How to rebuild your bubble

At my workplace it is unionized and hard to fire people. If you make mistakes they just give you less work to do. is your workplace unionized?

Hi Aargon,

Thank you for your comment. It's ok. There is no risk of being fired for that.
I feel better, but still avoid the person who was so angry at me.

I'll need to talk to them because we'll need to work together.

I don't know what to say.

It's ok I did it.

I talked to an other colleague involved. It gave me some relief. Then, at some moment I talked to the colleague who was so angry.
Although it was some weeks ago, I came back to the event and explained what I did and why, and apologised for the mistake.
We talked about what to do in such context.

At their expression, I had the impression that it was ok.

As long as people don't make mistakes because they are slackers it's not so bad. People who make mistakes because they are too lazy to do it right bother me. But I'm in government work so people like that are all around...

It's ok it was not so big mistake. They shouldn't have yelled that way. I'm afraid the place is a little disorganised for the time being. I feel a little confused.

Hi,

Still have same sort of questions... practical advices would be appreciated

Sometimes I happen to be very angry at someone. For instance some neighbour, colleague etc. I feel very irritated by some attitude. If it happens in the evening (or even afternoon), often I can't sleep.

How can I make that anger get out of my mind and sleep?

Not really sure Philonoe- I'm not very good at dealing with anger either. I tend to dissociate it, so I don't actually feel it, but it does end up just all thought out in my head- angry thoughts but not physically feeling it. Just going around in overwhelming circles.

Does distraction help at all? Sometimes music helps me in general. I used to fall asleep at night to the radio beside my bed going- not loud enough to be able to distinguish what the songs were, but it was just a little bit of light background noise that was not dead silence for my brain to fill in the gaps with.

The past year or so I've found myself not wanting to listen to music, and I used to have music going all day in the background- partly for company when I'm alone and I used to like listening to it. I am a musician too. But I've been craving quiet a lot more- I think I've just realised I'm overwhelmed, and recently it's been confirmed I have autism, which is making a lot of sense. But the last week or so I've been listening to some classical music, and have actually enjoyed it, thinking I might put a CD of it in my car (which doesn't do fancier than CD's) and see if it helps me on some of those bigger "dealing with people" days.

I know classical isn't for everyone, but maybe find something you like to listen to that's calming for you?

Hi Lily,

Thank you for your nice answer. Like you said, I crave quiet. I like silence. Maybe more then before.
Some music could be a good company, but when I'm angry I'm afraid I can't really listen. My mind is - sort of- not available.
I need to get anger out of myself. Maybe playing music would be good to deal with anger.
Or maybe painting, or maybe writing? Or breathe? Or medidate to understand the deeper cause of my anger?

You say you had autism diagnostic. Sometime, some people with autism give me security. In family gatherings, one of them is like a refuge, with people around dealing with powergames and filling the blanks. We can talk about some topic. Just talk.

I hope the diagnostic is helpful for you.

It takes so much time to understand oneself, accept own needs and limitations, build own space.

You're welcome.

Philonoe wrote:I need to get anger out of myself. Maybe playing music would be good to deal with anger.
Or maybe painting, or maybe writing? Or breathe? Or medidate to understand the deeper cause of my anger?

You could try out any of those things- I guess give it a go, and if it doesn't help- well you can cross that one on the list. I've got a squishy ball in my hand at the moment- I was feeling kind of overwhelmed about an appointment being messed around and changed, and it's actually helping, and it's the first time I've picked it up when feeling kind of overwhelmed, so it might need to become a go-to, and maybe I need to buy another. Edit*- The feeling did come back later, but it was somewhat helpful in the moment. What works for you might be totally not helpful to someone else and vice versa. Maybe you need a squishy ball too.

The diagnosis has been very helpful, and provided answers to so many things about why everything seems so hard. I can understand why some people with autism would seem a safe refuge. I'd rather seek out a quieter person in a large group too.

Squishy ball? Good idea. A way to get the anger outside. Something like break the dishes, yell... but quieter.
I grew in a place where there was much tension and drama, but my own anger was supposed to stay inside. So when I feel very angry, I still tend to direct anger towards myself, for instance eating my fingers to blood.
I still feel uncomfortable with expressing anger. I think I try to control myself, deeply. That's not good for energy. Energy has to circulate and get out of the body.