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Maintaining Employment

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Maintaining Employment

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:35 pm

What are some of your reasons for losing and/or quitting jobs? Personal experiences? As you know, I struggle to decipher my internal landscape but some of you may have experiences I relate to.

My father has always had issues maintaining employment and when I asked him, he said he struggled to deal with companies that treated people like $#%^. Sort of a moral dilemma sort of thing. Considering he has spent most of his life working in machine shops, he may have experienced this time and time again. After thinking about it, that was an issue I had with my last job. Is that enough to warrant frustration and breaking down? I feel like there should be more to it.
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby pamelaperejil » Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:37 pm

Give me a sec on that one. (I'll start with my dad. It's easier.)

My dad , who I suspect has Asperger's, was a lawyer with completely #######5 interpersonal skills who got insidiously bullied at a number of jobs for being "different". They were like sharks who smelled blood in the water, I guess. Any kind of weakness in that competitive, conformist environment does you in, I guess. Especially when you're not a social networker.

My dad went from job to job to job during my youth. He was often unable to provide for the family. How much of his failures were his own fault is still hard to determine. He, like me, was kind of a basketcase dreamer. He used to tell me how frustrated he was with the trade: how he had entered the profession thinking that it was going to be about law, justice, and helping people and then found, to his dismay, that it was nothing more than a no-holds-barred political game that he was ill-equipt and ill-inclined to play. His experiences mirror mine in the restaurant industry. I'll go into more detail later.
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby AprilR » Thu Jul 26, 2018 2:19 pm

^ This story is so sadly familiar. I also studied law because i was an idealist who believed in helping people and such. I quit my jobs because i simply wasn't qualifies to do the job.I couldn't write 10 page letters and couldn't even answer clients questions. Thank God i was not bullied and people were actually nice(to my face at least) i don't know what i would do if they weren't. But i was still stressed a lot and was a burden to the people around me.
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Thu Jul 26, 2018 2:37 pm

Would some of you say you are a sort of idealist then? When circumstances show otherwise, it's disheartening? Wondering if this fits into the childlike/naive narrative.
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby pamelaperejil » Thu Jul 26, 2018 4:47 pm

iabsurdlyexist wrote:Would some of you say you are a sort of idealist then? When circumstances show otherwise, it's disheartening?


Yes, that's a component. But it's also about singing out of tone with the rest. Being demonstrably different or odd, often without being aware or just not caring about it. Believing that you will be accepted anyway, and being stunned when you're not. Because that's what they always say, right? They say just be yourself.

Edward Scissorhands, Pinnochio, Data the humanoid. That kid from AI. All examples. Really, really odd. But naive. Being someone who's seen as not playing the political game, not even understanding the political game, and therefore ripe for exploitation.

https://video.search.yahoo.com/search/v ... tion=click
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby AprilR » Thu Jul 26, 2018 6:03 pm

I had an idealistic period yes, but i was also ignorant about what the job entailed. I was so focused on passing the university exam i didn't think it through. The thought of a job always scared me because the things you have to do at a job aren't taught in schools. I guess being that specific can be an autistic trait too?
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby pamelaperejil » Thu Jul 26, 2018 11:19 pm

JUST A REMINDER ABOUT THE POWER OF TAKING A STAND: (No idea if this guy had Asperger's. I don't imagine he did.) This guy was fired and toiled the rest of his life in obscurity for saving Jews during WWII.

https://search.yahoo.com/search?p=that+ ... 034,0,31,0

Most Americans know of Oskar Schindler, the German businessman who saved more than 1,200 lives during the Holocaust by hiring Jews to work in his factories and fought Nazi efforts to remove them.

But fewer know about Chiune Sugihara, the Japanese diplomat who disobeyed his government’s orders and issued visas that allowed 6,000 Jews to escape from Nazi-occupied territories via Japan.

On Sunday, as Holocaust survivors and descendants of survivors observe International Holocaust Remembrance Day, a growing and widespread community of Jews — linked by their gratitude toward Sugihara for saving them or family members — remembers a man once forgotten.

“Without him, many of the most accomplished minds of our world would not exist today. His legacy produced doctors, bankers, lawyers, authors, politicians, even the first Orthodox Jewish Rhodes Scholar,” said Richard Salomon, a board member of the Illinois Holocaust Museum and Education Center. The museum holds artifacts from Sugihara as part of its permanent collection, and will honor him on Sunday along with others who saved Jews during the Holocaust.

Salomon’s father, Bernard, received the 299th visa issued by Sugihara, who in 1940 became the Japanese consul general to Lithuania, an area where Polish Jewish refugees had relocated during World War II. As Nazis threatened to invade Lithuania, thousands of Jews surrounded the Japanese consulate and asked for visas to escape. Disobeying his bosses in Japan, Sugihara issued thousands. From July 31 to Aug. 28, 1940, Sugihara and his wife stayed up all night, writing visas.

The Japanese government closed the consulate, located in Kovno. But even as Sugihara’s train was about to leave the city, he kept writing visas from his open window. When the train began moving, he gave the visa stamp to a refugee to continue the job.

The refugees typically followed a route that took them via train to Moscow, then via the trans-Siberian railroad to Vladivostok and on to Kobe, Japan. Most stayed in Kobe for a few months, then went to Shanghai, China, and elsewhere. Salomon’s father went from Shanghai to India and eventually settled in the U.S, where he met his wife Marian in Chicago.

Meanwhile, Sugihara was transferred to Prague, where he worked in 1941 and 1942, and then to Bucharest, where he worked from 1942 to 1944. When the Soviets invaded Romania, he and his family were taken to a prison camp for 18 months. They returned to Japan in 1946, and a year later, the foreign office told him to resign. Years later, his wife, Yukiko Sugihara, who died in 2008, speculated the forced resignation was because of the unauthorized visas.

Chiune Sugihara, who worked odd jobs after returning to Japan and later was employed by a trading company in Russia, worked in obscurity and never spoke of the visas. He never knew if anything came of them and survivors had no luck finding him. But in 1968, a survivor who had become an Israeli diplomat, Joshua Nishri, finally made contact. In 1985, a year before his death in Tokyo, Israel named Sugihara “Righteous Among the Nations,” a title given to non-Jews who risked their lives to save Jews during the Holocaust.

“There are so many people living today because he took the time and made the effort. It was not easy and it was not a matter of sitting down and saying, ‘Here, I’ll write you this,’” said Anne Akabori, an author who translated “Visas for Life,” Yukiko Sugihara’s memoir, and wrote “The Gift of Life,” an account of Chiune Sugihara’s life.

“And it’s been so important for the Japanese people to know there was a person who did whatever he could to lessen the Japanese involvement in the war. He was always for peace,” said Akabori, who was friends with the Sugiharas’ son, Hiroki Sugihara, who died in 2001, and chairs the Visas for Life Foundation. The organization’s mission is to “perpetuate the legacy” of Chiune Sugihara and connect “Sugihara survivors” and their descendents.

The group has documented 2,139 Sugihara visas (many were for entire families). It’s unknown exactly how many people can trace their ancestry to a Sugihara survivor, though Akabori’s organization estimated it to be more than 100,000. More conservatively, the Simon Wiesenthal Center has estimated that 40,000 people are alive today because of the Sugiharas.

Salomon’s son, Mark Salomon, a 23-year-old law student at New York University, said knowing that his family would not have existed without Sugihara has ingrained a lifelong lesson in him about the “power of an individual.”

“Most people have this idea that you can’t really help the whole world, so what’s the point?” said Mark Salomon. But Sugihara showed that “whatever you are doing with yourself, you are having a much broader impact. Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest through the trees, but it’s important in every aspect of your life to remember you are having an effect and to make it a positive effect.”
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby Cassandre » Mon Jul 30, 2018 5:41 pm

iabsurdlyexist wrote:Would some of you say you are a sort of idealist then? When circumstances show otherwise, it's disheartening? Wondering if this fits into the childlike/naive narrative.


I think it's related.

Idealism is fine as long as it is balanced with some strategic thinking. In reverse, I noted that purely opportunistic people are also ridden with depression. Strategic thinking devoid of idealism is mechanistic and soon you face a wall of meaninglessness. But idealism devoid of strategic implementation manufactures little more than sand castles.

In the same pursuit, nothing wrong with being childlike as long as it is balanced with some sense of responsibility. It's a trait strongly correlated with creativity. But naiveté is ALWAYS bad.

In my late teens/early twenties, I was irresponsible so I got into trouble many times for running late or sometimes not even showing to work. Something I tried to fix.

Next I became aware that I was being taken advantage of after a series of incident at work. I could only acknowledge that one common denominator in those incidents was my naiveté. There is no limit to what some people can do to protect their false self, not coming to terms with that fact is plain unrealistic.

While my naiveté was a common denominator, I set out to be more discerning about the people I chose to work with. It's been better ever since. Occasionally, I even had the opportunity to work under people that I respected and could learn from.

Lately, I have come to realize that I can become overly responsible in work environments that are ill-managed. So I again set out to both be more discerning of the environments I gravitate towards (I prefer high standards) at the same time as letting go of expectations when management is not super competent.

A few times I found myself unable to work, either because I could not find a job or because I was unable to work for visa related issues. While I did not enjoy the state of being jobless, I benefited a great deal from those forced periods of introspection.
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby pamelaperejil » Tue Jul 31, 2018 9:38 pm

iabsurdlyexist wrote:What are some of your reasons for losing and/or quitting jobs? Personal experiences? As you know, I struggle to decipher my internal landscape but some of you may have experiences I relate to.


These are some of my work experiences. (The original post was made in BPD about a year ago.) I know bullying happens all the time to aspies in the workplace. I don't want to suggest otherwise or to imply anyone needs to justify their lived experiences to me. I'm sorry if I gave that impression.

The following is a half joking, half serious post (I feel compelled to spell that out for those of you who, like me, may be deficient in empathy).

I have a horribly unstable job history. I've walked out of my current job several times and they've always taken me back right away. (Because I'm ######6 good at what I do.)

Job after job I keep thinking, "what's wrong with these people?" I feel oppressed at virtually every job.

But I AM oppressed! I swear it!

My current job I work 12-13 hour days (6 days a week...used to be 7) with no break and one person constantly yelling and criticizing me while another openly sabotages me (while watching t.v.)... and everyone just shrugs and says "deal with it". Everyone else gets a break. (Okay, not an actual break but at least a meal time sit down and chat with friends a few minutes.) I'm not allowed to eat with them. I've been told the way I eat offends them and the staff food is only for Chinese people. I don't get a (pseudo) break because I'm too busy doing a job that used to take two people before I was hired. I make considerably less than minimum wage.

I know I'm not crazy. I'm not imagining these things. What's wrong with people? Like, literally, everyone.

The job before that I was virtually running the kitchen by myself while the other employees stood around talking. Or sat outside smoking. And criticizing me. While I worked through my lunch break to make up for the stuff they weren't doing. One employee followed me around arguing and cussing me out the whole time while I did his job for him. I asked him to stop cussing me out so he started doing it in Mongolian. No one said a word.

The job before that I worked like a hundred hours off the clock and spent several hundred dollars buying supplies (in a matter of months) to bail my boss out of a completely unrealistic business plan while the managers all turned a blind eye and pretended it wasn't happening. Accused me of making it up when I finally got fed up and protested. And then threatened to find a reason to fire me if I didn't quit.

I'm not crazy. These things happen. The same chef who denied there was any problem himself got drunk, totaled his car (with his minor son in it), and got arrested for a DUI soon after I quit... when he finally figured out that he had promised more than he (or his cooks, rather) could possibly deliver. At that point he had already wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars of the new owners' money remodeling the place for this fabulous sensation he was supposed to create. He was fired after the DUI, though he tried to lie and cover it up. The new owners bailed the same year. Why doesn't anyone ever listen to me?

I'm not crazy. These things happen. Why does no one else think they're a big deal? What's wrong with people?

My current boss says she knows the guys are jerks to me in the kitchen but that I should just be strong and find a way to ignore it because "No choice. Job is job." She says no one is being "mean to me", I just don't like the way the kitchen is being run and I should either deal with it or find another job. But I've got a guy calling me names and hissing at me every time I come near him, which I'm obliged to do since it's a small kitchen. Other than that he refuses to speak to me or look at me, unless he's ordering me around or insulting me. He's supposed to be calling tickets but he refused to call any from my station so I don't know what food I'm supposed to be firing. The boss has caught him doing this but won't reprimand him. Recently he's taken to blocking my way when I try to walk somewhere or hiding equipment that I need. Or throwing dishes into the sink right by where I'm standing, or slamming things down half an inch away from my hand. One of these days he's doing to actually hit me with something. No one says $#%^ to him, and I just need to be strong and stop fussing over silly things.

I'm not crazy. These things happen.

So tell me, how does one cope?

How does Alice survive Wonderland?

What the hell is wrong with people?

I don't have a victim mentality. At least not much of one. Anymore. I've tried over the last few years to be assertive and stand up for myself and not take $#%^ while remaining polite. But as hard and as persistently as I've tried (and I've tried just as had to keep a positive attitude)... it just hasn't done any good.

So why doesn't anyone believe that I'm oppressed?

I'm oppressed, Goddamn it!
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Re: Maintaining Employment

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Wed Aug 01, 2018 2:37 am

I can't say I work hard, I just work smart I think. I used to work 40 hour work weeks, skip meetings and only talk to those I was directly working with. I didn't network, kiss ass or pretend I was more deserving than anyone. I just did my job as I was supposed to and most people didn't seem to mind.

I'm not sure why nor do I understand why I would do all these other things. For show? I have never done well at pretending or wasting time. I'd be burnt out if I tried to deal with all the other things people think they are supposed to be doing to impress. It's all very confusing to me. I am there to do a job and if everyone focused on the job they are supposed to do, the engine would run smoothly.
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