by MagnusCorey » Sun Jul 31, 2022 1:49 am
I’ve got a list of diagnosis given me by dr.s over the years, but I never believed I could be ADHD, simply because I’ve never been hyperactive. Just found out that’s not necessary, because I fit with everything else, so far. But how am I supposed to know what being “in recovery” looks like or feels like, as well as being in crisis? I don’t want to end up in the hospital again, because it feels like that would be what pushes me over the edge. But thats what my head tells me, so what the hell? Not matter what it’s been called over the years(attention seeking child, adolescent rebellion, addiction, OCD, Depression, major depression, med resistant, anxiety disorder,bipolar, disabled, etc etc etc) what it boils down to the Dr.s rely on my words and actions, and it all just means I’m nuts, (no offense, I am referring to my self image here). I’ve been way over medicated, put on the wrong stuff, over 350 Ect.s ((saved my life)), abused by therapists, blamed for my conditions, etc..I love being asked “why are you on …,? Uhm, it was supposed to fix me)wrongly diagnosed, accused of seeking attention(nope, I’m trying to fade away), seeking meds(I know I’m an addict, how do I trust myself? I’ve almost ended myself over being told I was looking for an easy way, not willing to do the work, etc..this is easy? I have a dog who thinks of me as the best dad ever, so I won’t go anywhere on purpose, but I’m tired of this, tired of living in a world that I let blame me for diseases that I can’t define..