Our partner

Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Asperger's Syndrome message board, open discussion, and online support group.

Moderator: seabreezeblue

Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Jul 25, 2018 5:26 am

...specifically the tension and uncertainty of not knowing what others are thinking.

(This is an adaptation of a thread I wrote for BPD. Is it clear what I mean by "bratting out"? To intentionally test or provoke people into reacting to the brat's behavior?)

possible reasons:

to force someone to reveal their hand
to gain (or keep) attention
to validate self loathing/inspire anger and retaliation from others
as a distraction from boredom
to establish a sense of self/ "express oneself": perhaps as a reaction to feeling inhibited or repressed?
to (badly) practice assertiveness
to stir the pot/create drama/for thrills
because negative feedback feels natural and positive feedback feels unnatural
as a cry for help
copying/mimicking an influential person
obsessive/compulsive tendencies (i.e. the tendency to overkill without meaning to)
lack of social awareness/being out of sync with others/not understanding what is called for by the situation

Can anyone relate to any of this?
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Jul 25, 2018 5:42 am

pamelaperejil wrote:to force someone to reveal their hand (impaired theory of mind/intolerance for ambiguity)
to establish a sense of self/ "express oneself": perhaps as a reaction to feeling inhibited or repressed?
as a cry for help
to validate self loathing/provoke anger and retaliation from others, ask for punishment
copying/mimicking an influential person
obsessive/compulsive tendencies (i.e. the tendency to overkill without meaning to)
lack of social awareness/being out of sync with others/not understanding what is called for by the situation (to establish the boundaries of a relationship)


I think these are most often the reason why I brat out, especially the first. (This is also the reason I'm often so blunt. I'm trying to spell things out, almost as a courtesy to the listener). I'm often not completely aware that I'm doing it at the time, though I could probably be more aware if I tried.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Jul 25, 2018 6:02 am

I will try not to do these things anymore. I suppose that goes hand in hand with being myself but leaving room for other people.

The question becomes, how do I regulate emotion instead?

Frankly, I don't have many other resources, but I can share my response from the DBT thread.

( http://www.millercounselingserv.com/upl ... rkbook.pdf )

-- Tue Jul 24, 2018 10:10 pm --

DISTRACTION PLAN

1. internet
2. go for a walk
3. call friends
4. eat
5. window shop
6. watch movies
7. plan Christmas
8. volunteer
9. copy my favorite quotes
10. strength scrapbook
11. clean house/car
12. wash car
13. wash dishes
14. take a bath
15. pay bills
16. meditate

RELAXATION PLAN
1. wear perfume that makes you feel happy
2. dress up/put on makeup
3. tweet artwork
4. listen to music
5. listen to everyday sounds
6. listen to water
7. eat/drink
8. take a hot bath
9. stroke your own skin
10. play with your pet
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Jul 25, 2018 6:30 am

Other than therapy, how do you catch and correct your mistakes?

Listen to other people.
Listen to my Spidey-sense.

Having caught them, how do you make sure you don't fall back into the same old patterns of behavior?

Just do it. Resolve to do it and stick to that.

How do you practice self love while admitting the need to change?

RADICAL ACCEPTANCE:

Check the coping skills you would be willing to use:

This is the way it has to be.

All the events have led up to now.


How do you become a better person without pretending or being insincere?

rainboe_sprinkles wrote: ...why does it need to be pretending? I often consciously make behavioural choices based on the version of myself I'd most like to be even - especially - when it rails against my more instinctual, knee-jerk reactions. if you do it consistently enough, then over time, you actually become that healthier version of yourself. it's a way of re-wiring your brain.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Wed Jul 25, 2018 11:18 am

To be clear, I know I'm pretty darn attention seeking, I just don't think that's the cause of any perceived brattiness. In other words, I may provoke and I may need attention, but I don't think I provoke in order to meet my need for attention. If I provoke, it's for other reasons.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Thu Jul 26, 2018 1:07 am

HIGHER POWER

What are some of your beliefs about a higher power or a big picture that give you strength and comfort?
I believe in working hard, being sincere, and a strong and good person. That this shows respect to oneself and others.

Why are these beliefs important to you?
Without integrity and purpose, our lives are meaningless.

How do these beliefs make you feel?
Proud, honorable or, alternately, like I don't measure up.

How do these beliefs make you feel about others?
I feel fellowship with them, wanting to help them or, alternately, I think I'm better than them.

How do these beliefs make you feel about life in general?
Like life has a purpose or, alternately, like I'm a screw up and a pretender.

How do you acknowledge these beliefs throughout your daily life?
I don't.

Do you talk about your beliefs?
I talk about my beliefs but I fail to act in accordance with what I believe.

Do you read books about your beliefs?
Yes, but not often.

Do you help other people?
Sometimes I try. Sometimes for them, sometimes for me.

What else would you be willing to do to strengthen your beliefs?
Go to meditation class. Find a mentor. Find a role model(s). Go to church?

What can you do to remind yourself of your beliefs on a regular basis?
Meditation, mindfulness, fold a role model(s)

What can you do or say to remind yourself of your beliefs the next time you're feeling distressed?
What would awareness do?

Activities: strength scrapbook

-- Wed Jul 25, 2018 5:08 pm --

VALUED LIVING

A component of my life that I value is family.
My intention for this component is to be more open and close with my family.
The committed actions that I'm willing to take:
1. spend time with my family
2. talk with them about my true self and my plans
3. be patient with my family

A component of my life that I value is friends.
My intention for this component is to be more open and close with my friends.
The committed actions I'm willing to take:
1. spend time with my friends
2. Talk with them about my true self and my plans.
3. be patient with my friends

A component of my life that I value is knowledge. My intention for this component is to learn about psychology, BPD, other personality disorders, politics, feminism, antifeminism, and cooking.
The committed action I'm willing to take:
1. check out and read books from the library
2. complete online DBT course
3. read and write in forums/twitter

I component of my life that I value is spirituality.
My intention for this component is to increase integrity, strength, and femininity.
The committed actions I'm willing to take:
1. to practice my integrity (honesty, doing the right thing)
2. to practice my strength/discipline (emotional control, self control)
3. to practice my femininity (care for others, selflessness, vulnerability, humility, goodwill, positivity, joy)

A component of my life that I value is self care.
My intention for this component is to maintain a healthy lifestyle.
The committed actions i'm willing to take:
1. Reduce red bull/soda and eliminate alcohol consumption
2. to exercise regularly
3. to eat healthy foods
4. to keep doctor's appointments
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Bratting out as a way to regulate emotion...

Postby pamelaperejil » Thu Jul 26, 2018 4:04 am

EXERCISE 1 (CHAPTER 2):

Instructions
To begin, sit in a comfortable chair with your feet flat on the floor and your hands resting comfortably,
either on the arms of the chair or in your lap. Close your eyes. Take a slow, long breath in
through your nose. Feel your belly expand like a balloon as you breathe in. Hold it for five seconds: 1,
2, 3, 4, 5. Then release it slowly through your mouth. Feel your belly collapse like a balloon losing its
air. Again, take a slow, long breath in through your nose and feel your stomach expand. Hold it for five
seconds: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Then exhale slowly through your mouth. One more time: take a slow, long breath in through your nose and feel your stomach expand. Hold it for five seconds: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Then exhale slowly through your mouth. Now begin to take slow, long breaths without holding them, and continue to breathe smoothly for the rest of this exercise.

Now, with your eyes closed, imagine that you enter your safe place using all of your senses to ground
yourself in the scene.

First, look around using your imaginary sense of sight. What does this place look like? Is it daytime
or nighttime? Is it sunny or cloudy? Notice the details. Are you alone or are there other people or animals?

What are they doing? If you’re outside, look up and notice the sky. Look out at the horizon. If you’re
inside, notice what the walls and the furniture look like. Is the room light or dark? Choose something
soothing to look at. Then continue looking for a few seconds using your imaginary sense of sight.
Next, use your imaginary sense of hearing. What do you hear? Do you hear other people or animals?
Do you hear music? Do you hear the wind or the ocean? Choose something soothing to hear. Then listen
for a few seconds using your imaginary sense of hearing.

Then use your imaginary sense of smell. If you’re inside, what does it smell like? Does it smell fresh?
Do you have a fire burning that you can smell? Or, if you’re outside, can you smell the air, the grass,
the ocean, or the flowers? Choose to smell something soothing in your scene. Then take a few seconds to use your imaginary sense of smell.

Advanced Distress Tolerance Skills: Improve the Moment 33
Next, notice if you can feel anything with your imaginary sense of touch. What are you sitting or
standing on in your scene? Can you feel the wind? Can you feel something you’re touching in the scene?
Choose to touch something soothing in your scene. Then take a few seconds to use your imaginary sense of touch.

Last, use your imaginary sense of taste. Are you eating or drinking anything in this scene? Choose
something soothing to taste. Then take a few seconds to use your imaginary sense of taste.
Now take a few more seconds to explore your safe place using all of your imaginary senses. Recognize
how safe and relaxed you feel here. Remember that you can come back to this place in your imagination whenever you need to feel safe and relaxed. You can also come back whenever you’re feeling sad, angry, restless, or in pain. Look around one last time to remember what it looks like.
Now keep your eyes closed and return your focus to your breathing. Again, take some slow, long
breaths in through your nose and exhale through your mouth. Then, when you feel ready, open your eyesand return your focus to the room.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 386
Joined: Fri Jul 13, 2018 7:58 pm
Local time: Sun Jan 20, 2019 3:58 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Asperger's Syndrome Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 17 guests