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Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

Open Discussions about Anger and Anger Management.

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Parent Style leading to emotional neglect and anger

Postby kwestkwestkwest » Sat Feb 02, 2019 4:26 pm

The root of anger is hard to pinpoint, all I know is that I feel angry but I don't know why. As a child, I was angry, as a result of pent up emotional energy, an inability to express needs, take care of own emotional needs. I did not feel comfortable with my emotions, my needs, I felt like I should hide them. The result was anger, frustration, poor behaviour.

The anger was triggered by shame, which is mainly what comes up with any emotion for me. I wonder if this has anything to do with the way I was brought up, the style of parenting I was exposed to. Clearly, I am an emotional person. I felt that my father was particularly emotionally unavailable. He wasn't really there in a sense, it felt as if he was never listening, never really wanted to. It was clear that he wasn't happy. It was near impossible to express emotions freely around him, even though he was on the face of it, very nice, "soft", "gentle" ... at least when he didn't blow up about the smallest thing. There was a shaming tone and a feeling of guilt that I remember, I was never really free to express myself. The parent was also never wrong, it seemed that my emotions are "bad". Even now, I cannot speak freely, it feels as if we are both just rehearsing a tiresome monologue. This is how I feel in my relationships too, I don't allow myself emotional freedom, I just feel fatigued and frustrated around people.

It is a confusing situation to be in, most of the time I question what im going through because on the face of it, I has a seemingly great childhood. Good loving family, no violence etc. But at the same time, It also felt restrictive looking back. Can Anyone else relate? Can anyone make suggestions as to what the ###$ is going on with me? I feel like theres something wrong with me most of the time
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