Our partner

how did anorexia start for you

Anorexia Nervosa message board, open discussion, and online support group.

how did anorexia start for you

Postby sugarcupcake » Sat Feb 20, 2016 5:56 pm

I stopped talking my psych meds that were making me very hungry and now I have no appetite at all. It's a struggle to force myself to eat. Right now I think I am still getting enough food but I am afraid that my appetite will never return. Is that how your anorexia started, with a loss of appetite?
sugarcupcake
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 35
Joined: Sun Feb 14, 2016 9:21 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby Zombiephobiac » Thu Feb 25, 2016 9:18 am

I began dealing with Eating Disorders ever since I was a young child.
When I was in kindergarten, I first experienced body image issues, as almost all of the children in my group were thinner than me, or so I thought. Having a large bone structure can be a huge pain if you're dealing with low self-confidence, just as I am. I was often the left out one who had no friends, nobody to play with. Of course, in time I developed some friends, but I do remember myself often comparing to them, especially my best friend who was a bit chubby and bigger than me.
Later, when I started school, I attended sports, usually a few at one time. I used to play volleyball, basketball, swimming, ballet, athletics and even used to be a cheerleader for a short time. I left cheerleading due to the awful words of my trainer: "She's not skinny enough to be a cheerleader, so we'll put her for reserve", meaning that I would only be able to cheerlead if one of the members get sick and are unable to play, so I can replace them. My mother was furious about this and she said that she won't be paying for something that makes me sit on a bench, while watching other cheerleaders train and I do nothing.
In high school, I seemed to grow faster than most girls. I developed some hips, breasts and a larger behind. Even though my waist has always been tiny and this body was considered to be "sexy" by men, I wasn't at all satisfied with it at all. I was often bullied by this one guy from my class, who mocked and made fun of me every time he sees me in the school hall. My insecurities grew more and eventually I was trapped inside myself, ending up self-harming, taking pills, excessively exercising and dieting in order to fix my body and make it as slender as most girls. Nothing worked, not even diet pills, which I later abused but ended up gaining weight instead of losing. Then one day I've decided: "If anorexics can go on without eating, then so can I." I know, quite 'wannarexic' of me back then, but I was desperate. I began looking up thinspirations on the internet, while eating one baby apple for breakfast and a really, really small portion of green salad and nothing else for the whole day (total calorie count - *mod edit*). This went on for two years without a single binge. Of course, later on I started eating other things, besides apples and salad. However everything had to be either a fruits or vegetables. I hid my Eating Disorder behind what I call myself - raw vegan. Back then I had Orthorexia and lost nearly *mod edit*, placing me in the underweight section. I've switched many, many therapists and none ever succeeded to help me, until I was forced into recovery. That made my life a mess. I had no goals, I felt like I had no future. I wanted this torture to stop, so I did the unimaginable. I began abusing laxative pills, which made me throw up everything I ate. Of course, I fasted from time to time, but mainly purged. This went on for a whole year, before my parents found out what I have actually been doing. Even though I started modelling (catwalking) and later on cosplaying, people kept on criticising my body, but this time saying that I look "sick". After some time, I began having awful stomach aches and one day my mother sent me to the hospital for a week. It turned out I have an ulcer in my stomach from all the damage I've done to my body. I was forced to never take laxative pills again, but even so, I still continued to fast for weeks, in order to get back to my lowest weight. It hurted, but it was worth it. Right now, one year after the hospital thing, I try to outwit myself that I am living a normal life, while in reality, I still to this day continue to struggle with my Eating Disorder, still eating less than I should, still fasting whenever I have the chance, but with the difference that I don't count calories anymore and try to convince myself that I am eating normally.
Last edited by gratteciel on Mon Mar 07, 2016 7:10 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: edited out numbers per forum rules
Image
❝If BJD dolls can be perfect, then so can I.❞ - Personal.
☽♡☾
Zombiephobiac
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 32
Joined: Wed Feb 24, 2016 11:18 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 3:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby maskedsanity » Fri May 19, 2017 7:53 pm

My severe depression didn't make me want to eat at all.
maskedsanity
Consumer 5
Consumer 5
 
Posts: 126
Joined: Mon Jan 16, 2017 3:50 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (1)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby Leonardcircle » Mon Sep 04, 2017 10:33 pm

I was anorexic as a child and stopped when I hit puberty. There wasn't a body image issue for me. I just didn't like to eat and was never hungry. Maybe that is not what anorexia mean, but I was severely underweight and often get light headed and fatigue. I remember my parents making me eat a spoon of pasta and I just couldn't eat, I'm not sure why even now. There was just something in my brain that blocks the action of eating food. When I saw food, I froze, I got irritated, angry, annoyed, anxious. When I hit puberty, I started to get hungry and began eating like a normal person.
Leonardcircle
Consumer 2
Consumer 2
 
Posts: 43
Joined: Tue Jul 25, 2017 10:27 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 1:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby alittleroar » Tue Oct 03, 2017 3:15 pm

I never had a good relationship with food, it was usually a negative experience to eat, my mum used to have to bribe me just so I would eat when I was little. I'm now 24 and I feel like not eating is just the way I'm built even though I'm diagnosed with anorexia. Then again I might just be so far in that thinking that it's just the norm for me and honestly I've given up on recovery, even my last therapist said I'm a lost cause, no matter how much I work I will never not have an ED so I now just live with it and my partner tries to make sure I eat at least once a day (even though that doesn't always happen) :roll:
Take me to Wonderland
User avatar
alittleroar
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 29
Joined: Mon Oct 02, 2017 7:07 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby ChasingSanity » Mon Nov 13, 2017 7:04 am

I got severe depression at 15/16 and just stopped caring about myself, that included eating because I didn't feel there was a point. Now restricting behaviours are about control.
ChasingSanity
Consumer 1
Consumer 1
 
Posts: 39
Joined: Mon Dec 21, 2009 3:00 am
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 10:37 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby mkeriku » Thu Nov 16, 2017 3:00 am

How did it start?: I wanted to be thinner. Why? I didn't know.
Eventually?: I knew. Oh $#%^. I either wanted to be seen as androgynous or masculine. Oh $#%^. ###$.
mkeriku
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 4
Joined: Thu Nov 16, 2017 2:48 am
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 8:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby CityMouse » Mon Jan 01, 2018 6:52 pm

For me it's about control. People harass me and try to control me all the time. So I take back control this way.
CityMouse
Consumer 6
Consumer 6
 
Posts: 385
Joined: Sat Sep 29, 2012 4:23 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby lookingforsimilarh » Wed Aug 15, 2018 7:40 pm

Mine Started from depression and anxiety. I thought if I could at least fit into my old clothes I would know that people weren't talking about me and my anxiety would go away.
lookingforsimilarh
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Wed Aug 15, 2018 7:28 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 7:07 am
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: how did anorexia start for you

Postby dustysauce » Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:33 pm

Mine started through a multitude of things

so i started smoking a lot of weed and couldn't eat when I wasn't high and it made my metabolism sky high so i had all the benefits of eating without gaining weight, me and my partner were also broke and didn't eat a lot of meals anyway. I was always slightly overweight being 5'2 I noticed it way more.
when the weight slipped off me I noticed how my face had changed and i had a nice body shape and thigh gap ( i never aimed for these but got it was a relief buying tiny jeans where my thights didn't rub together in the summer )
After that i moved with my boyfriend and we became severely pressured by jobs, visas etc so then i lost more weight and smoked more weed. I got used to the new me, with a jawline, cheekbones, skinny arms (oh the skinny arms i loved too) and it made me feel more spiritual in a way, lighter and leaner was something i loved.
I started at around *mod edit* pounds and my skinniest I was *mod edit*.
I then began singing, dyed my hair into a cute blonde bob and suddenly everyone noticed me - i became the it girl.
I would noticed the small differences when i would binge for a couple weeks so my face got less defined , my arms chubbier my thighs jiggled a bit again and i hated it i felt like i was carrrying this extra mass that tied me down.
Since then I guess ive become addicted to mainting this petit frame, about a size 0- 4 i range depending if i purge. i gave up weed too.
I can't see myself ever letting myself get to a completely healthy weight or being how i was before because my whole life, identity, music how people view me is this petit blonde.
dont get me wrong i love food its great, but for me once i start i can't stop and then one day i wake up gained weight (6 lbs maybe?) and decide to lose it again.
I am aware im hurting my body but that feeling isnt stronger than wanting to look and feel a certain way.
At first when I lost a load of weight and started seeing my chest bones i got worried, but now that's my goal, if i can't see bones i know i ###$ up.
and im sure people look at me in disgust , to some people im not too skinny at all, but for me it's like if you think im a skeleton it isn't a bad thing.
im not trying to encourage anyone to do this or smoke for those reasons because i never intended on this.
you know i can wear any clothes, i can turn heads, i'm not sickly looking and my weight isn't at the point where i dont have any body fat. but im very very slim & it's honestly part of my identity.
why would i want to return to being the fat brunette girl who never got looked at?
it's hard but for me it's slowly turned into me wanting to be this barbie figure because before I never was.

Anorexia is complex & people think by telling u youre too skinny it will stop you but it's the complete opposite, and also telling them to eat won't make them.
I dont think i would ever let myself to a degree of anorexia as i see eugenia cooney :( but i definitely have it. i think theres degrees like with any health problem.
Last edited by lilyfairy on Sat Jan 12, 2019 10:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
Reason: No numbers please
dustysauce
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 3
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2018 1:42 pm
Local time: Tue May 21, 2019 1:07 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Next

Return to Anorexia Nervosa Forum




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests