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Do you try to change...?

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Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 7:47 am

...in order to fit in better or conform to social expectations? If yes, then do you feel like you're betraying yourself or others by being insincere? Do you try to change your thoughts/emotions or just your presentation of them? If no, then is NOT modifying your behavior worth the social price? I'm struggling with this.

To me, there's something of great value in being that blunt and unfiltered that would be lost if I tried to clean up my presentation. And I'm not sure it's worth the social points I would gain. I don't trust people who play the social game. I also wonder if going a little rogue serves as an important litmus test. A "do you really like me for me" kind of thing. I like idiosyncratic people, and I wouldn't really be comfortable for long amongst people who didn't. So while you're judging me for my gracelessness, I'm judging you for your intolerance. Maybe going all aspie on you is the easiest way to test whether or not we're compatible. Besides, I don't need that may friends, really. I'm okay being an outlier instead of a standard deviation. So...I don't know.

What do you think?
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 8:47 am

http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php

Your neurodiverse (Aspie) score: 93 of 200
Your neurotypical (non-autistic) score: 103 of 200
You seem to have both neurodiverse and neurotypical traits

At this point I'm wondering if I'm borderline at all. My dad has Asperger's, I'm fairly sure. My mom's bipolar. I'm wondering if maybe I'm such an atypical borderline because I'm not a borderline. I'm just the mess you get when you inherit genes that are 50% aspie, 50% bipolar, and then have an invalidating childhood while being raised by someone a parent with Asperger's and another with bipolar.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 9:21 am

Also: how do you learn to pick up on nonverbal cues? And is DBY ever recommended for people with Asperger's?
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Fri Jul 20, 2018 11:26 am

I think being properly blunt is an art form and I am not an artist. This means I'm an asshole. I do agree that some things just need to be said. To go along with your conform theme, this means I have been mostly silent my whole life. Easier to say nothing than to say the wrong thing.

As for conforming, I think it's whether you realize it or not. I have spent most of my life conforming because I thought that was what I was supposed to do. It took me awhile to realize that I was different and continuing to do things this way were only hurting me. I think this is why people tend to withdraw socially. Easier to avoid then to play the game.

For that test, I am 159 neurodiverse and 54 neurotypical. Have you taken the other official tests? I have them here: https://xpasd.github.io/ASD/.

I think nonverbal cues are picked up over time. It's sort of like pattern matching. It seems like NTs just sort of know because they gained them at a young age.

Did you mean DBT? Like I mentioned in the other thread, I was sent there due to an incorrect diagnoses. I think it was pointless for me. I couldn't guess whether it makes sense for others. Not all with ASD are alike and actually are all different people. If you've met one autistic, you've met one autistic.
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 11:31 am

iabsurdlyexist wrote:I think being properly blunt is an art form and I am not an artist. This means I'm an asshole.


Neither am I, apparently. I take your point but part of me is tempted to think the world needs more assholes.

-- Fri Jul 20, 2018 3:34 am --

iabsurdlyexist wrote:I think this is why people tend to withdraw socially. Easier to avoid then to play the game.


But withdrawing socially is still looked on negatively. And what about situations where you have no choice but to interact?

Did you mean DBT?


yes
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 12:00 pm

https://xpasd.github.io/ASD/raads.html
Answered 80 out of 80
RAADS-R Results Total Score Social Relatedness Circumscribed Interests Language Sensory Motor
Current test results 119 77 15 15 12
ASD Threshold 65 31 15 4 16
ASD Statistical Mean 131 65 29 27 10

-- Fri Jul 20, 2018 4:08 am --

https://xpasd.github.io/ASD/aq.html
Answered 50 out of 50
AQ Results Total Score Social Skills Attention Switching Attention to Detail Communication Imagination
Current test results 26 9 2 1 7 7
ASD Threshold 32 32+ indicates possible ASD
ASD Statistical Mean 36 8 8 7 7 6
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Fri Jul 20, 2018 12:19 pm

While social withdraw is looked upon negatively, it depends on whether one thinks asocial is better than anti-social. I bet most would choose asocial. As for forced interaction, I think some have found a way to almost totally isolate. I'd like it noted that I am not really an asshole, I just come across that way. :)

While I can't diagnose, those test scores look like you have issues socially but you probably aren't on the spectrum. However, the spectrum is very broad so like you stated, it's a bit inconclusive.

How do you feel different than others?
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 12:30 pm

iabsurdlyexist wrote: I'd like it noted that I am not really an asshole, I just come across that way. :)

Noted.

While I can't diagnose, those test scores look like you have issues socially but you probably aren't on the spectrum. However, the spectrum is very broad so like you stated, it's a bit inconclusive.

How do you feel different than others?


I zone out in social situations. Like, the people just fade into the background. I find them boring and just sort of tune them out. I focus on things. I'm a cook and I find the physical aspect of the work fascinating. So much so that I can go hours and hours without needing a break, coasting by on the energy I get from motion. But I've always had problems keeping a job because of the people and politics. I can't stand to be around people, even people I like, for any length of time. Meaning, like, five minutes or more. I need things spelled out in black and white language because otherwise I don't "get" what they're saying. I crush on people easily. I'm naive and overly trusting of some people. On the flip side, I build a wall and trust no one. I can't explain how I can be those two things at once, but I am. When i'm not working I'm lethargic and spend a LOT of time sleeping. Though I don't understand people, I get along very well with animals. I dislike crowds and groups.

On the flip side, I need validation from others because I can't provide it for myself. I have difficulty knowing what's real, and my point of view on things can change according to who's speaking. Someone can say the most ridiculous thing, the world is flat, and I will believe it wholeheartedly just because they said so. This can be confusing when multiple people are giving their opinions. I find it impossible to decide who's right or to know what I think, myself. I have meltdowns. I get paranoid under stress. I'm obsessive. I feed off of attention like a drug. I binge drink when I'm stressed.

-- Fri Jul 20, 2018 4:36 am --

These are my borderline symptoms: I'm impulsive. I crush on people easily. I binge drink during times of stress. I get triggered when people ignore me. I need validation from others: I have difficulty soothing myself. I'm drawn to the dramatic/idiosyncratic and I'm perfectionistic (though perhaps that could be an aspie thing). I struggle with feelings of shame/that I'm an evil person, I feel things strongly, I have trouble making and enforcing boundaries.

These are my aspie symptoms: i'm socially inept. I don't respond to nonverbal cues. I can't read between the lines. I get upset if things aren't "just so", i have difficulty with empathy, I'm obsessive, I have trouble concentrating, esp. on other people, I can't tolerate socialization for any length of time, I'm asexual, androgynous (perhaps a trait of both?), I figit and pace, I'm obsessive, I daydream excessively, I can't recognize faces, other people fade into the background, I'm direct and tactless

Traits of both: i have emotional meltdowns and feel "different", I'm naive and idealistic, I trust the wrong people and am sometimes taken advantage of, I get bored easily
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby iabsurdlyexist » Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:04 pm

You sound similar to me but younger. Maybe when I figure out exactly what I am, I can actually help. :)

I have been officially diagnosed with Schizoid, AvPD and Bipolar 2. I like to think my baseline is currently Schizoid but it may have started with ASD. My AvPD traits have dulled over time but that could also be the cause of my social ineptness. My bipolar doesn't seem extreme but it could be masked by Schizoid/ASD. I wonder if I am actually on the Schizo spectrum, I just haven't reached Schizoaffective yet. The recent psychosis has me worried that I am progressing.
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Re: Do you try to change...?

Postby pamelaperejil » Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:17 pm

iabsurdlyexist wrote:You sound similar to me but younger. Maybe when I figure out exactly what I am, I can actually help. :)

ha.

I have been officially diagnosed with Schizoid, AvPD and Bipolar 2. I like to think my baseline is currently Schizoid but it may have started with ASD. My AvPD traits have dulled over time but that could also be the cause of my social ineptness. My bipolar doesn't seem extreme but it could be masked by Schizoid/ASD. I wonder if I am actually on the Schizo spectrum, I just haven't reached Schizoaffective yet. The recent psychosis has me worried that I am progressing.

Sorry to hear that. I hope you'll be okay.

Do PDs change or transform? I had not known that.
Last edited by pamelaperejil on Fri Jul 20, 2018 1:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.
previously: pleasnpetrichor, perejil

Do I contradict myself?
Very well then I contradict myself,
(I am large, I contain multitudes.)
Walt Whitman, Song of Myself
User avatar
pamelaperejil
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Posts: 386
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