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Walking Away

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Walking Away

Postby Moloko » Sun Sep 22, 2019 2:37 pm

I work in the oilfield and have thrived for quite some time. The general mentality has been changing and I haven't been able to approach conflict in the way that I've considered to be ideal in the past few years. If someone says something that I perceive as insulting or hostile, I walk away or circumvent the behavior despite the fact that I would much rather do something direct and brutal to prove my point. I understand legal consequences and have no desire to deal with them. Even though I handle these situations in an "acceptable" manner, the thought of what I'd rather do stays with me and I angrily regret not handling things in a different way for hours or days. How would I reconcile doing "the right thing" with the feeling I'm left with? The goal is to come away from altercation focused on something other than what just transpired.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby ShaolinMonk » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:04 pm

If someone says something that I perceive as insulting or hostile


Check your perceptions.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:10 pm

Moloko wrote:I work in the oilfield and have thrived for quite some time. The general mentality has been changing and I haven't been able to approach conflict in the way that I've considered to be ideal in the past few years. If someone says something that I perceive as insulting or hostile, I walk away or circumvent the behavior despite the fact that I would much rather do something direct and brutal to prove my point. I understand legal consequences and have no desire to deal with them. Even though I handle these situations in an "acceptable" manner, the thought of what I'd rather do stays with me and I angrily regret not handling things in a different way for hours or days. How would I reconcile doing "the right thing" with the feeling I'm left with? The goal is to come away from altercation focused on something other than what just transpired.


What you're describing is someone who is stuck between being passive and aggressive without understand that there is a better middle-ground that people often ignore: assertive.

Your behaviour is someone with no rights, your fantasies represent someone who only has rights and no one else does.

Assertiveness lies in the middle, in reality, where you have rights but so does the other person. i would suggest that you read up on the difference between assertiveness and aggression and try to focus on that instead.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby ShaolinMonk » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:12 pm

Good point.
Mind you some people are just useless cvnts, and flipping them the mental bird is all they are worth.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:15 pm

ShaolinMonk wrote:Mind you some people are just useless cvnts


What's your criteria for measuring them as such?
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby ShaolinMonk » Tue Sep 24, 2019 12:20 pm

Now that is a loaded question.
Criteria is quite something really. Tends to change over time based on their own statements, so you could say, it is fluid in nature.

My mirror neurons are my undoing at times, but at other times, its quite remarkable what comes up.
So, it's one of those things, like bamboo. Useful in so many ways.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby Changingbee » Tue Sep 24, 2019 1:17 pm

@Moloko
Who really wins is who gets the most benefits or, even better, the one who is happier.
Sometimes who is superior walks away: nothing to prove.
Let them being the ones who get aggressive and get fired.
Anger can be like throwing an inflamed paper ball at someone: the first who gets burnt is the one who throws it.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby ZeroZ » Tue Sep 24, 2019 2:33 pm

Being assertive is good, showing anger and frustration is ok, if that’s how you feel it’s justified (to you) so it doesn’t need to for anyone else. The trick is to get your frustration out on the person without getting yourself a case.

I struggle with the same thing, it feels like you are betraying who you really are to appease someone else you see as a piece of crap and the after taste is unbearable. I get that, I keep in mind that if someone steps out of line with me for no good reason it says more about their character and not mine, how I react to it speaks to my character, Don’t let other people control your actions
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Re: Walking Away

Postby justonemoreperson » Tue Sep 24, 2019 2:36 pm

ZeroZ wrote: I keep in mind that if someone steps out of line with me for no good reason it says more about their character and not mine, how I react to it speaks to my character, Don’t let other people control your actions


^This. Too many people become reactive puppets to others' behaviour.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Walking Away

Postby Moloko » Tue Sep 24, 2019 2:39 pm

Zero,

I'll give that a shot.
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