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Looking for some advice

Open Discussions about Anger and Anger Management.

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Looking for some advice

Postby Moosikshoes » Wed Apr 20, 2022 1:37 pm

Hello All,

New member here. I am looking for a little help and advice. I get frustrated to the point of losing my cool a lot at inanimate objects mainly. If something is on the floor and I lift a leg to hop over it, you can guarantee i'll probably still trip over it. It's completely my issue and I know that but it feels like the object is at fault sometimes. I could open a closet door and something will fall out and it's like it jumped out at me, again i'm completely rational, I know it's me that needs to look at things differently. yesterday I was setting up a new computer and it wouldn't take the passwords that I literally paste from a password app and have used on other devices, but they didn't work. I logged into an account from another computer but couldn't on the new one, then when I came back and tried again on the successful one, it didn't work. I created a new email account, received all the notices and confirmations etc now it's as if that never happened, it doesn't exist. The speakers didn't work, it was like 5 things all at once and it just feels like i'm out of control and something is making this happen .. but I know there's an answer for it but still, the rage in me just made me want to throw the computer out the window. I didn't thankfully but I really hate myself for how I react. I am not a violent person, I have and never will harm anyone but I see the look in peoples eyes and they must think i'm nuts, especially getting upset at inanimate objects. I feel at the time I am enraged, I just want a hug, it's weird. I want someone to console me but I also feel childish for thinking like that. I feel like they would think "Look at them, all upset at a computer and they want a hug .. wa wa" .. .you know, that's what I feel but I think it may help, I need to be distracted and pulled away but why would anyone want to do that. Are there any techniques I can try when I feel the anger inside building? To reiterate, I am not a violent person, quite the opposite to be fair, I love my family and friends deeply and feel I have to figure this out now before people start walking away from me.

Thanks for listening
Moosikshoes
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Re: Looking for some advice

Postby DistortedOne » Thu Apr 28, 2022 8:40 pm

Thanks for reaching out for help. I can see myself in what you describe - totally. I recall being in 7th grade (1988?) and screaming at the bathroom exhaust flap which may or may not have had birds going in and out. But for whatever reason, I felt that me yelling and cursing was appropriate. It was empowering to some extent, I'll admit that. Which is probably why a lot of us do such things.

So fast-forward to nearly 25 years later, and now I have so much more information about why I am the way that I am. First and foremost, I'm bipolar 1. The fun one. Second, I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder (big time). Third, there are most certainly a few good instances of PTSD sprinkled into my wonderful mix just for fun.

So now I can look back on those instances and see much things through those lenses. They make sense now. On top of all that, turns out my previous meds were clearly making things worse, for years.

Last fall I stopped taking Mirapex after nearly 10 years for RLS. Literally the next day I told my (soon-to-be) ex wife that I felt this peace inside like I hadn't felt in many, many years. A few months later, I stopped taking Bupropion which it turns out was amping me up something fierce! I loved the stimulation from the Bupropion, and it really helped my motivation, but it was just too much.

I'm just a different person today because of changing those two meds. So I mention this because I think others should always be examining their meds and continuously asking questions.

Hope this is helpful to someone.
Bipolar 1
47
Sober since May 2018
Not as smart as I think I am

For bipolar:
Oxcarbazepine varies 600mg to 1800mg daily
Bupropion 300XL/day or a few 100SR's
Lamotrigine 200mg/night

For RLS:
Ropinirole very recently was Pramipexole

Plus a few for BP and acid reflux
DistortedOne
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