.
“If you are depressed you are living in the past.
If you are anxious you are living in the future.
If you are at peace you are living in the present.”
― Lao Tzu
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Re: Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby lilyfairy » Thu Aug 09, 2018 11:51 am

I saw this article https://au.be.yahoo.com/one-word-barbie ... 23433.html on Yahoo a week or so ago, and realised that they really do have a point. How it's become an automatic response for us to say "sorry" even if we have nothing to apologise for. I know I do it myself. And have probably more than once ended up saying sorry to someone who has actually been the one to hurt me, and that they should have been doing the apologising.

Changing that habit is going to take some time, but to start with just catching myself doing it is the challenge- and realising just how much I do it.
"Courage isn't having the strength to go on- it is going on when you don't have the strength." - Napoleon Bonaparte

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Re: Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby Philonoe » Fri Aug 10, 2018 7:12 am

Interesting question

It's a big thing in human relations to be able to take responsibility some time and not take some time. And act on it.

I tend to say sorry - it doesn't matter in the public transport. If both say sorry, it's ok.

In closer relations, it's more difficult to sort for me. For the time being i would tend to feel sorry all the time. Sometime for a reason, sometime just for no reason. Not them not me are guilty of something. If i send a message and no answer i think : "what did i wrong" instead of thinking "maybe they are busy or something".

About bigger responsibility, it's important to be able to sort. When i had that job issue, i knew what they did consciously - but couldn't avoid having part of me feeling wrong.

Is it some part of oneself who always looks for the good in the other person?
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Re: Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby Iwantfearaway1 » Sun Aug 12, 2018 4:09 am

I do the same too. I have APD and I tend to look at the good in others. Im not so good at doing that of myself though. I really started feeling bad about myself as early as 7 th grade. I had alot of bad experiences throughout elementary school. It is nice to think well of others. Good attitude!
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Re: Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby Philonoe » Sun Aug 12, 2018 6:38 am

Iwantfearaway1 wrote:It is nice to think well of others. Good attitude!

It's good... or not :|

It's ok to think bad about them sometimes.


If not, you can't sort. You are lonely with all the bad. You can't move.
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Re: Blaming Others Instead of Yourself

Postby Philonoe » Mon Aug 13, 2018 4:07 pm

I've been thinking about it. It's interesting and big topic.

Sometimes i blame myself too much. I mean : sometimes i'm responsible of something. For instance i lost something or forgot something. Then i'm angry at myself.

I think it's good to be good with oneself too.
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