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What Excites You

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What Excites You

Postby Reaper » Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:18 am

Hardly anything seems to excite me and the few things that do never seem to make the excitement last. It's frustrating being this fuking bored every fuking day.

I constantly see the world in dull colors. Everything feels flat to me because nothing seems to spark any kind of real emotion in me. Occasionally something will, but that's pretty rare.

I know it's not depression because I don't feel sad or depressed in any way. I'm still enjoying life to some degree. I like getting out of bed every day and listening to the birds sing their morning songs. I like being alive because there's always hope that the future will bring some excitement.

What I want is an enemy - someone who presents an element of danger because danger is the only thing that really excites me. I want someone who is capable of challenging me on my level, someone whose mind I can fuk with while they're trying to fuk with mine. Someone I can play cat and mouse with until we ultimately meet and either team up or try to kill each other. That's a chance I'm willing to take.

Yet, at the same time I feel like I'm getting too old for that shlt. I can't even fight that well anymore because I've been too fuking lazy to get back into martial arts training. I'd be inspired to though if I had a real enemy. Anyway, there's always hope for the future.

What about you? What excites you, and can you maintain the excitement for long?

Does danger excite you, or do you prefer to run from danger? If it excites you, what kind of danger gets you excited?

(Obviously there's negative excitement, like anxiety and fear, but I'm talking about positive excitement that makes you feel good)

Also, I enjoy the feeling of anger at times because it makes me feel alive. I've been told that's not normal, though I don't know if that's true or not because I think anger can be very cathartic for most people. For me, it's kind of like a high. It is a high in a way.

How does anger feel to you - is it a positive or negative feeling for you? Explain.
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Re: What Excites You

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:44 am

I bought a bike recently. Nothing special. Little 300cc. Been winding it up on country roads. I bring it up because the first time I fully turned the throttle and kicked through the gears I was a little excited. Started to have to focus, meandering thoughts stopped intercepting direct contact with my immediate surroundings and, like I've kind of explained before, I noticed that feeling I get where I'm grounded or present and 'there', not in my head and absent. Now when I ride, as I will today, I'll probably just feel in the groove at best. The novelty wore off and now the game is just to pay attention which isn't as fun. Daydreaming thoughts will come back and I'll not pay attention as well as I should while darting about.

That kind of pattern is fairly common for me. Something new and novel that requires my attention grabs me. If it's got stakes involved, it's particularly interesting and exciting. As I get used to it and it becomes routine, though, I lose the ability to do it without slumping back into semi-passive engagement in the activity. I've been bored in a fight where because I just didn't have any particular interest in what was happening.

I'm not sure what causes me to get bored and then something else pique my interest again. Sometimes it seems completely sporadic in that I'll be up for something then fizzle out without warning before later on being fully engaged again. Things must happen that my brain likes and when it's all aligned it feels good otherwise I'm just plodding along.

Anger isn't something I can write much about. I don't think I experience it. I don't have that intensity of feeling.

I relate being excited to being 'switched on'. Whether it's an intellectual curiosity or an adventure or putting myself in a situation where I'm going to have to pit myself off against something to get out or creating a social game out of something, I usually need to be properly engaged and I guess I find that exciting or at least feeling a low key sense of 'good'.

I think the intensity of the feeling is related to control and how in/out of control I feel of a situation. My investment in it and how long it is sustained probably relates somewhat to my ego but I don't know how.
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Re: What Excites You

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Sep 15, 2019 10:59 am

I think, anyway. Just stream-of-consciousness
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Re: What Excites You

Postby cinnamoncookie » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:05 am

@Reaper,
It sounds like you want a friendship but without the aspect of showing each other vulnerability.

What about you? What excites you, and can you maintain the excitement for long?

People, achievements, noticing I'm getting better at things, getting new stuff. People can stay exciting for a pretty long time. While improving skills I can hit a wall for a while. Stuff gets old. I'm noticing all of this comes down to getting attention actually, maybe Raven was on to something after all. :o

Does danger excite you, or do you prefer to run from danger? If it excites you, what kind of danger gets you excited?

I like danger if I can either pull the plug when I want or if the consequences aren't permanent. Possible physical pain or humiliation.

How does anger feel to you - is it a positive or negative feeling for you? Explain.

It depends whether I can do something about the source or not, or really just take it out on anything, if I'm feeling angry and powerless it's obviously a negative feeling.
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Re: What Excites You

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:12 am

People is a good answer
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Re: What Excites You

Postby cinnamoncookie » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:20 am

solemnlysworn wrote:People is a good answer

Thank you solemnlysworn
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Re: What Excites You

Postby Reaper » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:21 am

cinnamoncookie wrote:@Reaper,
It sounds like you want a friendship but without the aspect of showing each other vulnerability.


No, not friendship at all. There's a difference between teaming up and wanting a friend. The point of teaming up with someone is to benefit from them. For example: let's say I'm planning to kill someone and I'm not strong enough to move the body myself. It would help if I had someone to do the heavy lifting. Of course, I could dismember the body myself and move it, but that takes time and a place to be able to do it in and that's not always a viable option.

It's business, not friendship.

I probably could have used a better example but that's the first one that came to mind.
Last edited by Reaper on Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:25 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: What Excites You

Postby cinnamoncookie » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:24 am

Reaper wrote:For example: let's say I'm planning to kill someone and I'm not strong enough to move the body myself. It would help if I had someone to do the heavy lifting. Of course, I could dismember the body myself and move it, but that takes time and a place to be able to do it in and that's not always a viable option.

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Re: What Excites You

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:25 am

aww, reaper

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Re: What Excites You

Postby Reaper » Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:28 am

Friends are useless to me unless I can use them, and I don't need to be friends with someone to use in the way I want to. Friendship would help in gaining their trust, but I wouldn't want to team up with someone who's that gullible. It would have to be with someone who has earned my respect and the only person who could do that is someone who has challenged me and proven to be a worthy challenge.
Last edited by Reaper on Sun Sep 15, 2019 11:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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