Our partner

Anger & unresolved trauma

Open Discussions about Anger and Anger Management.

Moderators: NewSunRising, thegentlepath

Do you think his anger issues are related to his unresolved truma?

Yes
0
No votes
Might just be a middle age crisis
0
No votes
Maybe
0
No votes
No
0
No votes
 
Total votes : 0

Anger & unresolved trauma

Postby karlaaa » Wed Jan 06, 2021 9:52 am

Hi everyone. TW: family, violence, trauma, grieve. So this is about my dad. When I was little he seemed normal. He was kind, he asked for forgiveness... Then he became Mr. I'm always right or Mr. Everything goes as I say or I'll be upset. More than once he made hurtful comments towards me, but not to anyone else.

My mom used to say all the time that he was actually a good person, who had been through bad situations. He lost his children's custody to his ex-wife, he suddenly lost my grandma to a heart disease, he was taken to court by his siblings after they physically abused my grandpa... Then a few years ago, my grandpa died. He was very old already, and my uncle took him to a nursing home far away from everyone. My grandpa didn't even last a week there. My dad kept saying how he tried to do everything he could to keep my grandpa at home. We gave him his space to mourn as we understood his mixed feelings but we never brought it up again. Shortly after this he started talking about retiring and how tired he was about working and the routine. Pensions are poorly distributed in my country so my mom convinced him to keep working.

Fast-forward: My sister and I moved to study abroad. We haven't been home for a while because of corona. On my birthday last year we called. {Now, for context of what happened next: My mom's side of the family is another series of toxicity and mental abuse. I used to be the mediator for her.} My dad started venting about something that happened. Apparently there was a disagreement in my uncle's house (my mom's brother) that escalated quickly. Threats were made and my dad reacted unfavorably to say the least. The situation was preventable. But I asked my mom more about it. She admitted that my dad has been showing anger issues. She started explaining that the smallest things set him off. I asked her more questions yesterday and she said he has now been making mean comments to her (the way he used to make them to me but never pulled on her).

He is refusing help. If I'm not mistaken he went to a psychologist after the incident, but then they stopped receiving patients because of corona. I know he is not asking for help at all but how do I convince him to go?

p.s: this is so messed up idk what category this topic should be in so, sorry if it's not right here
karlaaa
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 8:24 pm
Local time: Tue Jan 19, 2021 6:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)


ADVERTISEMENT

Re: Anger & unresolved trauma

Postby MindAnn » Mon Jan 11, 2021 8:28 am

Talk to him. There's no other way but to let him know how everyone's affected by his behavior and of course, you are concerned, that you want him to get help because you love him. You have to make him understand how his mental health issue is affecting everyone else's.
MindAnn
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 12
Joined: Tue Jan 05, 2021 12:20 pm
Local time: Tue Jan 19, 2021 11:57 pm
Blog: View Blog (0)

Re: Anger & unresolved trauma

Postby Igneous » Thu Jan 14, 2021 7:36 pm

Hi Karlaa,
I'm so sorry that you are hearing the bad news about bad relationships between your family members while you're away from home. You said your Dad is lashing out at your mother, and that when you were home your Dad would do that to you. Maybe your Mom has taken your place as the person he unloads his emotional burdens on. And now, he doesn't want to seek help for his hurtful behavior.

The bad news is If he doesn't want to seek therapy, it probably won't do any good to try to convince him. Almost always in order for therapy to work, the one needing the therapy has to want to go on his or her own. I know you want to fix your loved ones, but I've found out the hard way that I can't fix others. The best way to be of help to loved ones is to take care of yourself. If you are taking care of yourself emotionally and physically and have a sense who you are and what you need, there's a chance you will be perceived differently by your family and deflect some of that negativity and drama.
Igneous
Consumer 0
Consumer 0
 
Posts: 2
Joined: Mon Jan 04, 2021 12:45 am
Local time: Tue Jan 19, 2021 9:57 am
Blog: View Blog (0)


Return to Anger Management




  • Related articles
    Replies
    Views
    Last post

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 6 guests