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Group conversations

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Group conversations

Postby InvisibleOne » Thu Jan 31, 2019 5:34 pm

I was diagnosed with Aspergers when I was almost 16, which is kinda late I guess, and it wasn't really that much of a surprise except in the beginning because I had always felt different in some way but could never really figure out why. For years I noticed that my friends and classmates could easily talk to each other, talk to strangers, ask for help and talk in front of the class, while I found this very difficult and would get anxiety whenever I had to do any of these things. But if it was someone I was comfortable with, I could easily talk to them, especially if it was just the two of us. But whenever there was a group conversation, I would get lost in confusion because I almost never knew what to say or when and how I could get myself into the conversation, and often when I tried I would get interrupted or talked over, or they wouldn't hear me. Years later, this still happens a lot, sometimes every day, where the people around me at school talk to each other and I really want to join in but don't know what is a fitting reply to what they're saying, or when I could speak without getting interrupted or interrupting someone else. And since they don't say anything to me unless I say something, I often end up staying silent, and sometimes they have really long conversations where I don't say a single word. I have talked to one of my teachers about this, and she told me to try and say hi to people whenever I meet them but I don't know if that will actually help. And one of my friends told me that I can ask questions if I don't know what they're talking about or don't understand, or I can ask them to include me in the conversation but so far I haven't had the courage to do any of those things. I don't know if any of this advice will work or if it's something I should try because I have no idea really how to be more comfortable in group conversations, otherwise it wouldn't be an issue for so long. I sometimes feel so stupid because I don't know how to talk to people and everyone else does. I just wish I was normal. And I'm also really tired of these same issues getting in the way, and it doesn't really seem like it's gotten much better over the years.
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Re: Group conversations

Postby shock_the_monkey » Fri Feb 08, 2019 1:05 am

because of your AS you're never going to be good at certain things. this is one of them. beating yourself up over it is just adding to your misery. recognise this truth. concentrate on those things which you are good at.

i was 46 when i found out i have AS. and i got sacked from my job over it. you've got 30 years over me. use them.

i will add here something that someone once told me: "you're a good listener, you ask concerned questions". and i think that's true, because i listen deeply to what people say and try to understand their lives. it's not a quality one might associate with AS, however, most NTs are very superficial in their conversations and very self-centred too. so, whilst you might think they do these things well, perhaps that's just an impression. perhaps they're not actually saying much at all.
something knocked me out' the trees
now i'm on my knees
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

there is one thing you must be sure of
i can't take any more
... don't you know you're gonna shock the monkey

don't like it but i guess i'm learning

... shock the monkey to life
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