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why do you want to be thin?

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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby catastrophe » Sun Sep 02, 2012 1:02 am

It feeds my addictive personality. Even though it hurts me when I do something wrong, it satisfies me when I do something right. If I didn't have my ED, I would probably be doing something else (besides my already bad SI) to feel some sort of control. I wouldn't be surprised if something else actually did pop up in the future...
Dx: depression, eating disordered, mild OCD, dissociation
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Anasui » Sun Sep 02, 2012 4:22 pm

My family is very superficial. So when they see that I am "big" then they start acting like I am not human. I remember my uncle telling me once that the only way I could ever have a guy to truly love me was if I was at least a size 6 or smaller. This was back when I was around a *edited*. I now am able to fit into a *edited*, still feel fat, and am trying to get to a *edited* by the end of this year.

My boyfriend, though, thinks that I am fine the way I am.
Last edited by jilkens on Tue Oct 02, 2012 2:29 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby jessee79 » Mon Sep 10, 2012 5:48 pm

EarlGreyDregs wrote:
neowhimsical wrote:I think it's because I associate sex with being dirty, and being thin and starved makes me clean and pure. I don't know. When I was at my thinnest I felt like I was on a plane soaring high above everyone else.

I idealize high fashion models. The thinner the better. I don't know why but I love looking like a starved little girl. Weak and vulnerable. Sunken in eyes, bones protruding, flat chested. That's perfection to me and even now I can't get over it.


I can really relate to these two statements you said, Neo. Being starved did give a sense of purity, like you said. I wonder if the sex & food are related in these ways: Both are a form of penetration into the body. We feel cleaner, purer, when we are not penetrated by a male OR by food. We are simply ourselves, untouched. At least thats the connection I can make between the two. Let me know what you think of that thought.


This was similar for me too. My anorexia first properly started after my first sexual experience - which was not rape exactly, but he got me too drunk to stop him. After that I chopped off all my long blonde hair and bleached it white - and then started seriously dieting - till I completely lost my breasts (previously quite large) - with cropped white hair and flat chest I was like a strange looking little boy. Everything he complimented (my curves, my hair, etc.) was gone. It made me feel so disgusting to have him on top of me, touching me, talking to me - and I wanted to be rid of it all. He said at one point 'you have no idea what men would do to be with you' and this has haunted me every since. I am not beautiful but with big boobs and long blonde hair I looked feminine and got noticed.

So anyway, ridiculously long answer but yes - for a long time I felt like sex was disgusting and dirty and starved myself to lose an appearance of sexuality.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Mustard Drone » Sat Sep 15, 2012 8:56 am

So I take up less space.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Rawrytheracingcar » Sun Sep 30, 2012 1:43 am

This sounds horrible, but one reason is I like the jealousy that my friends and family get because I am "just so tiny". :oops: I come from a family of obese people (Mom's side) and anorexic (Dad's side), so I've always felt the pressure to look like the women in my Dad's family despite knowing they all have eating disorders.
For me, being very thin makes up for the fact that I see myself as "ugly" and it also makes me feel like a little girl again. This is going to sound really weird, but I got my period very early and always felt like it stole my childhood away. I guess being thin makes me feel like I have at least my childhood body back.
Dx:Impulse Control NOS, GAD, BPD Rule-Out.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Anasui » Tue Oct 02, 2012 1:30 am

Rawrytheracingcar wrote:This sounds horrible, but one reason is I like the jealousy that my friends and family get because I am "just so tiny". :oops: I come from a family of obese people (Mom's side) and anorexic (Dad's side), so I've always felt the pressure to look like the women in my Dad's family despite knowing they all have eating disorders.
For me, being very thin makes up for the fact that I see myself as "ugly" and it also makes me feel like a little girl again. This is going to sound really weird, but I got my period very early and always felt like it stole my childhood away. I guess being thin makes me feel like I have at least my childhood body back.

Don't feel bad. I understand where you're coming from a bit. I live with my dad's side of the family and they are either overweight/obese, or they have an ED. My grandparents tend to over-eat and they force me into eating with them, which is very hard for me to handle, but I will eat something small to at least please them.

And with the ones who care more about being thin, are only feeding my e.d.

My boyfriend, though, threatened to leave me if I ended up becoming at an unhealthy weight for my height. So the minimum I can reach would b around *edited*. And with my grandparents basically trying to shove food down my mouth, I keep gaining/losing weight, and it's honestly a nightmare...
Last edited by jilkens on Tue Oct 02, 2012 2:31 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby nightmarish » Wed Oct 10, 2012 12:43 am

chloer wrote:For me it is control. Everything else has fallen apart and my eating is the only thing left I can control. I chose not to eat, to become thin - no one else has a say in it.

C x


This is exactly how I feel...my life has fallen apart several times in a very short period of time and this is the only thing left I have control of. I choose to limit my intake or not eat at all and that's that.
It also feeds my addictive personality, I'm addicted to how I feel when I can fit into a smaller pair of jeans or a smaller shirt. I'm addicted to the "hey, you look fantastic" comments.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby believeinme??? » Wed Oct 17, 2012 4:42 am

chloer wrote:For me it is control. Everything else has fallen apart and my eating is the only thing left I can control. I chose not to eat, to become thin - no one else has a say in it.

C x



This is the same thing for me. Controlling what and how much I eat gives me a semblance of control in a life that, up until now, has been decided my my control freak of a stepfather. It's a comfort, something I can always rely on.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby HaxX » Sat Oct 20, 2012 12:02 pm

Firstly I would like to mention that I do not have anorexia (although i have been accused of having it by friends because im kind of boney anyway..) But i do relate to some of the things people are writing here, and how there can be an asthetic to thiness. Its is a little odd.
I have an attraction to the look of emaciation, even though i know its not locically healthy.

I just wonder where this attraction comes from? Its seems kind of counterintuative.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby LittleRedDogToo » Sat Oct 20, 2012 1:03 pm

Control.
That's what it boils down to.
We're not invited.
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