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why do you want to be thin?

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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Schrei » Tue Mar 20, 2012 2:15 am

I want to be thin because I don't want to be fat. I know that sounds a bit...obvious.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby owlandeaglexx » Tue Mar 20, 2012 10:54 am

For me, I use and abuse my body with different things, so I have high expectations for myself. When I'm on certain drugs I lose heaps and it's one of the only times I actually feel slightly happy and safe and peaceful, like when I'm on a fast especially. I feel pure and clean when I'm fasting and losing. It's one of the only times I feel slightly attractive. Everything looks better. My face, my body, my clothes fit better, I walk better, I feel better, if not hungry ;)
I LOVE FASTING!!!!!!!! Haven't done one in ages and I'm currently eating like $#%^, atm I just don't give a ###$. I just don't care anymore, about my herbal teas and I'm back to drinking milk and eating bread and desserts and sweets and I look horrible. Sacrifices!

Take care everyone x
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Chicken_chicken » Tue Mar 20, 2012 9:00 pm

There are heaps of reasons.

'Cause it's a valid (although I know that's irrational) way to commit suicide, in my mind anyway. 'Cause I just want to disappear, vanish. Be no more.

'Cause I don't ever want to become obese (even though my psych has said that that is pretty much an impossibility for me). Heard the way my parents mocked and joked about and got us kids to mock and joke about "fat" people when I was growing up, and so I started cutting back meals and my father would praise me for it. Would fast and they would praise me for my religious piety. Because my ex-husband would call me a fat @@@@@@@ and fat sl*t when I was pregnant and I just wanted him to love me.

'Cause I hate looking at myself in the mirror.

'Cause I hate seeing fat on my body anywhere. I like seeing my collarbones protruding, like seeing my ribs defined. Hate my thighs and arms and the excess skin on my stomach (from being pregnant which makes it look like I have a pot belly even though everyone around me have said that I have no belly).

'Cause I hate the feeling eating does. Reminds me of sexual abuse. Makes me feel dirty.

'Cause it feels like the only thing I can control in a crazy world.

BUT, those are all irrational and unhealthy thoughts/feelings I have. So have to combat it day to day.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby jilkens » Wed Mar 21, 2012 12:26 pm

Hey lovely people,

The direction of this thread is starting to worry me a little, so I'd like to take the time right now to remind everyone that this forum is pro-recovery and glorifying ED is an unhealthy behaviour.

When talking about urges to engage in fasting, purging, etc, it's helpful to speak about the emotions you're experiencing and exploring those emotions to see what you can learn from it.

Take care!
Blame it on me, but know that I won't regret one iota.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby mindovermadhatter » Sun May 13, 2012 8:14 am

EarlGreyDregs wrote:
neowhimsical wrote:I think it's because I associate ...being thin and starved makes me clean and pure.

I can relate to this feeling as well.^

I feels like I am not dirty inside, weighed down,... almost clean or spiritual.
I sometimes fast for spiritual holidays,...but most day that is not why.
I used to not be able to eat in front of others as well, now, I don't like it much.
It seemed like a personal/private act.

My mother, when praying for a baby (to adopt) prayed for one who would look a certain way, even a certain height/weight....I want to be that weight, ....& I want to wear a bikini for once.
I have bad OCD, & honestly, I just want to be perfect.
"I want a perfect body. I want a perfect soul. I want you to notice. When I'm not around. You're so ****in' special. I wish I was special."

I want to look like Brigitte Bardot (we look similar).

When I was younger I was always thin, then I got early puberty at 9 years old & started getting curves before any of my peers. I also had severe allergies & was on Add medication when kept me thin by either having no hunger or throwing up. The allergies made me have to analyze everything I ate... which was really not that much anyway. I remember having fruit juice & dinner only most of Jr high school. I was nicknamed skinny mini.

In highschool, after I was off the add medication & allergies were under control, I was put on Prozac/Paxil and gained 74 lbs!!!!!!! in a very short time.
I remember hearing my (anorexic) best (<-at the time) friend's boyfriend referring to me as the "fat girl" over the phone. That really shook me & I struggled with bulimia from that moment on. I was 14/15 then.

Everything (stress, bullemia, chew & spit, insomnia, poor nutrition, grief) took a huge toll on my health & I had mono several times, my immune system became suppressed, etc. It caused MANY health problems in me to where I had to get a ged after trying to homeschool, can't work, can't drive, exercise too much, etc :(

I also have polycystic ovaries, which makes it VERY hard to lose weight due to hormonal issues.

Through nothing related, other than wanting to be healthy again, I became a pescatarian... I lost some of the weight I had gained (about 15 lbs?)... other than emotional weight.

I later became a vegetarian soon after and lost about another 20 lbs, but I was still eating too much fat/sugar.

I was involved in an abusive (mentally, sexually, physically, financially, control, etc) relationship with someone I ended up marrying at 19.

2 1/2 years later, when we got divorced I responded by binging (gaining) & then not eating.
This is how my body? mind? learned to respond to stress from then on.
I had no appetite... food just made me sick to look at.
My OCD started to overanalyze things, like the thought of shoving material in your mouth that was full of fiber & had to be broken down, etc... which grossed me out as well. Food & the act of eating both.

I also began to feel like I would never find love again unless I lost more weight.
Which I started to do without trying to, due to not eating.
Losing weight made me feel prettier, which was dangerous for me to realize.
I lost the divorce weight & some more through anorexia & bulimia.

I started hanging out with friends again, I hadn't seen much due to my controlling relationship.
I was badly anorexic at this time. I ate barely any throughout the week & then dinner/drinks with friends on the weekend or coffee out with my best friend during the week. (I also became a coffee addict) to keep going.
I lost ALOT of weight at that point.

I became vegan, and started eating a little more, but it didn't last long, and I reverted back to a once a week vegetarian. My friends ate too much chees or dairy chocolatee in front of me, & it was a weakness then.

I started talking to an old friend who had known me when I was heavy & had a crush on me then, (but I was with my ex). We started dating & he made me feel so comfortable/beautiful being just myself, that I started eating regularly again, & gained some.

flash forward in time 3 years ago,:

My fiancé got deported,
my best friend (the one I hung out all the time like a sister) was murdered in her driveway by her abusive ex, after a concert I was supposed to attend with her (leaving behind her little daughter).

I stopped eating again & throwing up.
It was much more pleasant to focus on what I ate or didn't & my weight then what was going on, which felt like losing my world.

I started visiting my fiancé out of country (for 1/3 of the year at a time the past 2) and eating a little more.
but when I came back I stopped.

Now, this year he developed a bad drug habit while I was away, & had to go to rehab 3 months no contact.

I stopped eating again.

I slowly became vegan again and a healthfood nut, which due to low calories, made me feel better about eating, but I still want to lose weight even if I have to skip days, which with my 10+ years of nutrition research, I know is really bad for me. When I am stressed, I hate food as well.
I rarely if ever, have a bulimic episode anymore, but I do fast some days.
I eat more than before because of "what" I am eating.

I want to be the perfect weight though now (& lose any cellulite/ my jiggly inner thighs...stop touching!!!)). I want to be perfect for me, & for when I see him again, for my mom, for society.
I want to be skinny, but I do want to be healthy.
I blame fat/food for so many of my health issues.
Being overweight wrecks havoc on PCOS for one.

I have 2.5 lbs to go.
I am now 27, when was 13 I weighed 8lbs more than I do now.
I want to be the weight my mother prayed I'd be before she got me,... that would make my weight perfect, but I have no clue what I will do when I reach that goal?????
Maybe set a new one? I have to have something to focus on, maybe gain & lose?

I really have no idea what will happen then.
It worries me & excites me to reach it, to be that strong? to be the perfect weight? maybe less.
'How do you know I'm mad?' said Alice.
'You must be,' said the Cat, 'or you wouldn't have come here.'
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby helenslight » Fri Jul 20, 2012 6:10 pm

This is a great thread. I want to be thin because when I gained the 30 pounds with the cancer meds I gained it all in my stomach. I am so fat there. I actually can see that I am not fat in my extremities but, although I see it, I can't feel it. I just need my stomach fat to be gone. It doesn't feel right. It feels like a spare tire around my waist. Who wants this? I don't! I just do not feel good in my body. I need a new body. :(
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby wonderdog » Fri Jul 27, 2012 1:41 am

hi, i'm new here:) i agree with several replies.
being thin 4 me is better because it doesn't add 2 my self-loathing.
it hurts to be me, but the one thing i like about me is that i'm thin.
i am healthy & eat nutritiously,just never go over certain calorie limits &
i never feel free 2 enjoy food.
i always wish i were even thinner, but haven't yet been able to ignore the hunger.
in college i started purging & continued for years on & off.
being in control of my weight makes me feel like i'm better than
other people (who are overweight).
the control is essential & i do suffer from generalized anxiety.
thanks 4 the chance 2 share:)
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Winterblue » Sat Jul 28, 2012 11:32 pm

I use self harm so I can feel something (or alternatively numbness). This creates an illusion of being connected to disconnected to something. Cutting or abstaining from food gives me that control. Feeling pain from hunger, or when the hunger goes away emptiness and cleansed. Rather hard to describe as are dichotomous.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Neely » Sat Aug 11, 2012 8:49 am

I want to be thin because I don't want to be fat. I know that sounds a bit...obvious.

This. And I just feel so much more comfortable within myself when I'm the thin girl.
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Re: why do you want to be thin?

Postby Hels114 » Fri Aug 17, 2012 9:22 am

That is the question that i am always asking myself every day. i have now had anorexia for nearly a year and i have got to the stage where anorexia has taken over most of my body. I wanted to be thin because i thought that if my face is ugly then at least i can have my body to be proud of. This though has gone too far and i am sucked up by anorexia. sometimes you think that you like your body. Once you have eaten something that changes completely. This is just a taster of what it is like to live with anorexia and i still have a long way to go. :(
I hoped this has helped.
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