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Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

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Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby 373 » Mon Feb 13, 2012 2:50 am

On Thursday I went to the Job Centre (out of work at the moment, in the UK you go to the job centre if you claim a benefit and have to do a job search which they verify) after not getting any sleep the night before, and, well I ended up crying.

I really hate the Job Centre as it is, because I hadn't slept and the bright lights I was feeling pretty drowsy and had a headache too, and was getting a bit frustrated that I had to be there.

I don't know if it was just because I was over tired that I cried, but I got referred to a supervisor because my job search wasn't "efficient", so my benefits are suspended, and he just kept saying it wasn't efficient and I wasn't doing enough and that "doing the same thing over and over isn't a good job search" (in my booklet I have written what search I did, "no suitable vacancies" and the date, about 30 times, because it says to write down what you did and what was the result), I think the fact he kept saying that quote got to me a bit to be honest, going through the whole Do I have AS? thing.

Anyway we had a row because I kept picking out things he was saying as not being true, such as journey times on the bus to various jobs I should have applied for, and the fact he said there were 40 jobs I should have applied for, but wouldn't tell me what they were, and that they essentially only counted 6/7 days of the week for your job search, too much rubbish to explain that bit.

He said "we just keep going round in circles" and that I need to do an efficient job search and I felt like I was about to cry and stormed outside (When I stormed out I heard the supervisor ask someone who I'd been with and I think she ran off to see him, so I must have looked upset I suppose?) into the car park and rang my Mum and then I cried, but the whole reason for this thread (sorry) is that it wasn't the event that was the most upsetting part it was the fact I was crying, so that was making me cry more, and well it was horrible. If I cry (which is a very rare thing) I get quite hysterical/scared of it.

Is that normal, AS, something else, or what? I just don't want to bring it up with the talk-person and it just be usual and everyone has that, etc. I don't really want to ask anyone else that I know if they are like that first so thought I'd ask here.

Sorry about the long post.
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby Camelidae » Mon Feb 13, 2012 3:34 pm

No problem about the length of your post.

373 wrote:Is that normal, AS, something else, or what? I just don't want to bring it up with the talk-person and it just be usual and everyone has that, etc. I don't really want to ask anyone else that I know if they are like that first so thought I'd ask here.


Since I am not entirely sure I have AS, I cannot really tell if it is typical AS or NT, but i know that when I get emotional, I tend to get confused and anxious.

I have trouble identifying what it is I am feeling. Unless I feel something intensly and exclusively (say intense sadness without anything else thrown into the mix), I will not be able to tell you how I´m feeling. The nuances and overlappings confuse me. I don´t like not knowing something, I don´t like not being in control (especially of my own thoughts, feelings or behaviour).

Also, all of them make me feel vulnerable. I do not like openly showing myself as vulnerable (for example by crying) because obviously it makes it more likely to get hurt (more so than just being vulnerable by itself which is already something I have difficulty admitting to to begin with).

Feeling vulnerable makes me feel helpless. Feeling helpless makes me feel anxious. Feeling anxious makes me feel out of control. Anxiety spirals.
"If you're using half your concentration to look normal, then you're only half paying attention to whatever else you do. Just pointing out something that could save your life. You want society to accept you, but you can't even accept yourself.", from X-Men: First Class
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby sabrdawg » Mon Feb 13, 2012 4:03 pm

I can totally understand your reaction to the situation. I, too would have been very anxious and frustrated. As far as the crying goes, this situation is definitely tear-worthy for lack of a better term. Honestly, I can say that I've cried at least once every school year, as well as every job I've been at. I crumble under stress. It usually centers around the feeling I've done something wrong. It's hard for me to handle that. The thought that I've done something to offend someone, bother them, step on their toes, etc.....is something I need to sort out and seek reassurance about before I can let it go. It also sends my OCD through the roof! As far as your situation is concerned however, this is a scenario where the other person is the one who is doing something wrong! You're just going there, doing what is asked of you, and getting a lousy search result. I hate that feeling of being stuck! If you're doing everything in your power to do what is asked of you, and then this big wall is placed in front of you, what do they expect you to do??? Instead of being helpful, the worker is pinning it on you, making you feel like your efforts are insufficient, which they obviously are not. Is there someone you can go to to report this worker? It reminds me a lot of the Department of Social Services here in Buffalo.....I always joke that their motto is "sending people in circles for over 50 years." Lol XD
Normal is overrated :D
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby FredOak3 » Mon Feb 13, 2012 7:15 pm

I can relate too. My response when I'm in a no win, frustrating situation like that is I tend to lash out.
Basically an emotional outburst, of which crying would be a similar reaction.

I think it stems from the fact that we know perfectly in our heads what the situation is but the usually NT person we are trying to communicate with just isn't getting it.

They are always looking at the big picture ("there were 40 jobs I should have applied for") but we look at the detail (" but wouldn't tell me what they were") and that can be overwhelming frustrating
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby 373 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:18 am

Thanks Camelidae. (I think I got your username wrong in another thread, perhaps, maybe!)

Camelidae wrote:I have trouble identifying what it is I am feeling. Unless I feel something intensly and exclusively (say intense sadness without anything else thrown into the mix), I will not be able to tell you how I´m feeling. The nuances and overlappings confuse me. I don´t like not knowing something, I don´t like not being in control (especially of my own thoughts, feelings or behaviour).

Also, all of them make me feel vulnerable. I do not like openly showing myself as vulnerable (for example by crying) because obviously it makes it more likely to get hurt (more so than just being vulnerable by itself which is already something I have difficulty admitting to to begin with).

Feeling vulnerable makes me feel helpless. Feeling helpless makes me feel anxious. Feeling anxious makes me feel out of control. Anxiety spirals.


Yeah, it did make me feel anxious, straight from the first part of the situation infact.

Trouble identifying the feeling I think I can relate to, on the phone to my Mum for example I just explained the facts of what happened to her and then she calmed me down, rather than explaining "how I felt" to her, I think that's similar. Obviously I was crying so she knew I was upset/distressed or whatever anyway. She's going to help me with it next week and just apply for all of the ones that come up even if I can't get to them and stuff, which is what I was trying to explain to the "advisor", and why I put "no suitable vacancies". She says do that and then they don't have anything to pull you up on. In my opinion it's stupid doing it that way, what's the point if I can't even take the job? It's wasting my time and the employers, but obviously the Government disagree! Very frustrating when it's so illogical.

-- Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:27 am --

sabrdawg wrote:I can totally understand your reaction to the situation. I, too would have been very anxious and frustrated. As far as the crying goes, this situation is definitely tear-worthy for lack of a better term. Honestly, I can say that I've cried at least once every school year, as well as every job I've been at. I crumble under stress. It usually centers around the feeling I've done something wrong. It's hard for me to handle that. The thought that I've done something to offend someone, bother them, step on their toes, etc.....is something I need to sort out and seek reassurance about before I can let it go. It also sends my OCD through the roof! As far as your situation is concerned however, this is a scenario where the other person is the one who is doing something wrong! You're just going there, doing what is asked of you, and getting a lousy search result. I hate that feeling of being stuck! If you're doing everything in your power to do what is asked of you, and then this big wall is placed in front of you, what do they expect you to do??? Instead of being helpful, the worker is pinning it on you, making you feel like your efforts are insufficient, which they obviously are not. Is there someone you can go to to report this worker? It reminds me a lot of the Department of Social Services here in Buffalo.....I always joke that their motto is "sending people in circles for over 50 years." Lol XD


Thanks sabrdawg, I don't really usually cry because of work but it does make my 'emotions' shut down for similar reasons as you list, end up just feeling/acting very cold because of it yes.

I was thinking of going to speak to someone about it, even if it's just to see if I can get some help with the job search to their standards, like I say in the reply above to Cam. that I'm just going to apply for every job (e.g. those "40") even if I can't take them if I got offered, seems a complete waste of time but that's what the Government want it seems. I'm trying to set up a small business too whilst job searching, be good if there was more support for that as opposed to wasting time applying for jobs I can't even get to.

I live in a village with quite poor public transport, and if it's over an hour travel to the jobs you don't have to apply for them, but he had some fancy gadget, which he used at 4pm, for telling me the time it'd take to get to the job that starts at 9am, when the bus times are completely different, and when I pointed this out to him he said the people looking at the case at HQ wouldn't take that into consideration...
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby 373 » Tue Feb 14, 2012 4:32 am

FredOak3 wrote:I can relate too. My response when I'm in a no win, frustrating situation like that is I tend to lash out.
Basically an emotional outburst, of which crying would be a similar reaction.

I think it stems from the fact that we know perfectly in our heads what the situation is but the usually NT person we are trying to communicate with just isn't getting it.

They are always looking at the big picture ("there were 40 jobs I should have applied for") but we look at the detail (" but wouldn't tell me what they were") and that can be overwhelming frustrating


Thanks FredOak3.

That's interesting you say about the big picture and detail because that does cover a lot of the conversation/row and why (as he pointed out) we were "going in circles", and yes he definitely wasn't getting what I was trying to say.
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Re: Crying (thread, again) and Job Centre - Thought

Postby Camelidae » Tue Feb 14, 2012 5:55 pm

373 wrote:Thanks Camelidae. (I think I got your username wrong in another thread, perhaps, maybe!)


Yeah, you did, in the official off-topic thread. I could not be bothered to correct you, seeing as you had written it correctly before. :D

She says do that and then they don't have anything to pull you up on. In my opinion it's stupid doing it that way, what's the point if I can't even take the job? It's wasting my time and the employers, but obviously the Government disagree! Very frustrating when it's so illogical.


I understand you all too well on that one. I cannot stand rules that don´t seem to make sense or not getting an answer that also covers the Why behind things. I don´t get angry easily at all (like, basically never), but this kind of thing can really infuriate me to the point I feel like throwing things at people. I guess you will have to just try and deal with it, I´m afraid. :?
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