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I am an abusive friend

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I am an abusive friend

Postby PaulJason105 » Wed May 15, 2019 8:21 pm

Hello there,
I've been aware of this for a while but I haven't been sure of what to do about it until just now. I've just had a girl I considered one of my best friends decide to stop talking to me entirely because I'm very stressful to talk to. My friends and I often have extensive heated arguments over simple things and I've had several friends leave me in the past year or so due to the stress this causes. I like to see myself as someone with good morals and a level head and I absolutely hate that I do this to people. My friends all mean the world to me and I'm tired of hurting them but I don't know what to do.
Please help.
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Re: I am an abusive friend

Postby NewSunRising » Thu May 16, 2019 11:19 am

Welcome PaulJason ,

I try to sit down when I'm calm and centered and take a look at the way I interact with people sometimes . There was a time in my life when I felt it was very important to me to be right . This usually ended up with me doggedly trying to convince people why they were wrong . Needless to say , most of my friends didn't appreciate that . I've since learned to offer my opinion tactfully and then let it go .

You don't say what it is you are doing that is turning people off but you seem to have a good idea of the problem . All we can do is try to change the negative behavior in our lives . It doesn't happen overnight but if we keep at it and try to be aware of how we are speaking to others , it is possible to make positive changes . It takes time but it's worth it .
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Re: I am an abusive friend

Postby Johei » Thu Sep 03, 2020 12:54 am

Here's some wisdom I found out for myself:
'Quite often, the problem is not the problem'
I had the same thing as you: people would talk to me, had a problem, I'd know the answer, try to persuade tham, the whole thing would escalate into a fight.
What goes wrong here is: They didn't broach this subject with you to get a solution.
They wanted to talk abot this horrible problem with a friend to feel better.
I hate deception, but often it is better to let people go on, and say nothing but 'How terrible', and 'Really, go on', then to try and fix things.
Pointing out you can fix the problem will make people feel like idiots, so they will respond negatively.

Instead of being right, be supportive. I know it hurts you (mentally), but it will make your friendships stronger.
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