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Swimming against the tide

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Swimming against the tide

Postby easiersaidthandone » Wed Jan 30, 2019 1:21 am

That's pretty much how it's like. 20 years on this planet and that's how it's always been.

I'll get a realization and try my hardest to be responsible, to do the right thing, to not do things on a whim, and to stick with goals and it's only a matter of time before I am back to my self. I used to think that I wasn't trying hard enough, or that I wasn't very interested.

It's only recently I have noticed this craving for stimulation, something that's been there since I can remember. I've always struggled with not giving in to desires and it's damn near impossible for me to do something I have no interest in. And I am not interested in most things... Lol ;)

The future looks bleak. I won't stop trying. Though it really just feels like I'm swimming against the tide.
I don't fake it, I just make it.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed Jan 30, 2019 8:41 am

easiersaidthandone wrote:That's pretty much how it's like. 20 years on this planet and that's how it's always been.


You're still a child - it's not how you've always been because you've not had enough time as a mature human being to form a trend.

Every child swims against the tide, and every child gets to 20 and thinks they're now set as they are as an adult.

Physically you might be fixed, to a point, but psychologically, you're just starting.

You may resist this idea, as most 20-year-olds do, but you do need to consider it, as what you start to focus on now is forming habits that will form who you will be.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby easiersaidthandone » Wed Jan 30, 2019 1:34 pm

I don't think this is how I'll remain. But it's not a new trend, at all. It's gotten worse as I age actually.

I look at others my age and people I went to school with and they're not dealing with these issues I am.

All my life I've had people try to marginalize my behavior. All it did was not allow me to get the help I needed. It's clear I am not growing out of anything.
I don't fake it, I just make it.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:07 pm

It reminded me of this old Chinese proverb:

Be careful of your thoughts, for your thoughts become your words.
Be careful of your words, for your words become your actions.
Be careful of your actions, for your actions become your habits.
Be careful of your habits, for your habits become your character.
Be careful of your character, for your character becomes your destiny.

The solution might be as simple as to not dwell on this and seek out new ideas, and I don't mean taking up golf.

We live our lives in a silo, conditioned to accept what we live as normal. It's why the Middle East is full of Muslims and China is full of Buddhists.

You learn what is taught and it becomes the "truth" but it's not, and to say that Buddhism will suit all Chinese people is naive.

Maybe it's time to make a radical change. Give your mind new thoughts, unencumbered by environmental conditioning. New thoughts, new actions, new habits, a changed character and a different destiny.
I'm not arguing; I'm explaining why I'm right.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby Squaredonutwheels » Wed Jan 30, 2019 2:17 pm

^this change of tone is interesting.

@OP
There is no tide. You are not that different. Just another head in the crowd.
You're f*cked just like the rest of em.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby easiersaidthandone » Wed Jan 30, 2019 3:18 pm

justonemoreperson wrote:The solution might be as simple as to not dwell on this and seek out new ideas, and I don't mean taking up golf.

I don't dwell on anything. It's what I tend to think after I have failed to change myself time after time. Until I embark on a new journey.

Squaredonutwheels wrote:@OP
There is no tide. You are not that different. Just another head in the crowd.
You're f*cked just like the rest of em.

You didn't understand anything I said.

-- Wed Jan 30, 2019 3:23 pm --

@jomp

The issue comes with not having a real desire to change; not for long anyway. I don't know how to fix that. I've tried forcing myself to and it doesn't work.
I don't fake it, I just make it.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby justonemoreperson » Wed Jan 30, 2019 6:14 pm

easiersaidthandone wrote:
The issue comes with not having a real desire to change; not for long anyway. I don't know how to fix that. I've tried forcing myself to and it doesn't work.



Yes, you do. Otherwise you'd not b1tch on about it here. Read the title of the thread, for f*ck's sake.

It's not that you don't have the desire to change, it's that you don't know how to start the process and worry that you might not be able to keep it going. Possibly also the fear that you'll lose everything that makes you feel comfortable.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby easiersaidthandone » Wed Jan 30, 2019 7:57 pm

Nah that's not it. I've started the process many times. The issue I have is in sticking with things. As desire quickly dissipates.
justonemoreperson wrote:Yes, you do. Otherwise you'd not b1tch on about it here. Read the title of the thread, for f*ck's sake.

If you think I've been complaining or b1tching you might be less perceptive than I thought. Or perhaps you don't like that the assumptions you've been making are incorrect, in my case.

I am all for advice. But if you're just going to assume things and get pissy when I explain it's not the case it doesn't help anyone. It's not a social playground, remember?
I don't fake it, I just make it.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby Manners73 » Wed Jan 30, 2019 8:16 pm

easiersaidthandone wrote:That's pretty much how it's like. 20 years on this planet and that's how it's always been.

I'll get a realization and try my hardest to be responsible, to do the right thing, to not do things on a whim, and to stick with goals and it's only a matter of time before I am back to my self. I used to think that I wasn't trying hard enough, or that I wasn't very interested.

It's only recently I have noticed this craving for stimulation, something that's been there since I can remember. I've always struggled with not giving in to desires and it's damn near impossible for me to do something I have no interest in. And I am not interested in most things... Lol ;)

The future looks bleak. I won't stop trying. Though it really just feels like I'm swimming against the tide.


I have no answer but part of this reminds me of me when I was younger. When I was a teenager I used to say to myself that this is the week where I change my ways. I'm going to get stuck in to my work, behave myself and concentrate and not get into any trouble. The reason for that was because I just wanted to be like everyone else.

However, with each week that went by my behaviour just got worse and worse. It was as though the harder I tried to behave the worse it actually got and it felt as if it was all completely outside of my control. In the end I was so out of control I had to be locked up with all the rest of the teenage hooligans.

The thing is though is that I know that if I had a second chance to do it all again I would be exactly the same because it's just the way I was and still am.

You can't really change who you are as a person but at some point you will acquire the power to control your urges and impulses.

God knows, it's took me long enough and I'm 46 this year and I'm still learning.
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Re: Swimming against the tide

Postby poxalis » Thu Jan 31, 2019 12:33 am

i found twenty hard as fuck. good luck. seems like a different lifetime. i certainly felt like a psychopath sometimes. i don't feel normal now at 30, but i don't feel much like i did at 20. well, in some ways but mostly it's a completely different life. i'm still chasing some things i had at twenty and still trying to outrun others. mostly though, those memories have been left behind. sorry you have mental health issues at that age. seems a bad time for it.
justonemoreperson wrote:
easiersaidthandone wrote:
The issue comes with not having a real desire to change; not for long anyway. I don't know how to fix that. I've tried forcing myself to and it doesn't work.



Yes, you do. Otherwise you'd not b1tch on about it here. Read the title of the thread, for f*ck's sake.

It's not that you don't have the desire to change, it's that you don't know how to start the process and worry that you might not be able to keep it going. Possibly also the fear that you'll lose everything that makes you feel comfortable.


some people have a harder time with bad habits than others. i think the key is to remember it's all just about habits. your thoughts and action (and they go hand in hand, effecting each other). but yeah, you can certainly desire you to be different but lack true motivation. when you are 20 you have little to no responsibilities and therefore motivation is much harder. you are such an old fuck, jomp, you probably forget. though you were 20 in the 1950s or something, probably had three kids and a house at 20. :D
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