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Self Deprecating Humour

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Self Deprecating Humour

Postby salles » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:11 am

I notice people with Narcissistic traits and /or Aspd traits lack this ability.
I am surprised because it is such an effective tool to put people at ease.

''new studies have shown that a self-deprecating sense of humor actually promotes psychological well-being. Taking the first jab at yourself when you stumble alleviates that pressure. They may be laughing at you, but at least you made the joke.''

so, the question is

Do you lack this ability to laugh at yourself?
If so, why ? Is self embarrassment an issue for you?
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:26 am

I do this all of the time. People realise the more comfortable you are taking the piss out of yourself, the more confident and competent you are.

It engenders people towards you, as no one feels that they are the "victim" of the humour, as you're taking it on yourself.

Subtly is best; it's an incredibly effective tool.

Being a complete f*ckwit at human interaction(<- self-deprecation), this is an easy one.

It's the complete opposite of people bragging about themselves. The minute someone starts bragging, you instantly realise they have something to prove.

If you're good at something, other people should be saying good stuff about you. If you have to say it about yourself, there must be something wrong. It's not rocket science.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby salles » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:34 am

Do you use it as a deliberate tool, or is it an authentic sense humour?
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:37 am

salles wrote:Do you use it as a deliberate tool, or is it an authentic sense humour?


Both really. It's a large part of my sense of humour but I also use it as a tool at times.

I think it started as a tool and became habit.

It also gives you the ability to take the piss out of other people; if they see you taking it yourself, they'll be more happy to have it flung at them. I get away with all sorts of sh1t that others can't, partly because I take it well and am shockingly direct.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby salles » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:45 am

I use it quite a bit. Not sure what my motive is.
It can backfire with stupid people like the machiavellian/dumb ( frustrating combination) manager I have. Her response is to fakely try and boost my self esteem which is tedious. But I guess it is better to have her think I need this and adopt some kind of protective role than for her to go into attack mode.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Oct 29, 2019 8:51 am

Yeah, some people don't get it and I think this tells a story about them; they build a self-worth image that's like a house of cards and can't risk any 'social tap' at the risk of it falling.

At the very least, self-deprecating humour is disarming.

Culture is also a factor though. I find Americans are less able to "get it" than Europeans, for example.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby ZeroZ » Tue Oct 29, 2019 9:28 am

I started doing this years ago, when I was lifting and competing and I had to deal with people at work or what have you they would get extremely defensive and on edge. Try to prove themselves to me, start bragging how strong they used to be etc. it was so incredibly annoying I started cracking jokes about myself and it was almost a sign of relief like thank Christ this guys not an asshol. Then I found out ladies liked it even more. Probably wouldn’t work as well if I was a total nerd but who knows
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby salles » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:24 am

ZeroZ wrote: Probably wouldn’t work as well if I was a total nerd but who knows

Not sure.
If a nerd used it, I would be inclined to think 'hey he's not really a nerd after all'.
justonemoreperson wrote:t also gives you the ability to take the piss out of other people; if they see you taking it yourself, they'll be more happy to have it flung at them. I get away with all sorts of sh1t that others can't, partly because I take it well and am shockingly direct.

The problem when flinging the sh1t back is, when the mood changes and one is no longer doing it in a humorous way. Some people become confused. I know some people can't tell when I am joking or being sarcastic /insulting, and they don't know how to react.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Oct 29, 2019 10:45 am

salles wrote:The problem when flinging the sh1t back is, when the mood changes and one is no longer doing it in a humorous way. Some people become confused. I know some people can't tell when I am joking or being sarcastic /insulting, and they don't know how to react.


It's like a sh1t sandwich, in the words of John Lennon, "The more bread you have, the less sh1t you eat."

You have to fling sh1t that doesn't resonate with them too much. Pick on things they feel comfortable with. Then, if you want to make a point, all you need do is make a joke that hints at their insecurity.

Telling someone they're a wanker isn't going to have much effect, as it's an obvious attack and one that can be defended or just ignored. Hinting at it with humour, "Hey, when was the last time you had sex? Yesterday? Did it involve another person?" Everyone laughs, but the thought is out there.

And then, the best way out of that is self-deprecating humour. "Of course it was with another person, once I found the puncture repair kit," and the baton of control has been handed over.

-- 29 Oct 2019, 10:51 --

salles wrote:
ZeroZ wrote: Probably wouldn’t work as well if I was a total nerd but who knows

Not sure.
If a nerd used it, I would be inclined to think 'hey he's not really a nerd after all'.


Agreed. People fear vulnerability in themselves; if you can turn that on it's head and accept it, even joke about it, then it portrays a level of confidence.
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Re: Self Deprecating Humour

Postby cinnamoncookie » Tue Oct 29, 2019 11:08 am

salles wrote:Do you lack this ability to laugh at yourself?
If so, why ? Is self embarrassment an issue for you?

No.

However, you can't really tell whether you're doing this right with a screwed self-image or understanding of how other people think. Some people try to make self-deprecating jokes and just fail horribly because they don't understand what would be funny to joke about to others, as in what others would see as weird, stupid or intimidating etc. (or not), and because they can't joke about what they aren't self-aware of. This goes for everyone period but people with certain PDs and generally mental illness would logically be worse at it for that reason.
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