Our partner

My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Autism message board, open discussion, and online support group.

My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Mon Jan 02, 2017 3:43 am

There is nothing wrong with Autism. (To an extent.) Autism has it's pros and cons as much with many things.
But I come off as "Autistic" because of my trauma and I don't react sometimes and I look people in the eyes but I used to not look people in the eyes and I used to be sensitive to loud noises it used to hurt my ears but not anymore but ever since I got post-trauma issues loud bangs and booms scare me but not like what it did before so that makes me believe it's a post-trauma noise sensitivity thing.
I have many issues that have the same symptoms it is crazy to me but I don't smile because I'm just numb all the time due to my bad past.
My old schools and doctors tried to test me for Autism/Asperger's/ASD but at the time it was a "borderline score."
Now I have taken multiple tests online and almost all of them say I'm not Autistic. (Which I believe is correct.)
I have many mental issues or whatever you wish to call them, but the ones that stick out are Schizotypal, my traumatic issues from being traumatized years ago, do not have an official diagnosis of a trauma disorder but my trauma has made me isolate for years with my parents, anxiety, etc.
The symptoms I developed later on resemble Autism.
I heard Autistic people are very logical but I am the opposite of that, I hate logic.
I hate anyone who is logical (especially over-logical) no matter what they look like, what their issues are, etc. etc.
Why?
I don't know, that's just how my brain works.
Maybe because I've been lied to with the school books!
Because I was bullied in school (Got bullied even more when my Schizotypal was starting to form in High School with the magical thoughts and beliefs I had) and don't trust the school and also don't trust them of suspecting me for having disorders I don't even probably have!
It's all just a conspiracy against me.
I know more than any doctor and teacher because they are basically the same people.
They say you can't "Grow out of Autism" but I think I did, or I never had it and it was something else.
Like I said, I'm Schizotypal, trauma issues, anxiety, etc so my new experiences can look like Autism but as far as my old past symptoms like noise sensitivity in the sense of actually hurting my ears compared to my new noise sensitivity of it just being loud bangs and booms but it doesn't hurt my ears it just makes me jump?
I don't even know anymore, someone told me you can't get your label removed for ASD Autism but I noticed it was written on a doctors PC and I want it removed because it doesn't describe me.
I understand people, I just don't care.
I became a loner later on in life.
If anything, I could be a Pessimistic Autistic person, instead of talking about things I like, I talk about things I hate, all the time, I don't shut my mouth, I'm aware people don't wanna listen but I'm defiant and just rant on to them, like an emo/goth who hates himself and the world.
How do you people feel about all of this?
(Not asking for anything official.)
Thanks, it's just I feel like the opposite of ASD, I'm too disorganized, I do somewhat have obsessions but not that "wowzed" by them or by anything anymore due to non-depressive anhedonia and things but I do have good and bad obsessions.
Bad obsessions of washing my hands and good obsessions of liking cartoons, cartoon characters, characters in TV shows, movies, video games, etc and music, I tend to like things that are not mainstream and somewhat unheard of or underground. (That goes for a lot of things, not just music.)
Again, please share your thoughts and sorry for getting off topic and rambling.
Thanks.
(Just like to add I lack emotional empathy once again later on in life due to bad people so because of people abusing me I developed a lack of empathy for the world, but I have great cognitive empathy, I can switch both types of empathy at will, I can choose to picture myself as the prey or predator and I can choose to either fake care about things or just straight up tell people I do not care and make myself look callous. I have a switch light trait of turning my empathy off.)
FreakOfTheDemonDoll
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:48 am
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (7)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby bly456d » Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:46 pm

Hi,

Autism manifests itself in many different ways, and I must say it sounds like to me that you're NOT autistic. I feel like people around you are picking up on very stereotypical Autism-traits like not looking people in the eyes, and this is obviously not right for you. It is important to remember not all autistic people have issues looking people in the eyes, I do it everyday (Im autistic) because Ive forced myself to learn it (and of course it still makes me horribly stressed out etc) but I manage to. This is very sad, because I shouldnt have to conform to the ableist society we live in, but sadly thats what it is like.I think if you were autistic, you'd place much more emphasis on order and rules and logic and coherency. Those things are very important to me, and yes, rules and logic are extremely important to me. And I think they are to many other autistic people too (maybe not everyone).

As for you, I think it's important to remember that symptoms of different things may overlap and look like something else. To me it sounds like you perhaps suffer from C-PTSD (complex- post traumatic stress disorder), and something else, like you say Schizotypal personality disorder, or perhaps borderline, or bipolar. Even ADHD may be involved? Mental illnesses often overlap and develop on top of each other especially if you've experienced trauma or abuse.

If people around you keep claiming you're autistic, but you clearly aren't, try to be firm with them and tell them "please do not place labels on me, it is very stressful for me to have to think about all of this. I'd prefer a medical professional to discuss my diagnoses with me ONLY".

Hope things work out for you :)
bly456d
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Jan 04, 2017 4:19 pm
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 3:24 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:04 am

bly456d wrote:Hi,

Autism manifests itself in many different ways, and I must say it sounds like to me that you're NOT autistic. I feel like people around you are picking up on very stereotypical Autism-traits like not looking people in the eyes, and this is obviously not right for you. It is important to remember not all autistic people have issues looking people in the eyes, I do it everyday (Im autistic) because Ive forced myself to learn it (and of course it still makes me horribly stressed out etc) but I manage to. This is very sad, because I shouldnt have to conform to the ableist society we live in, but sadly thats what it is like.I think if you were autistic, you'd place much more emphasis on order and rules and logic and coherency. Those things are very important to me, and yes, rules and logic are extremely important to me. And I think they are to many other autistic people too (maybe not everyone).

As for you, I think it's important to remember that symptoms of different things may overlap and look like something else. To me it sounds like you perhaps suffer from C-PTSD (complex- post traumatic stress disorder), and something else, like you say Schizotypal personality disorder, or perhaps borderline, or bipolar. Even ADHD may be involved? Mental illnesses often overlap and develop on top of each other especially if you've experienced trauma or abuse.

If people around you keep claiming you're autistic, but you clearly aren't, try to be firm with them and tell them "please do not place labels on me, it is very stressful for me to have to think about all of this. I'd prefer a medical professional to discuss my diagnoses with me ONLY".

Hope things work out for you :)

Thanks for the reply.
It's pretty obvious I'm neurotypical.
I hate logic and over-logic, it kills imagination, people use it against my beliefs of spirituality and non binary gender identities.
I just want rules and laws to like, not exist.
No logic and coherence and order.
Very little is important to me, only in rare moments will I be working on one thing.
Like just today I was working on this video for hours and it was one topic focused, that is rare for me, usually I would have 10 tabs open for 10 different things, because that's how I am.
Mental health has been nothing but a sham for me but that's just my opinion, not fact, if facts even exist.
I'm just in a spiritual and mental war is all even though I got out of it, like, the school lied to me.
The old mental health facility I used to go to had ASD on the computer, if I ever go back to another therapy place I better not see that on their computer.
Doesn't people with anxiety have eye contact issues?
Why is it always associated with Autism?
I understand Autism to an extent, but somethings I do not get, like hating change, that can be apart of other disorders as well and honestly, hating change doesn't even have to be connected to a disorder, I don't know.
The DSM in my opinion is a mess.
Last edited by FreakOfTheDemonDoll on Sat Jan 07, 2017 3:18 am, edited 1 time in total.
FreakOfTheDemonDoll
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:48 am
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby warabou » Thu Jan 26, 2017 1:18 am

Doesn't people with anxiety have eye contact issues?
Why is it always associated with Autism?


True, though it depends on the person and their type of anxiety. If someone has social anxiety, then they may be afraid of eye contact. Though one could very well be on the Autism spectrum and have social anxiety, and vice versa. It depends on a person's other symptoms and how they all line up.

Autistic people feel overwhelmed with eye contact, theoretically because there is so much information output and it's a lot to process, which makes it hard to process other things at the same time. Also, Autistic people can find movements "unnatural", as their logical thought processes such as "move this way" have a hard time being translated into the actual, fluid movement as idealized by the initial thought. So starting and stopping eye contact in a "natural" way can be difficult/near impossible. Like a confusing game that has no manual.

Another reason is that Autistic people can be exceedingly private, and sustained eye contact can leave one feeling vulnerable, like information is being pulled from them unwillingly. To me, it always feels like someone can read my thoughts, but I can't accurately read theirs. And I fear they can see my anxiety in my eyes.

I understand Autism to an extent, but somethings I do not get, like hating change, that can be apart of other disorders as well and honestly, hating change doesn't even have to be connected to a disorder, I don't know.


The theory behind the dislike of change in Autistic people is, to my knowledge, that routine and foreknowledge of what to expect, and therefore how to respond, helps Autistic people navigate a confusing, alien world, where the "normal" reaction to things can be a mystery. Sudden change can throw all expectations and "scripts" of how to react out the window, leaving a person left to piece everything together from scratch. This requires a lot of mental energy and can invite a lot of anxiety. People don't like feeling lost or confused, especially when dealing with it alone. It's scary--logically the preference would lean toward general sameness and understanding. This can be especially so for Autistic people, who often require more preparation before events in order to handle them as smoothly and calmly as possible, or else internal panic can occur.

Of course there are non-Autistic people who don't like change, and "change" can be applied to anything. So it depends on the nature of the change. It's just that, in general, Autistic people prefer the comfort in routine. Even what should be "basic" decision-making can be a challenge.

An analogy for all this might be when a person who has chronic depression tries to explain their state to someone without depression. That person might say "Oh, well everyone gets sad sometimes, just do something that makes you happy!" Well yes, sadness is a shared human experience, but someone who experience chronic depression is experiencing sadness of a different nature, and it can be frustrating trying to relate this experience. It's the degree and nature of the certain experience that defines how it's classified by the DSM. So while some people may have eye contact trouble or fear of change, it just depends on the person's context and content of their experience, and how all their symptoms line up.

In my opinion, Autism is one of the harder diagnoses to make because it overlaps with so many other disorders and doesn't have many obvious markers. You see Autistic people being misdiagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline pd, "just" social anxiety/depression, OCD, etc. And one can be on the Autism spectrum AS WELL as the bipolar spectrum, confusing things even more. And ADHD/OCD/anxiety/depression are very common comorbid conditions--so a professional may *correctly* identify a part of the problem, but then leave it at that and miss out on the big picture.

If the DSM is a mess it's mostly because mental health diagnosis in general is so messy and complex.
warabou
Consumer 4
Consumer 4
 
Posts: 85
Joined: Tue Aug 11, 2015 7:19 am
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 7:24 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Thu Jan 26, 2017 2:26 am

warabou wrote:
In my opinion, Autism is one of the harder diagnoses to make because it overlaps with so many other disorders and doesn't have many obvious markers. You see Autistic people being misdiagnosed with ADHD, bipolar disorder, borderline pd, "just" social anxiety/depression, OCD, etc. And one can be on the Autism spectrum AS WELL as the bipolar spectrum, confusing things even more. And ADHD/OCD/anxiety/depression are very common comorbid conditions--so a professional may *correctly* identify a part of the problem, but then leave it at that and miss out on the big picture.

If the DSM is a mess it's mostly because mental health diagnosis in general is so messy and complex.

It's gotten to the point where I don't even want to recognize Psychology or Psychiatry as a field of "Science."
Now does that mean mental problems are fake? Of course not.
It's real but I feel like because there are no blood tests and they just go over a checklist and not only that, but some disorders are not well researched like certain personality disorders or Schizoaffective disorder, and any of the unspecified disorders like "Psychosis NOS" and "Mood Disorder NOS."
I just believe mental issues exist possibly because of some non-scientific force or forces, or either that or us evolving is also making our systems weak or that there is some pollution in the air.
I don't think "logically" or well, not normal people "logic."
I have my own "logic."
And it makes sense to me.
I'm still trying to figure out the world, my own way.
FreakOfTheDemonDoll
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:48 am
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (7)

Re: My life with being suspected of having Autism. (ASD)

Postby FreakOfTheDemonDoll » Thu Jan 26, 2017 4:35 am

I always hear about Autistic people getting misdiagnosed with something else, but I never hear my situation of being (mis)diagnosed or "suspected" of having a form of Autism when in reality I don't.
FreakOfTheDemonDoll
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 155
Joined: Mon Jul 13, 2015 4:48 am
Local time: Sun Mar 24, 2019 10:24 am
Blog: View Blog (7)


Return to Autism Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 2 guests