You silver tongued charmer

I've heard it said that people with a certain PD can be exceptionally charming.

My brother was one of the most charming people I've ever known but also one of the most destructive. He could get what he wanted from you and at the same time he would steal twice the amount you had given him and then use his charm to do it all over again. This was how he lived until his dying day.

I've also been told from psychiatrist that I have glib superficial charm but I don't consider myself a sociopath/psychopath.

Are you charming and what areas of life do you use your charm, whether it be superficial or real?

All welcome.

It is associated with negative connotations for most people, which is why a friend of mine attacked a guy for calling me charming. I think he meant it innocently as a compliment as he is an old fashioned, polite kind of guy, but she basically accused him of calling me something bad. It got really tense and complicated.

I have to say I automatically distrust 'charmers' .

And you are charming, no?

I like charming people but I would never trust someone who tried to charm me.

Manners73 wrote:And you are charming, no?

I wouldn't have thought I am naturally charming except when I have to be which is
- at work in certain situations.
- as part of flirting.
- when I get the odd bout of sentimentality.
- when I want to impress someone.
- when I want to talk my way out of a tricky situation.
- when I want to make amends .

I wouldn't say that I'm naturally charming. It's really just something I turn on when needed.

I use charm as a weapon and a necessary tool. It's very effective at disarming people and getting me what I want. It gives a lasting impression that creates attraction and makes people want to get to know me better. It can also help to expose vulnerability in others, depending on how it's used.

I like to use charm when meeting new people who I plan to use in one way or another, and I'll continue to use it as necessary if what I want off someone is ongoing. Charm is also very good for luring people into situations they'd otherwise be more wary of. Those are the main reasons I use it.

Manners73 wrote:I like charming people but I would never trust someone who tried to charm me.

There's charming in a sleazy, obvious way, and there's charming in a more respectful, subtle way.

If you know someone is trying to charm you they're being too obvious, so naturally you'll become suspicious of their motive. The trick is to use subtle flattery in a respectful way that comes off in a joking manner. People like it when you can make them laugh and feel good about themselves at the same time.

Subtlety is key. Don't make it look like you're trying to charm the person. Just make it look like you're enjoying their company.

I would never describe myself as a silver tounged charmer.

I usually lure people in with my craziness and then balance it with being randomly adorable and sweet. Which leaves general confusion.

I can be charming when I want to. I just don't usually want to.

In fact when first meeting people I am often described as aloof or people think that I have judged them and dismissed them. Which is generally not the case. I'm too straight forward. If I don't like you, I will be upfront.

I think the biggest point is that I actually don't care. Only giving a bit of a ###$ now that some of it got back to my work so mow I have to be a little bit more careful and less blatant.

Manners73 wrote:I've heard it said that people with a certain PD can be exceptionally charming.

I think you have to be. Lacking many of the things that make relationships with others work, you need to do something to compensate, and this one is fairly easy to do. You don't need to worry about whether what you say is true or the person is deserving etc, like most people worry about, so you can say whatever you think is going to get them on side.

So, yeah, it's glib, superficial, and only really works in the short-term, but it does always work, because people lap up attention and compliments.

I've described it to people like spinning plates on sticks. When you're with them they get sucked in with the bullsh1t, but when you're not there they tend to think more about it and become wary and start to wobble, so you have to keep yourself in their face from time to time, to keep them spinning.

There's a down side though. I can be very charismatic and charming but it eventually gets tiring or I lose interest in the person I'm talking to and, once the charm switches off, they can feel ignored and used.

I like to make people feel good and that's quite genuine but as for whether it's charm I use to do that or something else equilly superficial I don't know.

All that matters is the results I suppose.

Manners73 wrote:I like to make people feel good and that's quite genuine but as for whether it's charm I use to do that or something else equilly superficial I don't know.

All that matters is the results I suppose.

If you genuinely like making people feel good, then it's not superficial.