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Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

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Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

Postby kwestkwestkwest » Sat Feb 02, 2019 4:26 pm

The root of anger is hard to pinpoint, all I know is that I feel angry but I don't know why. As a child, I was angry, as a result of pent up emotional energy, an inability to express needs, take care of own emotional needs. I did not feel comfortable with my emotions, my needs, I felt like I should hide them. The result was anger, frustration, poor behaviour.

The anger was triggered by shame, which is mainly what comes up with any emotion for me. I wonder if this has anything to do with the way I was brought up, the style of parenting I was exposed to. Clearly, I am an emotional person. I felt that my father was particularly emotionally unavailable. He wasn't really there in a sense, it felt as if he was never listening, never really wanted to. It was clear that he wasn't happy. It was near impossible to express emotions freely around him, even though he was on the face of it, very nice, "soft", "gentle" ... at least when he didn't blow up about the smallest thing. There was a shaming tone and a feeling of guilt that I remember, I was never really free to express myself. The parent was also never wrong, it seemed that my emotions are "bad". Even now, I cannot speak freely, it feels as if we are both just rehearsing a tiresome monologue. This is how I feel in my relationships too, I don't allow myself emotional freedom, I just feel fatigued and frustrated around people.

It is a confusing situation to be in, most of the time I question what im going through because on the face of it, I has a seemingly great childhood. Good loving family, no violence etc. But at the same time, It also felt restrictive looking back. Can Anyone else relate? Can anyone make suggestions as to what the ###$ is going on with me? I feel like theres something wrong with me most of the time
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Re: Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

Postby Neari » Thu Apr 11, 2019 10:56 am

Wow I could relate to everything you said here!! I grew up in similar circumstances- the seemingly nice childhood and that emotional neglect you talked about. I feel the exact same way with how the way I grew up, it’s like I needed to hide my feelings and so they were never properly expressed, and still aren’t, and it just shows up in everything I do. I can’t express myself well, especially not through dance or art or talking, which are all things I wish I could do well. And also those angers, keeping them all up inside me has kept me tense at home when I’m around family, and often, the little things will make me angry. And also, about having a dad that just makes you feel guilty, my dad is exactly the same!!! He can be ‘nice’, but his tone of voice even, it just, it still scares me and makes me want to cower, and makes me feel like everything I do isn’t right. To make stuff worse I surpressed my feelings even more by numbing them with video games and stuff. :/ I’m not sure if I’m slowly getting better, but I hope I am, and I hope you are, too. I feel embarrassed to express myself, and it feels so unnatural, do you feel the same? I also feel like I can’t soeak freely and everything you wrote I felt like I could also understand. Thanks for sharing, hopefully things will get better for us soon. It’s a slow process. ;^^
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Re: Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

Postby Johei » Thu Sep 03, 2020 1:04 am

Yep, Neari got it right...

Never expressing your emotions (Happened to me), means you never lear how to.
Now you suddenly get hit by this storm out of nowhere every now and then. Don't know what it means, don't know how to handle it.
Usually I would have some encouraging words, but friend, you need a therapist.
Something went wrong in your psychological make-up early on in your development, and if you don't get a handle on it, it will mess you up for life.
Get a professional to teach you those things others take for granted: how to recognize your emotions, how to deal with them.
If you don't, you're in for a world of hurt.
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