To a "woman" at a support group

Dear specimen of a human being,

Eighteen years ago I was in a different support group with you. I don't think you realise how much about you I remember. I remember you were nasty to your children and I remember how the group facilitators had your children removed from you. I remember how you blamed your behaviour on being treated badly yourself. You expected everyone to feel sorry for you.

Eighteen years later you're children are grown and sensibly want nothing to do with you. But you, being around different people (until I turned up) are spouting the same crap except leaving out that you were a nasty horrible excuse of a person to your children.

The group falls for it. The group believes your lies. You were eighteen years ago apparently reporting your past avusers, strange how you're doing that again. And boo hooing your children don't talk to you and boo hoo everyone you come into contact with doesn't like you.

You're stalking and harassing a group member - again - you did that eighteen years ago too but this time you're getting away with it. That group member hasn't been back to the group and you're still there soliciting other peoples sympathy with your lies and utter BS.

None of the group like you, they said when you weren't there but the group rules are to be "supportive" so they're all basically forced to listen to you. If someone is risk of self harm they get more platform - and guess what you're always a risk so you take up others time.

You're a disgusting excuse for a human being and the world would be a better place without you in it.

(The woman reminds me of my mother "have to be nice to the abusive bitch because she had a bad childhood" F ALL THAT- how a person is, that's a choice once you're an adult).

I have also known people like this that needed major help, like my own brother who couldn't get past his past victimization and drank himself to death. I don't think he meant his death to be intentional, he just couldn't stop the 'poor me's' or turn things around. I tried to talk to him and it was frustrating not to be able to get through to him or get him to change. He would turn it around and say that I was 10 times worse than him, so I learned to bite my tongue.
There are people who are a perpetual victim and are self-destructive. It justifies and validates them.
You can't do really anything about it. Even if you are tempted to call this person out in the group and confront them about their story and seeming inability to change or adapt, that may drive them deeper into blaming others/self-pity or it could possibly wake them up?
I don't know your group rules and it shouldn't have to be you to shatter their illusion of blameless victimhood. The group may be a safe haven for them because of anonymity, but you know something about this person that the group doesn't. You may not be able to prove anything.
I would ask a counselor what to do. Being too supportive may not allow growth or change if someone is allowed to stay in their comfort zone. Group therapy costs money and could help someone else that needs to sit in that chair. She is wasting the group's time and preventing her own recovery if she isn't being truthful. Some people are just 'stuck' with a personal defense mechanism and just keep playing the same old song and dance.
I like your perspectives on the things around you and enjoy reading your posts.
Best of luck to you.

Wally58 wrote:I have also known people like this that needed major help, like my own brother who couldn't get past his past victimization and drank himself to death. I don't think he meant his death to be intentional, he just couldn't stop the 'poor me's' or turn things around. I tried to talk to him and it was frustrating not to be able to get through to him or get him to change. He would turn it around and say that I was 10 times worse than him, so I learned to bite my tongue.
There are people who are a perpetual victim and are self-destructive. It justifies and validates them.
You can't do really anything about it. Even if you are tempted to call this person out in the group and confront them about their story and seeming inability to change or adapt, that may drive them deeper into blaming others/self-pity or it could possibly wake them up?
I don't know your group rules and it shouldn't have to be you to shatter their illusion of blameless victimhood. The group may be a safe haven for them because of anonymity, but you know something about this person that the group doesn't. You may not be able to prove anything.
I would ask a counselor what to do. Being too supportive may not allow growth or change if someone is allowed to stay in their comfort zone. Group therapy costs money and could help someone else that needs to sit in that chair. She is wasting the group's time and preventing her own recovery if she isn't being truthful. Some people are just 'stuck' with a personal defense mechanism and just keep playing the same old song and dance.
I like your perspectives on the things around you and enjoy reading your posts.
Best of luck to you.

Thanks Wally. I don't think there is help for people like this. At the same time anything that might help others just feeds them.

She will definitely attempt to turn it on me if I out her. I feel like just leaving them all to it - not my problem because if I stay in that group I'll get sucked into wanting to out her at every available opportunity and that won't help me at all. I could probably find another support group.

-- Wed Oct 16, 2019 4:00 pm --

Aries411 wrote:I feel sorry for those who are in this cycle of destruction. They negative views on everything and blaming everyone for their wrong doing leads to more misfortune to them. The sad thing is that can't be helped because they won't listen to anyone.

I always tell my kids to treat everyone with patience and compassion. It is very easy to blame these types of individuals and get angry at these people, but we also want to make sure their negative attitude do not influence us. Let us hope that we are reminded that we fortunate to be in our position and learn from the mistakes of others.

It's best to simply get away from them. Patience and compassion is wasted on people who are like this. That's food to them, it feeds their self image of "deserving patience and compassion" They deserve nothing.