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Playing the victim

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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Manners73 » Fri Mar 15, 2019 5:39 pm

Squaredonutwheels wrote:Do you still want him gone?


He's caused me nothing but trouble for a full year so yes I want him gone.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Sun Mar 17, 2019 4:21 am

Are you going to get rid of him?

Sounds like the kind of person who is going to cause more damage hiding in the distance than if he is right next to you.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Manners73 » Sun Mar 17, 2019 7:03 am

I don't have the authority to get rid of people.

I know what you mean.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby solemnlysworn » Sun Mar 17, 2019 8:38 pm

I play on hard times, illness, and the like to get away with conduct issues. Never really employed it as a political tactic for social monopoly, no.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Mon Mar 18, 2019 6:29 am

Manners73 wrote:I don't have the authority to get rid of people.

I know what you mean.


The work environment is like any other symbolic structure. "Authority" is only one of the dimensions of potential change. He seems to have covered many dimensions of conflict but there are weaknesses. Everyone has them.

That was a really convoluted way of saying

Maybe go around and find other ways to make him go away or be neutralized.

It's interesting to me to see how women react to males playing victims. It's unusual because helplessness is strategy to exploit compassion and guilt; something that women classically identify with and are stereotypically better at.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Manners73 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 6:33 pm

One of the first conversations I had with him he told me about his abusive childhood. Then later on I over heard him telling someone else a completely different version of events. This was my first warning sign. Nearly every story he tells is a hard luck story. The trouble is with telling me these things is that it has no real impact anyway whether it's true or not.

I can't say anything about him and what he's doing because I'm sick of the blank looks because no one can see or because management like him because he's a snake. And I can't say anything to him directly because he twists things and goes running to management with one of his hard luck tales of how hes being victimised.

Over time I've watched him befriend people only to stick the knife in and have them fired.

I know that I am overly protective of myself as well and acutely aware bordering on paranoia but it's what I've learnt to be as it seems I always come into contact with these characters.

You're right though it is usually women who do this type of thing.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby HSS » Mon Mar 18, 2019 6:41 pm

Sometimes I play the victim, in intimate relationships only.
It's an unconscious behavior and I realize it later.
I suppose that it's a relief valve for my rage, I wish to hurt the other indirectly, more than a manipulative behavior to get something.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Manners73 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 6:55 pm

HSS wrote:Sometimes I play the victim, in intimate relationships only.
It's an unconscious behavior and I realize it later.
I suppose that it's a relief valve for my rage, I wish to hurt the other indirectly, more than a manipulative behavior to get something.


That's what I reckon it is with him. I think he's a very angry young man and he can't express his anger because he'd be fired or exluded or arrested even so he uses other measures to get his kicks.

I can actually see absolute fury in his eyes when I speak to him but the way he speaks and carries himself completely defies the look in his eyes.
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby HSS » Mon Mar 18, 2019 8:08 pm

Manners73 wrote:
HSS wrote:Sometimes I play the victim, in intimate relationships only.
It's an unconscious behavior and I realize it later.
I suppose that it's a relief valve for my rage, I wish to hurt the other indirectly, more than a manipulative behavior to get something.


That's what I reckon it is with him. I think he's a very angry young man and he can't express his anger because he'd be fired or exluded or arrested even so he uses other measures to get his kicks.

I can actually see absolute fury in his eyes when I speak to him but the way he speaks and carries himself completely defies the look in his eyes.


Do you think that he does it consciously?
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Re: Playing the victim

Postby Manners73 » Mon Mar 18, 2019 8:19 pm

It would be easier for me if I thought he didn't know what he's doing but I think he does do it consciously.
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