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New Member- Constant Paranoia?

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New Member- Constant Paranoia?

Postby SteveRogersFan » Sat Jan 07, 2017 5:01 am

.

This post mentions: medication, therapist, suggested repressed memories, panic attacks

(I didn't think this fit in with the paranoid personality disorder forum since I don't have much of the symptoms).

Hello! Thank you for taking the time to reading this~

I started getting paranoid after starting a new medication (not related to mental health stuff, but physical stuff). It was manageable, not lasting for a day or two after the medication- the dose is once every two weeks. I'd get some terrible nightmares but that was it.

Fast forward a few months and now I'm constantly paranoid. It's gotten so bad that I'm nervous and suspicious of all men/people who look very masculine. I have to keep an eye out for cars when I walk 100 ft to my house after school so I don't get abducted. I think people are in my room all the time. I have to check my room and bathroom before I sleep. Anyone who stands/sits too close to me or behind me causes an instant spike in anxiety.

I'm about to move out and live on my own in half a year and I'm terrified. I don't know if I can handle living in an apartment all by myself for the next couple of years. I haven't mentioned it to my therapist or my parents because I don't want them to worry- but the paranoia is very invasive now. I'm suspicious of people because I think sometimes they might be lying, but I don't think I have any outrageous delusions about people I know IRL. (on the internet is a different story. I joined a support website for LGBT+ people that also sometimes serves as a dating website for some. I got a message from a guy and I just freaked out. I haven't been on since.)

Also, I don't like to be touched at all??? My therapist mentioned repressed memories to me once, but I told her to drop the conversation because I didn't think anything had happened to me. But of course, I've been ruminating over a few times when I remember going to meet this one friend for coffee/at her house, and I remember nothing about it. I thought we got coffee at this one shop in my local shopping center, but I walked in and it wasn't the place we were at all! A few weeks ago I saw a store front and it clicked that this shop was where she wanted to meet, but I don't remember being inside. I remember ordering steamed milk for the first time, but that's it. I don't remember how I got home or what we did.

I honestly doubt that anything happened because I feel like my family would have noticed, but I don't know anymore. I also don't want to really bring up this with my therapist because she's tried EMDR on me before and it made me really uncomfortable. It was over an unrelated event about my feelings about being in a wheelchair, but it freaked me out.

I think I should mention the paranoia to her? Probably?

Also, I read something where this person had gotten a service dog to help with their PTSD. Is it selfish of me to want one because I'd feel safer with a dog? I just feel that because I love dogs so much, my subconscious might just want to convince me to trick someone into getting me one. I know I would feel so much better with one because dogs can sense more than people and they can be guard dogs, too. And having something to touch and to cuddle that isn't a person might help me out with wanting to be near people but not wanting people to touch me.

Sorry about this huge rant/vent thing. I don't really know how to approach these issues, so any advice or similar anecdotes would be so helpful <3


(also, how to TWs work on this site? I have had some pretty triggering things happen- one of which was directly caused by my paranoia. Nothing happened, but I thought something terrible was going to and it made me have the worst panic attack in my life).
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Re: New Member- Constant Paranoia?

Postby Snaga » Sat Jan 07, 2017 10:17 am

Welcome!
As far as trigger warnings go, a simple *TW* in the subject line will suffice.


If you're worried if something is too extreme, you can always run it be that forum's mod, if there's a named mod, or any mod, if there's not.


I think I'd look into the possibility of repressed memories. Have you had many such instances of missing details or time? Could this be some sort of disassociation?
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Re: New Member- Constant Paranoia?

Postby SteveRogersFan » Sat Jan 07, 2017 2:36 pm

I think I have some form of dissociation. I always feel like I'm in a dream or that I'm not real. It doesn't bother me, though. When I do feel real I get lots of anxiety.

I have a lot of medical problems, so I don't know if my terrible memory is caused by medication or what. My mother thinks I might have hearing issues because I can't always track a conversation, but I think it is a sensory thing. I get overwhelmed by too many things happening at once.

Thank you for all your help! <3
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