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I feel like i'm going insane

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I feel like i'm going insane

Postby XoxoMe » Tue Oct 05, 2021 3:50 pm

Hi, so i'm a girl (not diagnosed for anyting, idk what's happening with me but i think it's something idk) in her second year of uni, and since i started lessons when they we're online, i never actually had real lessons. Turns out they're not that great :(. They bring a lot of stress and irritations with them. I had a morning full of lessons today, and everyone was talking through it, till the point that i got really angry and frustrated, and wanted to either yell at them or start crying. Other people seem to ignore this somehow? So a full day of lessons makes it really hard for me to study after them. My mental energy is gone, i feel like i'm this close to just breaking down. I really want to study and i enjoy it, but i just can't seem to start. I'm so mentally exhausted.. I just came home and put on my music to listen and cry to. This is my way of coping i think. I never told anyone this, but i think i stim to the music? Idk a lot about autism and adhd, but i do know everyone stimms, so i'm not necessarily autistic or anything else. I shake my hands and make movements with my fingers to the music, it just feels right. My feet and sometimes legs too. And i cry and silent scream cause i feel like i'm going insane. I feel like i can't do what others seem to find not that difficult. They have time to go out, party, and still pass their exams. While i sleep 10 hours a night, wake up early to study cause only then i have energy, and i still failed some exams. I'm also a perfectionist so that might have something to do with it. I feel lazy and unworthy, but i also know that i'm not, and that i have so much potential and can do anything, and that i'm actually really good at some things. Right now i feel like uni's not for me, but not the learning things stuff, but the 'social' stuff and all the other factors i summed up.

The reason i'm posting here is because i always could relate a lot to autistic traits and seveal other neurodivergent traits. I know this does not have to mean anything, but everytime i saw a tiktok about that i felt so understood. So basically, i feel like i need to go to a psychologist to go get some help? A diagnosis is not really something i'm looking for, but maybe i could get help for the things i'm experiencing. But idk if this is normal? I always assumed the others just felt the same but manage to get over it, and me, the weak one, can't.

I've always had the feeling there was something wrong with me, whatever it would be, doesn't matter.

I'm sorry for the rant, i just had a mini breakdown and i'm considering going to a psychologist but idk if it's important enough so.. is it? Please help me if you can!

Also, idk if this is in the right topic, maybe i'm just dramatic? Idk

Thank you very much for sitting through this.
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Re: I feel like i'm going insane

Postby nessinpink0 » Sat May 14, 2022 7:23 am

hi, I'm also not diagnosed and am about a week away from sitting my a level exams, and I really related to a lot of what you're saying! my whole life I have always thought there was something wrong with me, and there were times I would try and self diagnose myself with anxiety disorders and stuff, but it just wouldn't quite fit. then recently, one of my autistic friends basically said to me, "have you ever considered you might have autism?" my mind was kinda blown. i took a few tests, most saying something along the lines of "maybeee, but it's mild" and so i basically just decided i couldn't possibly have autism. a few weeks later i stumbled across a video about autism in women, and that's when it clicked. that maybe i wasn't lazy and demotivated and "volatile", i'm just autistic.

honestly though, i also feel like i'm going insane because part of me just doesn't believe i could have it: i don't think i have major sensory issues and i'm not absolutely incapable of socialising, my hatred for change and rigidity could be a stress thing or an anxiety thing, and the doubts don't even end there. some of it makes so much sense, obviously, like how withdrawn i am and the crushing fatigue after big social events. i've always been highly strung and unable to deal well with stress, i've always said how i feel "too fragile" for living in this world.

you should totally go an see a psychologist, but definitely make sure to do a lot of research first so they don't dismiss you immediately. what i'm doing (though i'm not sure that i will contact a gp or anything) is compiling a document of all the symptoms and things i can relate to. good luck with university, i hope you're able to find your footing a bit more!
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Re: I feel like i'm going insane

Postby 2ost » Sun May 15, 2022 7:06 pm

XoxoMe wrote:I had a morning full of lessons today, and everyone was talking through it, till the point that i got really angry and frustrated, and wanted to either yell at them or start crying. […] I'm so mentally exhausted.. I just came home and put on my music to listen and cry to. This is my way of coping i think.

Hi, I'm not on the spectrum. But I I think, that I know this kind of stress. A therapist told me, that noise-canceling-headphones may help me, that it helped many autists before. I tried it and they helped indeed. Headphones on, music, etc. of your choice, and retreat. It's not an solution to everything (or at last, not to me). But it helped a bit and it wasn't the only advice, my therapist had for me (though the rest didn't worked as good for me, as the first advice).

Try it, retreat, if you think, that that help, look for a therapy, if you can. Look for a diagnosis, if you want (which would be a good choice, if you ask me). But firstly: Look, if there is psychological help for students at your university. Many universities offer such kind of support, without the need of an diagnosis, etc. and for evry studend who asks for help.)

Best wishes to you, what ever you do and… you're not weak if you suffers from something, others didn't even have the slightes idea from. Maybe you're different, but difference is neither a weakness, nor per se bad. :)
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