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Anger issues- don't even know why

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Anger issues- don't even know why

Postby Boston442 » Mon Dec 24, 2018 2:08 am

Hello all,

I'm new on this forum. I need some help. I often get vary mad and/or upset, I dont even know why. the only thing that i can guess is stress or when things don't go my way. Like today 12/23/18 my wife gets home from work and she is happy but when I know that shes in a good mood i get mad and start a fight over a guitar. Lets back up, we got all the gifts for our smaller kids but we wanted to get my 15 year old a guitar (bass), we waited till the vary last minute and all the stores were sold out of the model that we were going to get for her. I got vary angry that we waited to that last minute. I got mad at my wife and then started being really rude to her and snapping. Now, she don't deserve this but once i get upset I cant stop. That was to nights fight.

I am like this on the reg, like if things don't go my way or if i clean the house and the kids destroy it, I get mad. If anyone out there can help me like talk to me or if you have this same issue please let me know how you cope with it.

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Re: Anger issues- don't even know why

Postby NewSunRising » Thu Dec 27, 2018 1:46 am

Welcome Boston442 ,

It's great that you're aware of this issue . That's a good first step towards learning to change an unwanted behavior . Is there someone you can talk to about this IRL ? There are a lot of techniques for managing emotions but I think it's important to recognize when you're getting triggered into anger .

A lot of people I know say things like " I can feel it coming on ..." Sometimes just knowing the ball is starting to roll downhill can give you enough time to stop it . It takes practice and patience and perseverance to change a pattern of behavior . It also takes a strong desire to do so .

It sounds like this is something you understand is negatively impacting your life and your family's . I believe we have the power to change if we are willing to do the work it takes . It's not easy , but it's worth it in the long run .
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Re: Anger issues- don't even know why

Postby Johei » Thu Sep 03, 2020 1:36 am

Well... You sound like a loving father to me...
You get angry because you CAN'T get your son the exact present he wanted?
The kids destroy the house you just cleaned, but you DON'T take it out on them?
Give this man a medal!
Also good that your realize that your anger could become an issue (First step and all that)
All living beings have the 'Fight or Flight'-response.
If you get over-stimulated or threatened, you fight back, or get out.
You cannot/will not leave (good on you) beacuse you love your family.
You cannot fight because you don't want to hurt your family.
I would seriously consider finding some professional who can teach you techniques to bring your energy down when you are about to go spare.
Also: when you discuss a problem with a spouse: let him/her talk. It will bring their energy down, and make you feel more relaxed. Deal with the problem in the morning.
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