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On the brink of divorce

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On the brink of divorce

Postby asp3rg3r » Fri Sep 06, 2019 5:07 pm

Let me introduce myself.

I am a 33 yo father of twins diagnosed with higher functioning autism. I went to a therapist to check if I had autism myself when my 4yo boy was diagnosed with autism and (suspecting) ADHD. My wife and I are together for 14 years and have been married for 4 years.

The last couple of years are rough since we have our twins. Especially with the special needs of our son and his hyperactivity. Sometimes it is very difficult for me to deal with this especially with his hyperactivity and what it means to be a dad for two kids at once.

In the same time I finished my study (software engineering) and went to work for 40 hours a week. This I have been doing for almost 3 years now.

Now back to our relationship.. In these 14 years we had our fair share of ups and downs. Survived two affaires she had and of course my own 'traits' that don't make a relationship easy.

The reason for her affaires were the fact that she feels that I don't evenly return the love she puts in our relationship and that I don't 'speak' her love language. Furthermore I have computer related stuff / gaming as a hobby (since I was little). Gaming is a way of coping from the day to day struggles and sometimes I really need to sink for 2/3 hours into gaming to recharge my battery.

On the other hand she wants that I spend most of my free time with her (logically). We do spend time together (have a movie night here and there and watch some series together before we sleep) or go out with the kids in the weekends. But this is not enough for her while on the other end I really need my coping sometimes.

About the love language. Thus far I have learned to tell her that I love her many times a day coupled with a hug and a kiss but she has the feeling that it is not sincere will I do really love her.

At the moment she again has the moment that she can't continue on with his relationship because she feels lonely while on the other hand I'm trying (even more than I can take) to be there for her and letting he know and feel that I love her. I can understand that it may not be enough for her but on the other side it's draining me more than I like (work, kids, relationship).

I don't know what more can I do? We knows that she can't change me and that makes her even more depressed. In my mind I'm embracing myself for a divorce..
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Re: On the brink of divorce

Postby asp3rg3r » Wed Oct 16, 2019 1:17 pm

Really no one has any advice? :(
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Re: On the brink of divorce

Postby shock_the_monkey » Fri Jan 17, 2020 7:29 pm

i think you have to be realistic and accept that there's only so much you can do to save your marriage. if you're already doing that and it's not enough then perhaps divorce isn't such a bad option. i feel that your wife has her own issues that she's transferring onto you. she needs to face up to the fact that she is responsible for her own self-esteem and not put that on you all the time. only then will she be able to be more accepting of you. as it is she seems to be saying she wants you to be closer whilst pushing you away. that, i think, says a lot of her state of mind. she doesn't know what she really wants.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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