Self Sabotage

ViniStonemoss wrote:
In general, we're trying to recreate early experiences.

Yes. Child/Parent bonding can be such that the adult child chooses situations, especially pertaining to relationships, that they are familiar with, can identify with, and associate with being Loved/Cared for.

-- Wed Nov 18, 2020 8:58 am --

ViniStonemoss wrote:
What happened? Something must have happened...

Some people, especially those who think 'logically' or scientifically' are opposed to a different view point especially if it cannot be backed up by Science. I become angry when discussion or debate attacks the person posting rather than encourages open dialogue. My words were in defense to being attacked, and I turned into a viper!
There is no mathematical equation for 'instinct' ... so one can never win any argument where their opinion relies on instinct.
The topic is 'Mandatory covid 19 vaccine'. Very divisive subject. My point being, that making anything mandatory will cause people to resist. If they want people on board with being jabbed by a 'rushed' vaccine they need to NOT make it mandatory. People have the right to refuse.
I was surprised at the lack of support in resisting Mandatory Vax.
Regardless, I think Fear is the basis of both arguments.
They fear death.
I fear the loss of individual autonomy.

salles wrote:A few months ago I saw a psychiatrist. Only my second ever, in many years. He told me I was 'addicted' to negative thinking. I felt resentful, but lately feel he might be right if overly simplistic.

I had a therapist who once told me that my negative thoughts- or specifically my self harm thoughts, had become automatic. It had just become a go-to when my thoughts were spinning out of control. It wasn't really even about wanting to harm- it was just distracting from whatever flurry of thoughts were there at the time.

wobbie wrote:

avoidant112 wrote:4 years later, still self sabotaging. I remember feeling as if I was at rock bottom when I originally made this post. Boy was I wrong.

That's interesting, I have always felt the same (about always reaching new lows). To the point where I can actually look back at what were "awful" times and actually miss that period or feel some fondness for it. Maybe it's the way our minds misinterpret what is happening in the moment. But I think it's just a feature of life to some extent, we're all going to suffer the indignities of aging and so on

Looking back on it though, as bad as the situation was, you got through it, and it looks way different now to what it did at the time. Whatever the current issue is probably looks equally as confronting to what the past awful time did in that very moment.

salles wrote:The topic is 'Mandatory covid 19 vaccine'. Very divisive subject. My point being, that making anything mandatory will cause people to resist. If they want people on board with being jabbed by a 'rushed' vaccine they need to NOT make it mandatory. People have the right to refuse.
I was surprised at the lack of support in resisting Mandatory Vax.
Regardless, I think Fear is the basis of both arguments.
They fear death.
I fear the loss of individual autonomy.

I think in general people are so desperate for a solution to covid 19 at the moment- any solution, and I don't think a lot of people have stopped to think about the implications of a solution- whatever that solution- treating the virus with experimental medicines or vaccine. I don't personally have an issue with mandatory, or mandatory with specific exemptions, but it could be worded better. I have a science background, but I still feel uncomfortable with it being rushed through. I have immune system issues and I'd like to know it's properly tested and safe first before lining up for it. Even though the current situation means we need to move fast, it being quite rushed is still a concern to me.

salles wrote:Regardless, I think Fear is the basis of both arguments.
They fear death.
I fear the loss of individual autonomy.

Fear is driving a lot in the world right now.

I did.

Praise or anything positive was something that I just couldn't handle.

All that attention felt like egg beaters on my brain.

I'm getting a lot better at receiving positive attention now and being a social person after I linked my stress with the constant emotional and spiritual abuse I received as a child.

Usually I was picked on in my home. Everything, every word, every syllable, every nuance was constantly being analyzed and thrown in my face if I did something "wrong" or "hurtful".

But sometimes I did a really good job. And when that happened I got all this other attention and people gave me compliments and such. It was so hard because I was only ever used to being put-down. I wouldn't know what to say or how to act. I'd say 'Thanks' and then I'd get yelled at because "That was ALL???"

I didn't know know to respond to positive attention so it really scared me.

I never wanted the positivity because I felt like I was cheating the people I got the attention from. Like, no you don't want to like me. I'm not really a fun person. I'm crap. Just ignore me. That's better.

They told me I wasn't responding "appropriately" that something was "wrong" with me. But I was just scared. I'm not a kid anymore and I can do things well and people can like me for who I am.

salles wrote:I become angry when discussion or debate attacks the person posting rather than encourages open dialogue. My words were in defense to being attacked, and I turned into a viper!
There is no mathematical equation for 'instinct' ... so one can never win any argument where their opinion relies on instinct.
The topic is 'Mandatory covid 19 vaccine'. Very divisive subject. My point being, that making anything mandatory will cause people to resist. If they want people on board with being jabbed by a 'rushed' vaccine they need to NOT make it mandatory. People have the right to refuse.
I was surprised at the lack of support in resisting Mandatory Vax.

If you had written that people should not wear masks, I could have understood why people reacted angrily. But there was nothing so extreme about your position that justified personal attacks.

salles wrote:Regardless, I think Fear is the basis of both arguments.
They fear death.
I fear the loss of individual autonomy.

Your analysis looks sound. Among the various strategies people use to keep a lid on their fear, anger is probably my go-to as well.

But it also sounds like they may have insulted your intelligence by dismissing your viewpoint entirely. That is not a great look and speaks volume too about their lack of equanimity.

Same as you, I think it's important to master my emotions, but sometimes people are just too dumb, and there is nothing you can do to make the conversation possible.

VSM wrote:Your analysis looks sound. Among the various strategies people use to keep a lid on their fear, anger is probably my go-to as well.

But it also sounds like they may have insulted your intelligence by dismissing your viewpoint entirely. That is not a great look and speaks volume too about their lack of equanimity.

Same as you, I think it's important to master my emotions, but sometimes people are just too dumb, and there is nothing you can do to make the conversation possible.

I think some ''scientists' are more 'tunnel visioned' than the 'ignorant' masses they despise. They rely solely on facts and stats, which does not necessarily impart wisdom.

lilyfairy wrote:
I think in general people are so desperate for a solution to covid 19 at the moment- any solution, and I don't think a lot of people have stopped to think about the implications of a solution- whatever that solution- treating the virus with experimental medicines or vaccine. I don't personally have an issue with mandatory, or mandatory with specific exemptions, but it could be worded better. I have a science background, but I still feel uncomfortable with it being rushed through. I have immune system issues and I'd like to know it's properly tested and safe first before lining up for it. Even though the current situation means we need to move fast, it being quite rushed is still a concern to me.

Thanks for your input. It is important that people with either autoimmune disorders, or immunosuppression health issues have clear, accurate and transparent information. But the reality is, however brilliant the technology is re new vaccine, there will be no long-term safety or effectiveness conclusions until it has been around for a while. I admit , clinical trial studies look good regarding this, but at the end of the day, people should be able to choose. I think there will be enough people who want this vaccine to not have to make it mandatory. But I guess the dilemma arises if it does become mandatory and punitive measures , such as being fired, arise if people choose to wait.

( Don't want to hijack this thread on this)
Self sabotage is WAAY more interesting...