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Asperger's and parenting

Postby pamelaperejil » Sat Jul 21, 2018 8:02 pm

Did you hace a oarent with Asperger's? If so, how did that go? Did you learn anything from their mistakes? If you are a parent, do you consider yourself a good one? Do you think your children are negatively affected by your disorder? Do they receive any positive benefits from it? What advice would you recommend to a AS parent raising NT children? What advice would you give to a NT parent raising an AS child?
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby Sjord » Sat Jul 21, 2018 9:39 pm

My dad has aspergers. He did a decent enough job, meaning he was never abusive or anything at all like that. He was a worse husband, all responsibility was placed on my mom.
He never connected with us children emotionally, we could never go to him for comfort or advice and he was reckless with safety for us. But he was always there if we asked him to be, but we had to ask. He helped with homework if we asked or mom told him to. He doesn't have that much empathy and is very self centered.

I would recommend for all parents (diagnosed or not) to be involved, and with that I really simply mean care. If the child has issues with something, or someone tells you that the child "stands out", figure out what is going on and adress it immediately. If you suspect a child has aspergers, consult with professionals and get a diagnosis if the child has it. Don't let a child with aspergers suffer through school without any help if the child need help. Learn about how your child works and make sure the child knows it's worth.
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby pamelaperejil » Sat Jul 21, 2018 11:25 pm

Sjord wrote:My dad has aspergers. He did a decent enough job, meaning he was never abusive or anything at all like that. He was a worse husband, all responsibility was placed on my mom.
He never connected with us children emotionally, we could never go to him for comfort or advice and he was reckless with safety for us. But he was always there if we asked him to be, but we had to ask. He helped with homework if we asked or mom told him to. He doesn't have that much empathy and is very self centered.


Your experience mirrors mine, exactly. Except that you appear to be more charitable than I. Until recently, I'd been in the habit of thinking of my dad as an altogether #######5 father. That said, he did expect a LOT of us without giving much back. It might have been the best he could do at the time. And i don't think he was given due credit for what he did contribute.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Sun Jul 22, 2018 12:14 am

Sjord wrote:My dad has aspergers. He did a decent enough job, meaning he was never abusive or anything at all like that. He was a worse husband, all responsibility was placed on my mom.
He never connected with us children emotionally, we could never go to him for comfort or advice and he was reckless with safety for us. But he was always there if we asked him to be, but we had to ask. He helped with homework if we asked or mom told him to. He doesn't have that much empathy and is very self centered.


I have four kids and this reads like me. I think the most important part is that I am always there and I provide stability with logic and routine. My wife handles the emotional support side of things. She's an INFJ. I should mention my responsibility went out the door because I couldn't handle the illogicality of my wife.

As a kid, I didn't know what doctors were so I have no idea what my dad is but I'd place him on the spectrum if I am. He was usually out drinking so I was mostly raised by my mother. My mother didn't get diagnosed with issues until her mid 40's when she was found wandering/walking a state over. My dad claims she was paranoid early in their relationship. I only have good memories of my mother but it could be because I was well behaved and never triggered her like my brothers.
Dx: SPD/AvPD/BP2
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby Sjord » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:43 am

pamelaperejil, I'm sorry to hear that you felt that way about your dad when you were younger, that must have been very difficult for you. How was your relationship with your mother?

Honestly, I never thought about it as a kid or adolecent, I was so completely focused on me and my own problems. I never analyzed the fact that my father was behaving differently, and I had no friends to compare with. It wasn't until I got into a really bad state, and eventually diagnosed that I could learn how I behaved differently and how well the diagnosis also fit my father.
And besides, my mom (with her own flaws and all) was an amazing mom, so I think that contributed to us children never feeling let down by our dad. Although, I must be honest and say that I don't know if my brothers agree with my view of things. My brothers are the best kind of brothers you can have, and it wasn't until a few years ago I realised that I was far from the best sister. I was a pain in the ass.

iabsurdlyexist, if I may ask, do you live together with your wife? How does that work?
How do you think it effects your children that you have aspergers (if you do?). Do you talk about it? Do any of your children show traits or are diagnosed?
I'm sorry your dad was drinking and not there for you, but I'm glad you have good memories of your mother. I assume by the last sentence that your brothers have a different view of your mother?
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby pamelaperejil » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:49 am

What I meant was: you're a better man than I am Gunga Din.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby Sjord » Sun Jul 22, 2018 6:58 am

pamelaperejil wrote:What I meant was: you're a better man than I am Gunga Din.


was this directed at me?
I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I know it's a poem, but that only confuses me. If you mean it literally, then no, I'm not.
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby pamelaperejil » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:01 am

Sjord wrote:
pamelaperejil wrote:What I meant was: you're a better man than I am Gunga Din.


was this directed at me?
I'm sorry, but I don't get it. I know it's a poem, but that only confuses me. If you mean it literally, then no, I'm not.


It was directed at you and intended literally.

Sorry if that wasn't clear.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
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(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby Sjord » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:16 am

[/quote]

It was directed at you and intended literally.

Sorry if that wasn't clear.[/quote]

Sorry, I'm easily confused.
And again, no I'm not. We're talking about experiences, and how you feel about something is never wrong. It can change over time though and you can feel different about it.
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Re: Asperger's and parenting

Postby pamelaperejil » Sun Jul 22, 2018 7:22 am

Sjord wrote:We're talking about experiences, and how you feel about something is never wrong. It can change over time though and you can feel different about it.


Indeed.

-- Sat Jul 21, 2018 11:31 pm --

I don't know about parenting, but I'm an exceptional cat owner.

Why are you laughing?
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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