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I feel like i'm going insane

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I feel like i'm going insane

Postby XoxoMe » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:50 pm

Hi, so i'm a girl (not diagnosed for anyting, idk what's happening with me but i think it's something idk) in her second year of uni, and since i started lessons when they we're online, i never actually had real lessons. Turns out they're not that great :(. They bring a lot of stress and irritations with them. I had a morning full of lessons today, and everyone was talking through it, till the point that i got really angry and frustrated, and wanted to either yell at them or start crying. Other people seem to ignore this somehow? So a full day of lessons makes it really hard for me to study after them. My mental energy is gone, i feel like i'm this close to just breaking down. I really want to study and i enjoy it, but i just can't seem to start. I'm so mentally exhausted.. I just came home and put on my music to listen and cry to. This is my way of coping i think. I never told anyone this, but i think i stim to the music? Idk a lot about autism and adhd, but i do know everyone stimms, so i'm not necessarily autistic or anything else. I shake my hands and make movements with my fingers to the music, it just feels right. My feet and sometimes legs too. And i cry and silent scream cause i feel like i'm going insane. I feel like i can't do what others seem to find not that difficult. They have time to go out, party, and still pass their exams. While i sleep 10 hours a night, wake up early to study cause only then i have energy, and i still failed some exams. I'm also a perfectionist so that might have something to do with it. I feel lazy and unworthy, but i also know that i'm not, and that i have so much potential and can do anything, and that i'm actually really good at some things. Right now i feel like uni's not for me, but not the learning things stuff, but the 'social' stuff and all the other factors i summed up.

The reason i'm posting here is because i always could relate a lot to autistic traits and seveal other neurodivergent traits. I know this does not have to mean anything, but everytime i saw a tiktok about that i felt so understood. So basically, i feel like i need to go to a psychologist to go get some help? A diagnosis is not really something i'm looking for, but maybe i could get help for the things i'm experiencing. But idk if this is normal? I always assumed the others just felt the same but manage to get over it, and me, the weak one, can't.

I've always had the feeling there was something wrong with me, whatever it would be, doesn't matter.

I'm sorry for the rant, i just had a mini breakdown and i'm considering going to a psychologist but idk if it's important enough so.. is it? Please help me if you can!

Also, idk if this is in the right topic, maybe i'm just dramatic? Idk

Thank you very much for sitting through this.
XoxoMe
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