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Revenge on Ex by reporting her for Unemployment Fraud

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Revenge on Ex by reporting her for Unemployment Fraud

Postby noHope » Thu Dec 26, 2019 1:07 pm

Hello, so my ex was very much a user/abuser. And even though it has been many years since we broke up, I still have unresolved anger issues towards her. In fact I still feel like I’m damaged from the relationship. She’s a gaslighter, she caused thousands of dollars in losses (I paid for her and her fam’s debts), she’s selfish/conceited/needy/insecure/ungrateful/irrational, attempts to sabotage your relationships with fam and friends, attacks your vulnerabilities, dismisses your own well-being, control your behavior/thoughts, and would literally forget everything what you’ve done for her even though it caused you much pain and anguish. I can’t go into too much without writing an entire ledger on all the things she done wrong but let’s just say she’s the type of person who make you break down in tears then have it in her to make fun of you the next day to other people.

Fast forward to present day I’ve recently been unemployed and receiving benefits, and I just realized that one of the requirements is that you can’t be abroad while receiving benefits. She was living overseas at the time when I first met her online and she maybe collecting at the time.

My question is should I report her? I wish I can say that I could move on and live my life which I had to a certain extent as I now have a wonderful and loving girlfriend. But whenever the ex comes to mind I’ve always been bitter and angry. I hardly ever fought back against her because I put her needs/emotions ahead of mine back then. But once the Stockholm’s wore off...I have nothing but hate and despisement for her. But as I was considering the option I came across that she now has two kids with her now husband, whom I have nothing against. Is there karma? Because it seems like they’re living the good life yet. As I said I’m dealing with unemployment right now amid other personal issues (like anxiety and anger) so I don’t feel like I’m in a charitable mood. Should I take payback into my own hands or what should I do?
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Re: Revenge on Ex by reporting her for Unemployment Fraud

Postby Aries411 » Sun Dec 29, 2019 4:35 am

I am sorry about your current unemployment noHope and I hope that you are successful in the job hunt in the new year :D

As for you question, I can feel the anger and frustration in your post and you probably know what you should do logically, but hard to do emotionally. Actually, as I write this, Im not totally sure what you should do logically... they are potentially cheating the system...

Anyways, its looks like they are still causing you a lot of mental stress even though you guys broke up awhile ago. If reporting them will get you past this forever, then go for it because I also think its also wrong to take advantage of UI.
However, the better solution would be to get over it (I know its difficult :( ) and not let it bother you in the present because if you stir the pot, there might be some bad things that come from it. Focus on your wonderful girlfriend and not worry about the past. Practicing mindfulness can help immensely in this situation.
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Re: Revenge on Ex by reporting her for Unemployment Fraud

Postby noHope » Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:16 am

Aries411 wrote:I am sorry about your current unemployment noHope and I hope that you are successful in the job hunt in the new year :D

As for you question, I can feel the anger and frustration in your post and you probably know what you should do logically, but hard to do emotionally. Actually, as I write this, Im not totally sure what you should do logically... they are potentially cheating the system...

Anyways, its looks like they are still causing you a lot of mental stress even though you guys broke up awhile ago. If reporting them will get you past this forever, then go for it because I also think its also wrong to take advantage of UI.
However, the better solution would be to get over it (I know its difficult :( ) and not let it bother you in the present because if you stir the pot, there might be some bad things that come from it. Focus on your wonderful girlfriend and not worry about the past. Practicing mindfulness can help immensely in this situation.


Thank you for your kind, thoughtful post. I’m not sure what I want to do yet. Part of me wants to let it go since the children and husband are innocent so any potential penalty on her might affect their overall financial situation. Part of me wants to report her because I always wanted some retribution for how she treated me and how much she got away with it. I don’t know how I want to proceed since my anger comes and goes but I take some minor consolation in that I have some power over this.

But Have a great new year to you and anyone else on this board. Best wishes...
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Re: Revenge on Ex by reporting her for Unemployment Fraud

Postby NewSunRising » Tue Dec 31, 2019 2:55 am

Would reporting her banish your resentment or would it open a bigger can of worms ? Possible scenarios :

1) you reported but you may never know if the report had any consequences for her .

2) she is punished but you'll feel bad about hurting her husband and children by default .

3) she isn't punished , perhaps leaving you feeling even more resentful .

Honestly , I feel you are giving this person too much space in your head . I hated someone once . I hated them to the point where I spent hours and days thinking about how much I hated them .

One day I realized that I could hate this person 24/7 and all it would do was make ME angry and miserable . It didn't impact them in the slightest . That's when I dropped that particular bag of rocks I had been dragging around with me .
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