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Am i on the autistic spectrum?

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Am i on the autistic spectrum?

Postby sofidk » Wed Jul 01, 2020 12:12 am

i’m afraid to come across as an attention seeking but i have this thought laying around my mind for quite some time now and i just want some clarity.
This is my first post here so im sorry for not knowing how things works here ahah

p.s. im sorry for my writing style but my brain works in bullet points hahah

(english is not my first language)

my childhood was strange, i don’t remember it well but i know i had the tendency to be violent and that i’d lash out to the other kids but i also had a wide vocabulary and knew a lot of things (like fun facts of science or anything like that) other kids did not. I always preferred staying and talking with adults than my peers.
Then when i was 6 i had a lot of difficulties with making friends, and i had the tendency to copy other because i just couldn’t understand how to befriend people.
i always tended to have a mom friend because i had a lot of difficulties at functioning and behaving like a normal kid and i’d always lean on her.
When i was playing with my toys, for me the actual game was to arrange and organizing all the elements and then when i finished i’d just put them all box.
I always had problems with too bright lights, too loud noises, food and texture.
I can’t stand white lights and anything that’s too bright, i cant stand a lot of noises and i tend to shut down and start to make my own noises in order to focus on them, i cant stand spicy/flavored and too salty food and different texture mixed together in the same plate (like crunchy and soft), i cant stand certain texture on me and their sounds or feeling on my skin.
I always had a VERY creative mind and i’d day dream a lot, like a lot.
I am obsessive with the things i like, be it a person or a topic, i have to know e v e r y t h i n g.
I was always very shy and quiet anytime i was in a new environment or with new people.
I had problems with depression and severe social anxiety for all my life, because of a sexual trauma.
difficulty with social communication increased with age and now im a hot mess.
I struggle with sarcasm and irony, and i have an hard time with identifying my emotions in regard of a person.
I really cant regulate my tone of voice, i am loud even when i don’t think i am.
im a perfectionist and a workaholic, i just dont want a body because it’s a waste of time, all this sleeping and tiredness that keeps me from reading books man.
I have a really strange memory, i can remember everything about this topic but then forget my own birthday.
I always have to play with something in my hands or move something, like my leg of foot.
I have nervous ticks.
in order to understand something i have to read it (in bullet point) because for me listen isnt an opinion, i have to read and visualize it because when i hear something for me it’s just a blank space in my mind.

i have so many more experience and things to write down here but i don’t know how to summarize so i’ll just end it here haha

p.p.s. I’ve been seeing my psychologist for 4 year but she doesn’t believe i am autistic, she said how my brain works reminds her of one of an autistic person but im not autistic? like?

i just want some answer in my life man, maybe opinions from people who really have autism so that i can have some kind of feedbacks.
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