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I think I might need an SSRI but am nervous.

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I think I might need an SSRI but am nervous.

Postby HSP_EMPATH » Sat Mar 22, 2014 7:17 pm

Hi there, I've been browsing and reading for a while but this is my first time posting...
(this might be a bit long)

Much to my relief, I realised a few years ago that there is actually term for me: highly-sensitive person (HSP). I'm also an empath. I have been this way all my life... very hyper-aware of everything going on around me, very sensitive to the energies of other people, etc. I think, because I am this way, that I am prone to feelings of being overwhelmed, overstimulated, and anxious. I can also be a worrier and over-analytical. For the most part I can self-talk, self-nurture and regulate my feelings so they don't get away from me mostly due to the fact that I understand them so well. But, I have realised that I do feel quite mentally exhausted on the whole and as a result, if anything in my life challenges me, I feel like I'm running on fumes at that point because I spend so much of my regular energy in this state of high-sensitivity to the energies around me.

So, that's where I am now. I've recently realised I have to leave the relationship I've been in for the last three years. This in itself, would be difficult for anyone, but to add to this, it's our dynamic with each other that has brought me to a state of high anxiety and complete exhaustion. I've realised I can't exist in our relationship with our dynamic so unbalanced. By his own admission, he is intense and high-strung but also seems to have no ability to regulate or manage stress. As a result, he spends a lot of the time in this state and, taking into consideration the type of personality I have, he is draining me of all my emotional energy reserves because I am spending so much time trying to keep things harmonious.

To make matters worse, his stress causes him to be short tempered, impatient, and patronizing toward me. If I try to discuss this with him (I should also add that I am absolutely tragic when it comes to any kind of confrontation or conflict) he essentially tells me that I should not let "his" stress get to me. The thing he is missing is that I cannot escape his stress as he doesn't separate the feeling from me - he imposes it on me relentlessly. Even if he is angry at his ex-wife, or frustrated with their children, I inevitably become his verbal punching bag. Whether it's to use my good listening skills as a way of getting things off his chest or if it's to be impatient and short-tempered toward me. I am someone who is very contentious of other people's feelings and, in being that way, I feel really unfulfilled when my own partner can't be that way toward me. I feel starved for it sometimes.

I spend a lot of my time anticipating his moods because of how much his angry or stressful ones affect me both cerebrally and physically (feelings of anxiety or panic). So, I know I can't emotionally survive in this kind of environment. I spent quite a bit of time ignoring the signs that I might not be in a relationship that's conducive to my personality type but I guess I just kept telling myself that the stress won't last and eventually things will even out. What I didn't see at that time is that I don't think my partner can live without stress, there is always some measure of difficulty that be brings into his life (his stress is not from external sources) and I am not spared from it. Some people can handle that in a partner, I am not one of those people.

Right now, though, the thought of having to end my relationship is freaking me out. I have seen him really flip out. Shrieking, throwing things, slamming doors, leaving the house. He has also said some really vile things to me when we've been in a fight and I get into such a state of distress all I seem to be able to do is cry or bumble my way through defending myself or make my feelings known, but he doesn't relent even in the face of that. If there is something about our relationship I would like to talk about, he gets mad at me for being "one more thing to worry about" when he's already "so stressed." It automatically becomes about him and he is legitimately angry at me for that and sometimes will dismiss or ignore me for a couple of days - even though we live in the same house together and sleep in the same bed at night.

I recently saw a counsellor to discuss all this and try to get my bearings and he had suggested asking my GP for a prescription from the SSRI family so that if my partner does escalate to that point, I will be able to keep my wits about me. Then, he mentioned, they will empower me when it comes to having THE talk, and I will be better equipped mentally (stronger?) at handling anything that comes at me after that.

What I want to know, though, is this: I am not depressed and don't suffer from depression. My issue is worry and GAD (which, in itself, has only felt unmanageable in my current relationship). I have never been on any medication for any mental disorders. I am afraid of the way they might change me. For good, I kind of like being so hyper-aware and attuned to my environment - the world can look very rich and beautiful to me. I like crying when I watch a sad movie. I love being moved by nature and animals ... and I worry that an SSRI will take all that away from me. I also wonder if I can take it on a short term basis if I taper it off under the watch of my GP. Can I? Are SSRIs addictive?

If you made it this far then I really thank you for reading!
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Re: I think I might need an SSRI but am nervous.

Postby jennasto » Sun Dec 17, 2017 9:57 pm

Hi... Did you ever take any SSRI's?

Hope you're feeling well!
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