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I'm not sure what this is called but I've had it since a kid

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I'm not sure what this is called but I've had it since a kid

Postby guest0929 » Wed Oct 28, 2020 5:24 am

Sorry, I don't see any "general" forum thread so I chose what I thought might be closest.

I've had this way of behaviour since I was a kid. I don't know what it's called or if it's even a mental illness or whatnot.

Basically they way it goes is like this: when I'm treated above and beyond and I feel really happy and really grateful like I am in debt to you, the best comes out of me. I have no problems going the extra mile for you and put all my passion and energy into things in return.

But if I feel unhappy, dissatisfied, disgruntled, feelings of being cheated, robbed, injustice, anger, then I become really immature and I don't want to do anything for you back. I won't give unconditionally, and I just start to close up like a shell and slack off (whether it's a job/work, or relationship) and I don't want to do my best, don't want to give my all and I do intentionally because I want you to know it without me actually having to verbalize it and tell you why I'm upset. I'll just become a very cold distant disinterested person. I would also EXPECT that you would pick up on my signs/signals and then make it right by making me happy again and doing the stuff that I want.

I've been that way as young as I can remember and now in my 40s and still the same way. If I'm happy and feel like you have really pleased me and gone the extra mile for me to the point I feel so indebted to you, then the best of me comes out and I do extra back for you, even more and I'm passionate, loyal, energetic, and the easiest person to get along with as I take crap and will say yes to almost anything.

But if I feel angry because you've deprived me of anything to be thankful about, and I feel cheated like you gave me nothing and so I can't be happy and grateful, then the worst in me comes out, but I won't ever just verbalize it and tell you straight out what the problem is (although I want to but I don't want to be the first to initiate the conversation, I want you or EXPECT you to know there's something wrong and come to me and ask me what's the problem and show me you REALLY CARE and really want to help me then I'll tell you).
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Re: I'm not sure what this is called but I've had it since a kid

Postby NewSunRising » Wed Oct 28, 2020 12:56 pm

Welcome Guest0929 !

I think this is pretty much what the term Passive-Aggressive describes . it's not really a healthy approach to dealing with disappointment or unhappiness . Is this something you want to change about yourself ?
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Re: I'm not sure what this is called but I've had it since a kid

Postby guest0929 » Thu Oct 29, 2020 3:48 am

NewSunRising wrote:Welcome Guest0929 !

I think this is pretty much what the term Passive-Aggressive describes . it's not really a healthy approach to dealing with disappointment or unhappiness . Is this something you want to change about yourself ?


Great point. Yes, I'd agree about it being passive-aggressive. I didn't think of that term at the time. I don't know why it bothers me so much. I have very thin skin I guess. I don't want to tell people exactly what they did wrong or why I'm unhappy. It's like I EXPECT them to know what they did that is making me like this and if I have to actually say it or tell them, then it's like it doesn't have it's value anymore because I told them to do this or to not to this. If they did it on their own accord without me telling them, then I somehow take it as more valuable and genuine because they did it without me telling me to so I know it's really genuine.

I've been this way my whole life. Did it towards my parents first (since I grew up at home with them) and then later on started to affect me and my relationships with friends, co-workers, and jobs.

At work, it's like if the workplace doesn't take good care of me and make sure to go out of their way to treat me well, then I suffer in my emotional and mental health and I don't want to work for them or stay there any longer so I slack off and really show my worst sides (somewhat intentionally). If they treated me really well or I got the things I wanted, I work really well, come earlier, stay late, give more than I am required, enthusiastic with energy...but opposite such as right now, I am disgruntled, lack motivation, come late, leave early, don't put in my best effort because I don't want to etc. One can see how this could affect my long-term stability with a job / career. That is why I want to really work for myself and not someone else because I don't think I'll ever be able to stick anywhere unless it was a company/workplace that really cherished me and then I'd be super loyal to them for life and give it my all. Anything short of that, I will regress and be very unstable and unproductive (hence I will either quit myself cuz I don't wanna be there or they will let me go).
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Re: I'm not sure what this is called but I've had it since a kid

Postby CammieMe » Wed Nov 04, 2020 4:16 am

Have you talked to a professional about it?
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